Autopsy of a Mind

I didn't catch a wink of sleep that night. I lay down on the carpeted floor of the office and stared at the ceiling. There was a crack on it and as my eyes moved over the concrete, my eyes flitted back to it every few seconds. 

Around five in the morning, the door to the office creaked open. I heard the shuffling at the end and looked towards the sound to find Nash trying to gauge if I was asleep or not. 

"Got something?" I asked. My voice was hoarse and dry. I gulped down saliva and pushed myself into a sitting position.

"Yeah. I made the lists. I've sent it to you already," he whispered. It seemed like he didn't want to disrupt me, but that was exactly what I needed.

"Did you find anyone suspicious in that list?" I found myself asking. I knew it was not possible for him to understand that from the simple records made by the government. But I still asked. I needed to talk and divert my mind. 

"Nothing yet. I called the prosecutor last night and he is still looking at who the clients are. Collins refuses to open his mouth and with the court hearing getting closer, I think his backer is making sure he is not indicted." Nash sighed. 

"I understand. Just let me know, okay?" What else could I say? 

"When was the last time you ate, Sebastian?" Nash's voice was full of concern and I found it amusing that he would think about me when his partner was in a fatal situation.

I shrugged. I didn't remember really. And I didn't feel hungry. At all. 

Nash shook his head. "That bottle of water has been full since yesterday afternoon," he hissed. "And you haven't had any food. You know very well what happens when you don't give your body enough energy to work."

"You don't need to tell me that. I know biology. I can go without food and water for two days." I may or may not have considered doing that. How could I eat or drink when I didn't even know for sure if Evie was getting any of those? I couldn't very well lock myself up in a cold and dark room and tie myself up, but this was the least I could do. 

To think I had promised to share her pain and joy and I was not even capable of such a simple task. 

I thought back to what Evie had told me once… no one really felt another person's pain. They only felt their own interpretation of it. They felt it because of guilt and sadness. 

Evie was a genius in her own right. She knew the human condition and it was only in this moment I knew and could say confidently that truly, I would never feel the same pain that she felt. There was no way possible for me too. 

Could I not then try and understand it? Why would anyone want to stop me from that? 

"You can survive without it, but excess hunger and dehydration are going to dull your brain. Right now, you can do nothing but use that high IQ of yours to reduce the time Evie stays in captivity. Understood?" 

Did that make sense? Rationally, yet. But what about the part of my brain that wanted to suffer?

"I know…" I whispered. 

"I brought some food. It's in my office. Come in and stay with me. I don't have any other work at the moment so I will accompany you," he said quietly. When I didn't stand up, he huffed in frustration and pulled me up by the arm. "Sebastian, pull yourself together!"

I was quiet. 

"When we find her, you will need to stay beside her and assure her that everything is alright. If you are in a catatonic state yourself, how do you think she will react?" Nash grilled. "She might be drugged or hurt. She will be paranoid and the only person she will trust will be you and if you look like this, she will get worse. So, pick yourself up and prepare yourself to run to her the second you see her next. Understood?"

I looked at him oddly. I could understand that he was calm and collected, but would it have been the same if it was someone from his family who was in danger? 

I knew the answer to that already. 

I also knew that he was worried out of his mind for the girl he painstakingly taught everything he knew. He wasn't as calm as he appeared to be. 

"Okay." I trudged after him without making noise. The hallway was desolate and enveloped in silence.

When I entered Nash's office, I glanced towards Evie's empty desk and felt my heart stop for a second.

Nash pulled up a chair to his desk and asked me to sit down. 

"Why did you order so much?" I asked, my eyes roving over the ten or so containers of food. 

"I brought both fish and vegetable dishes. We have soups, starters, main courses, and deserts," he announced. He opened every lid and showed it to me. It was a lot of food. Enough to feed ten or so people. It was one of those restaurants that sent copious amounts of food.

I blinked. "How will we eat so much?" I asked, horrified.

He shook his head. "I ordered everything at once. Except for the soup that can go stale, we can eat the rest over today. I have enough for when Evie returns, too," he announced. 

I looked at him gratefully. "You're sure that we will find her today?" I asked.

He nodded. "I did some thinking all night and came to a conclusion." I raised my brow, prompting him to continue. "You know how the BTS Killer sent those notes to the media houses? There was a lot of fear surrounding it. I was going through the paper clippings from the time and one of the letters to a news host said that the killer wanted to meet her, right?"

I nodded slowly. "According to the profile we have assigned to the killer, if he made the promise of meeting her, he probably did see her in the following few days. He would blend into the community or is revered, so nobody would suspect him."

He picked up a spoon and took a sip of soup. He closed his eyes and I saw some of his anxiety seep away.

"You want to find out which prominent figures met the host?" I asked finally. 

Nash shook his head. "Not only the host. We can look at guests who were speaking about situations at the time or someone who dropped by for a tour of the news agency."

"That makes sense," I admitted. "But that was from so many years ago. They might not have records of those, right?" I asked. 

Nash shrugged. "It's better for us to look somewhere than to sit like idle ducks until the results from everything else comes in, right?"

That was a good point. 

"We will call the studio around seven, then," I informed. "Either of us can talk to them."

"You should do it. You have a better understanding of the case. I will follow up on the lab report from the bag we received and call the prosecutor one last time." He scratched his head. 

"Collins does a lot of high-profile cases, right? You should ask one of the gossipy officers that have been here for a long time to see which powerful people he is chummy with. A search of his name on the internet would bring out some information, too."

"Good idea. Any lead is a good lead. We might not get conclusive evidence to prosecute the killer, but we can tail him until we find something good."

Tailing. That meant weeks of wait. But it was, indeed, better than nothing. 

The warmth of the soup was welcoming. Until the moment I took the first sip, I hadn't realized I was starving. With a guilt-ridden heart, I finished my portion and went to the next.

Nash was right. I needed my energy so that my mind and body worked. I needed the energy to be by her side after I found her.

"Evie will be fine," Nash said out of the blue. 

I looked up at him incredulously. "Why would you think that?"

Nash smiled. "She lives a very healthy lifestyle and doesn't take medication that will conflict with the drugs the kidnapper gave her. She will hallucinate and have a hard time, but trust her to know the difference between what is real and what is not."

"Evie has a logical mind, but she is also sympathetic. She understands how the victims and their families feel. With her beside the two other victims, she will make sure they are safe. She studied the pattern of the kidnapper, so she will know exactly what to do to preserve her life and protect herself from danger. She will be fine."

The confidence in his voice was assuring. "I hadn't thought of it in that way," I admitted. "I kept thinking about her as being helpless and bound… I forgot that she was highly trained to protect herself." I looked down at the packets of food. "She's not a young girl anymore. I can't help but see her that way, though." I chuckled humourlessly. 

"Do you know why I brought you here and laid out this food?" Nash questioned. "Because I learned it from Evie. I had never really considered how making the victim and their family comfortable was a part of my job. That by doing so, my work would get so much easier." He shook his head. "She treated them with respect and told them what to do. She brought them warm food and water and sat beside them when they were cold, telling them it would be okay."

I smiled, knowing that she had a peculiar way of affecting people… especially those in agony. 

"Before I met Evie, I thought that the worries and the hope of families were… tough. But after meeting her, I realized that their conviction in finding their loved ones unharmed propelled me to work harder and smarter. Their words… the little things they say while they are worried can be of so much help." Nash shook his head. 

"Yeah, Evie has a way with people. Pain is a universal language. And because she has been on the brink, she so easily communicates with people in pain. That's her biggest power."

"And she will come back and use it to help more people. Trust her," he whispered harshly. 

"I do trust her," I responded. I don't know if I trusted the system.