Big Life

“What?” Park Jae-Gook’s eyes narrowed.

Kwon Tae-Won repeated in a louder voice. "I want to resign."

"You…! Are you rebelling just because I raised my voice at you?!"

"No, I realized that I have been falling short of your expectations, and I think I wouldn't be able to keep my position here in the long run."

"W-wait. Hold up. Come over and sit." Park Jae-Gook stuttered and signaled Kwon Tae-Won over.

He was extremely flustered by the declaration, as both of them had gone through thick and thin for over nine years now. He knew very well that Kwon Tae-Won wasn’t the type of person who would get impulsive under the influence of emotions.

Park Jae-Gook headed to the water dispenser located behind his desk and quickly gulped down a few cups of cold water. A cup alone wasn't enough to calm himself down. He then let out a deep sigh and stood by the window.

"Are you serious?" Park Jae-Gook finally broke the silence after a long pause.

Before Kwon Tae-Won could answer that question, Park Jae-Gook continued. "Are you for real? Why do you want to resign? What's the issue?"

Park Jae-Gook wasn’t asking for answers from Kwon Tae-Won. Park Jae-Gook turned around and hurried over, taking the seat across from Kwon Tae-Won. His anger disappeared and was replaced with anxiousness.

“I went overboard with my words just now. The ebooks team’s revenue isn’t great. My daughter and daughter-in-law seemed like they wanted to bring the company to ruin by playing around without doing anything. My daughter’s friend, whom I trusted and placed on the marketing team, is also being sloppy. Nothing is going right. I think I subconsciously took out my anger on you. I was too much. I’m sorry. I’m really sorry.”

Kwon Tae-Won only listened quietly. He knew Park Jae-Gook was sincere. He wasn’t ill-natured, he was just easily angered. Otherwise, Kwon Tae-Won wouldn’t have been able to stay in the company for nine long years. Park Jae-Gook was a president who knew how to take care of his employees, so Kwon Tae-Won stayed here for a long time.

However, an apology wouldn’t reverse Kwon Tae-Won’s decision.

“I must have been quite sensitive lately. Knock off early today, and let's have a couple of drinks together. Let’s work it out over dinner,” Park Jae-Gook said in a softer tone and patted Kwon Tae-Won’s shoulders.

However, Kwon Tae-Won shook his head immediately and stuck to his decision. “I’ll resign, sir.”

“Why, just why!” Park Jae-Gook couldn’t contain his anger and jumped up to his feet.

There was no way he would accept Kwon Tae-Won’s resignation.

It was rare to find a competent editor like Kwon Tae-Won, who was great in both sales and editing. He was also great at managing employees and writers.

“I’m going to be forty-five next year, sir.”

“And I reached my 60s four years ago! How dare you use age as an excuse to resign?!”

“I can’t stay as editor-in-chief the rest of my life. You can’t even guarantee when I’ll be able to retire either, isn’t that right?”

“...!” Unable to retort, Park Jae-Gook could only fume silently in anger.

Kwon Tae-Won explained his decision to resign. He explained how the company was being overtaken by family members and relatives and how the values that Park Jae-Gook once held were disappearing, especially when he started regarding writers more as cash cows rather than people, along with other conflicts in their operations.

Kwon Tae-Won no longer had the confidence to withstand the physical and mental exhaustion of working in such an environment.

“I want to build a strong foundation so I can still feed my family before I get any older. I apologize for saying this out of the blue, but I hope you will understand, and I hope that you’ll accept my resignation.”

Park Jae-Gook whimpered softly as he stood up.

He headed to the window and stood there, taking out a stick of cigarette and biting it with his lips. Park Jae-Gook opened the window and lit the cigarette in his office, where he hadn’t smoked in a while.

“Anyway, let’s have a drink after work.” Park Jae-Gook finally spoke after puffing out half a stick.

“We’ve gone through so much together, we can’t just be separated simply by words. Let’s do our best in our own roles.”

“Yes, sir.”

“Okay, get to work.”

Kwon Tae-Won bowed and left the room.

Park Jae-Gook kept on staring beyond the window.

Kwon Tae-Won left the building and headed to the convenience store nearby instead of going back to his desk. He got himself a lighter and sat on a blue chair under a parasol outside the store.

Then, he took out the pack of cigarettes he had bought a while back.

“Phew…” How long had it been since he had a cigarette?

Taking three puffs made him feel dizzy.

Kwon Tae-Won avoided the strange looks of the passersby and looked down at his phone, calling his wife.

— Why are you calling at this hour, dear?

“I have some spare time. What are the kids doing?”

— They’re still at school, of course. Look at the time.

“Oh, right.”

— What’s wrong? You don’t sound good.

The words ‘nothing happened’ couldn’t come out from Kwon Tae-Won because he didn’t want to lie to her. His wife had been an editor as well. However, her health had deteriorated after giving birth to their second child, and she lived as a housewife ever since.

— I’ve wanted to tell you this in the morning as well, you don’t look good these days. Come home early, and I’ll make some baeksuk[1] for you.

“I’ll be late today. I’m having dinner with the president. Anyway, got it. I’ll call you again.”

Kwon Tae-Won was about to hang up, but his wife quickly shouted over the phone,

— Dear, wait a minute!

“What is it?” Kwon Tae-Won asked when his wife didn’t speak after stopping him.

Wheezing sounds and irregular breathing could be heard from the other side of the line. Kwon Tae-Won threw away the cigarette butt and took out a fresh stick. Just as he was about to light another stick, he heard his wife’s gentle voice.

— Don’t push yourself too much.

Kwon Tae-Won’s face flushed, and her following words caught him off guard.

— It’s fine for you to resign if it’s getting too hard on you. You’ve worked hard for a long time on your own. You’ve been slogging away the last ten years trying to put food on the table for the kids and me.

“What… are you saying all of a sudden?”

— Do you know what happens when you fall asleep from exhaustion? I’d rather you snore, but you’re still working, even in your dreams. I heard you saying, ‘Writer, your manuscript is great.’ Whenever that happens, I would always look at you and wonder—when did you get so much gray hair? I couldn’t pluck them for you because I’m afraid of waking you up, and do you know how I feel?

His wife’s trembling voice turned into sobbing.

Kwon Tae-Won took off his glasses. His callused fingers were pressing against his teary eyes. As expected, he could never win against his wife. She could always see through him, even if he hadn’t said anything.

However, the thought made his heart ache even more.

— Don’t get locked up in your own thoughts and suffer in silence. The management business you mentioned that you wanted to open in the summer. Let’s start it, just the both of us.

“You… still remember that?”

The writer management business was something that Kwon Tae-Won had been planning to start after his resignation. He only shared his plans with a few people in the business.

In fact, he had only mentioned it in passing to his wife over some drinks one day, but his thoughtful wife seemed to have memorized it.

— I’m sure we’re the same. I don’t like to get overly excited about something until I’m extremely sure of it. So I looked into it in detail, and I think it’s not a bad idea. Let’s do it ourselves. You know that I’m a smart worker, right?

His wife laughed at the end. The laughter sounded like a fresh spring breeze that tickled Kwon Tae-Won’s ears.

“Of course…”

Kwon Tae-Won kept the new stick that he wanted to light back into its pack and buried his face into his hands.

The trembling in his hands traveled to his face and to the rest of his body. He then consoled himself—thinking that he was lucky because this wasn’t a video call.

***

“Look at that, Rika. I had been working part-time in that convenience store up until last year. Look at that rice soup restaurant next to the convenience store. Their food is really cheap and delicious. By now, I’m sure I’ve eaten at least five hundred bowls from them.”

Ha Jae-Gun introduced the places he had been to Rika while he was driving.

He had just received the car he had ordered from Haetae Media. He drove all around the neighborhood for a test drive, ferrying Rika as his first passenger. The October sunshine was reflecting off the surface of his shiny new black car.

Instead of making a fuss, Rika sat quietly in her seat throughout the journey. She would either lay curled up in the seat or put her paws on the window sill and look out the window while enjoying the ride.

“Should we drop by?”

They were on their way home when Ha Jae-Gun suddenly stopped his car by Seo Gun-Woo’s tombstone. Ha Jae-Gun alighted from the driver seat first before opening the door to the passenger seat, allowing Rika to lightly leap out of the car.

“Senior, we’re here to see you,” Ha Jae-Gun greeted as he stood before the tombstone. Rika walked around it as if she was checking out the condition of the grave before walking back to Ha Jae-Gun’s side.

“It’s already autumn. Time had passed so quickly because I spent my days writing my novels with your help,” Ha Jae-Gun said as he cleared the dishes, his books, a soju glass, and a soju bottle in front of the tombstone.

Ha Jae-Gun had come here during Chuseok to give his greetings, and he left these items here.

After clearing everything, Ha Jae-Gun sat down on the flat ground beside the tombstone. The sun was setting, dying the sky red.

Ha Jae-Gun unknowingly sighed.

“Senior, I can’t think of what to write recently,” Ha Jae-Gun whined.

“I want to continue writing what I want, but with consideration for the readers. However, nothing is coming to me, but I’m not suffering as badly as before.”

Ha Jae-Gun had received the advanced royalties from Haetae Media, but he hadn’t received any from Star Books for the third part of the Records series because the royalties from Star Books would be paid to him as if it were a monthly salary.

However, he would receive slightly under 1.2 million won every month, at least until the end of early next year.

Once the paperback books were completely published, he could still look forward to the revenue from the ebooks. In other words, he wouldn’t have any issues playing around for the next two to three years. It was one of his perks as a writer.

“I think I’m working too hard recently. It’s difficult, Senior.”

No reply came from Seo Gun-Woo’s grave.

Ha Jae-Gun sat there for a while more before standing up to leave.

Rika quietly followed behind him.

Upon arriving home, Ha Jae-Gun washed Rika’s paws

Bzzt! Bzzt!

A call arrived once Ha Jae-Gun was done washing Rika’s paws. When he saw that the call came from his best friend, whom he hadn’t seen for quite a while now, Ha Jae-Gun quickly answered the call.

"Park Jung-Jin, you must have clocked off on the dot if you're calling at this time!"

— Are you busy with anything? Come out if you're free. Let's have a drink.

Park Jung-Jin’s voice sounded rough, and his ragged breathing could also be heard from the other side of the line.

"Sure, I'll go out, but did something serious happen?" Ha Jae-Gun asked. His phone was between his head and shoulders because he was currently changing his pants.

Park Jung-Jin let out an audible sigh.

— It’s not anything huge. Anyway, just come out. Let’s talk when we meet. I miss you, Ha Jae-Gun.

“Got it. Where shall we meet?”

— I’ll go over to your neighborhood. I’ll be taking the subway. Be there in twenty.

“Got it, I’ll be heading out now.” Ha Jae-Gun felt anxious. He sat on the foot of his bed and put on his socks while asking Rika for forgiveness.

“I think Jung-Jin will come over and stay for the night. It sounded like he was in a bad mood. He’s clingy whenever he’s in a bad mood, so please endure it just for today.”

“Meow.” Rika moved her tail from left to right.

Looking at her bright eyes, Ha Jae-Gun couldn’t hold himself back any longer. He picked her up, rubbed her nose with his, and then gave her a kiss. He then wore his shoes before heading out.

Ha Jae-Gun hurriedly made his way toward the subway station. After a while, Ha Jae-Gun was nearly at the subway station when he got a call from Park Jung-Jin.

“Hey, I’m at Exit 1.”

— Turn around, you punk.

Ha Jae-Gun turned around in surprise to see Park Jung-Jin smiling at him bitterly.

“Wow, you’re here fast. Did you fly over?”

“The train was quick. What do you want to eat? Let’s have soju.”

“Wow, you’ve already planned it out, huh? What’s wrong?”

“It’s nothing. Let’s grab a seat and then talk. Hey, there’s a pig’s trotter restaurant there. Let’s eat there.”

The two men headed over to the restaurant and found a table. The side dishes and soju were served first before the pig’s trotters. Park Jung-Jin opened a bottle and poured soju for Ha Jae-Gun and himself.

“Hey, let’s toast.”

“Hey, drink when the meat is out. You’re on an empty stomach now.”

“The beansprout soup is already here, anyway, so we can just have that. Let’s toast.”

“You seriously…”

Drinking soju on an empty stomach made them feel warm almost immediately. Ha Jae-Gun then grabbed hold of the soju bottle from Park Jung-Jin’s hand, who was about to pour another glass for himself.

“Stop acting in your own drama.”

“What’s wrong with that?”

“I think our lines changed. It feels like déjà vu. I think I’ve seen this in my dreams before.”

“That was the alumni gathering at The Hippo.”

“Oh, right. We did talk about this when I was angry because of Myung-Hoon.” Park Jung-Jin smiled. Ha Jae-Gun smiled as well as he filled up Park Jung-Jin’s glass.

“Just tell me what happened and how I can help you…”

“It’s not something that you can help me with.”

“Just what is it?”

“It’s Hyo-Jin,” Park Jung-Jin answered without hesitation.

Ha Jae-Gun frowned and tilted his head to one side. “What?”

“I said it’s because of Hyo-Jin.” Park Jung-Jin downed the glass in one go. Then, he took a spoon of the beansprout soup with a bitter-looking frown.

“I think she’s having a fling.”

“And how did you know that?”

“Her tweets seemed that way. She said something about good men always hanging out around her.”

“Are there no photos on her tweets?”

“Huh? Yeah, there aren’t any photos.”

“Then, don’t jump to conclusions, she could be just posting random thoughts.”

“...”

“Anyway, are you feeling down just because of that?” Ha Jae-Gun teased.

“Isn’t this serious enough?”

“You haven’t confessed to her yet, right?”

“Yeah…”

“Then, you should just shut up and quietly eat your pig’s trotters.”

“She must have said it in a joking way, right? Probably? Girls usually write their tweets as if they’re talking to someone, right? Hmm? Hyo-Jin must be like one of those girls, right?”

“Look at this madman—Ah, you’re so nosy.” Ha Jae-Gun thought that Park Jung-Jin’s worry was absurd, but it seemed that Park Jung-Jin was serious about it.

However, this meant that he loved Cheon Hyo-Jin a lot.

Ha Jae-Gun understood Park Jung-Jin’s feelings, but he also found him frustrating.

“There’s nothing I can do,” Park Jung-Jin said as he opened the second bottle of soju that they had just ordered.

“I thought about what I could do if I got together with Hyo-Jin, but there’s nothing I can do for her. Fuck, I feel that dating might be a luxury for me now because I’m barely surviving on my meager salary. Hyo-Jin is quite the princess, as you know.”

“She only looks like a princess to you. Hyo-Jin looks easygoing and cool to me. She even enjoys blood sausage[2] soup.”

“Does it even make sense to say that someone is easygoing because they eat blood sausage soup? Anyway, that’s how I feel. Ah, I don’t know anymore. I think she likes someone out there. I’m sure of it. This is a fact.”

Ha Jae-Gun listened attentively to Park Jung-Jin’s grumbling.

Park Jung-Jin’s grumbling didn’t end as he talked about his tough work life, Hyo-Jin, and family issues. Rather than giving advice, Ha Jae-Gun chose to listen to Park Jung-Jin’s complaints quietly.

‘I had no idea that you were having such a hard time. I’m sorry,’ Ha Jae-Gun said inwardly and apologized as Park Jung-Jin started sobbing after their third bottle of soju.

Park Jung-Jin was a precious friend who had offered him help when he was having a hard time. Now that his life had stabilized, Ha Jae-Gun made the decision to reach out and help his friend this time.

“The night can’t end like this. Let’s go for round two at the karaoke,” Park Jung-Jin said. Then, they left the restaurant after paying.

Ha Jae-Gun looked around for the signboard of a karaoke outlet and finally found one. He pointed at it and said, “Over there. Let’s go. Let’s go all out and relieve our stress.”

“Hey, wait. Stop.” Park Jung-Jin pulled Ha Jae-Gun in the opposite direction.

“Let’s go somewhere nearby. Where are we going?”

“You really know nothing about the adult world, huh? Follow me.”

Park Jung-Jin dragged Ha Jae-Gun onto the third floor of a suspicious building with signages indicating that they also had karaoke rooms for customers.

Ha Jae-Gun was ignorant of the difference between the two places, but he had still chose to follow Park Jung-Jin into the building’s elevator.

1. A Korean culinary term referring to dishes made by boiling or steaming meat or fish for several hours without seasonings. ☜

2. Blood sausage is a type of blood sausage in Korean cuisine. It is a popular street food in both North and South Korea, generally made by steaming cow or pig's intestines stuffed with various ingredients. ☜