Accidental Multiverse Planeswalker

“Ugghhhh.” I groaned and tried to open my eyes. I couldn't, because they were welded shut. Again.

“Shun-SHENG duh gao-WAHN! (Holy Testicle Tuesday!)” A man's gruff voice shouted.

“He's still alive?” Another man's voice asked, clearly shocked.

“I reckon so.” A soft female voice said from right beside me. It actually sounded sweet and wholesome.

I bet you're very pretty. I thought and tried to say it. “Hrggglllahhhh.”

“Don't talk none, you.” The soft voice said and I felt fingertips lightly touch my forehead. “I ain't never seen no one be spit out of a ship's engine after it ignited.”

“Spit out? The damn Ching-wah TSAO duh liou mahng (frog humping son of a bitch) is damn near charcoal!” The gruff voice said.

“Ease down, Jayne.” The other man's voice said. “I'm thinking we're a might responsible for the man's predicament.”

“You DON'T say!” Jayne spat and I heard him start to pace. “We need ta be off this rock! We don't got time for no charity case!”

The soft female voice whispered. “Don't mind him, none. He's just scared like we all are. We're in a mighty fine pickle right now and you dropping in ta surprise us like ya did, sure makes things a lot more picklish than a pickle in a jar of pickles.”

An image formed in my head, called 'Engineer - Female', and she could fix a lot of mechanical problems. She also loved engines and tinkering and could speak something called Core English and Mandarin, a form of Asian language.

I copied the ability to speak both and then cast a bunch of spells on myself to try to restore myself back to working condition. I knew Prismatic Regeneration would take a while, because of the extensive damage. I also tried moving my hand and I heard a crack sound and winced. I was pretty sure that was my forearm that snapped.

“STOP!” The soft voice shouted. “You really are more charcoal than anything else right now. We're waiting on my beau, the doc, ta get back here and let us know if we can move ya safely.”

I sighed and tried to not let my disappointment show, not that anyone could see my face. I could only imagine what I looked like after having a nuclear bomb blow up in my face. I quickly cast 'End Effect' while thinking about nuclear radiation and instantly felt better. My healing and restoring spells were having more of an effect, too.

I cast it on the people around me, sure that radiation had been pouring out of my radioactive ass. The soft voice near me let out a squeak sound, the gruff man let out a stream of curses that I couldn't understand, and the man that spoke before walked over to me.

“I don't rightly know what the hell that was that we just felt, only that it came from you.” The man said and I heard the click of a gun. “If'n it did something bad to us, you'll soon not be wonderin' why you ain't feelin' pain no more.”

“Cap'n!” The soft voice gasped. “It weren't bad!” She said and seemed to turn away from me. “Can't you feel it? Like you were not feeling up ta things like usual and now it's like cleared away or somethin'?”

I heard the click again and the boots walked a few paces away.

“I suppose it might not be bad.” Cap'n said. “I'll hold off on judging it til the doc gets back.”

The soft voice sighed in relief and turned back to me. “Don't go doing that again. I can't rightly defend ya more than once or twice before the Cap'n decides you're too much trouble ta bother with.”

“Hmm.” I hummed.

“I said ta not talk... wait, did you just hum?”

“Hmm.”

“Ha! Yer a smart one!” The soft voice turned away from me again. “Cap'n! He can answer yes'n no questions and it won't hurt him none!”

The boots strode back over to me.

“Do you know where you are?” Cap'n asked.

“Hum once for yes, twice for no.” The soft voice whispered.

“Hmm hmm.”

“How can you not know? You were just...”

“Cap'n, yes and no answers.” The soft voice reminded him.

The man sighed. “It's a might hard to ask him who he is and if he's a danger to the ship or the crew if I can't ask him.”

“Hmm hmm.” I hummed.

“Do you mean no for the first part?” The soft voice asked and I hummed twice. “The second part?”

I hummed once and she sighed in what I was sure was relief.

“He says he's not a danger, Cap'n.”

“Not as a blackened corpse, no.” Cap'n said. “What about when he heals or can tell us who he is?”

“Hmm hmm.” I responded.

“Still no, Cap'n.” The soft voice said.

The boots walked over to the other set.

“What's the status?” Cap'n asked.

“Only a few minutes to go and they're going full bore.” Jayne said.

“Good. Make sure that everything is loaded and secured.” Cap'n said and walked over to me. “It seems like they're comin' in hot, Kaylee. We either gotta move him now or not at all.”

“Hmm.”

“Which part?” Kaylee asked. “Move you?”

“Hmm.”

“He says ta move him, so grab that crate slab.” The soft voice said and I heard metal scraping on dirt. A moment later, a blanket or something was wrapped around me and I was gently lifted and placed on the metal thing. I felt myself being pulled up a metal incline and across a short distance, then left there.

“I gotta check the engine ta see if everything's green while the Cap'n preps us for lift-off.” The soft voice said and I felt fingertips on my forehead again. “Try to not panic, 'kay?”

“Hmm hmm.” I said and she laughed.

“Be back later.” She said and then I heard her boots run away.

The second set of boots stomped up the ramp. “Are you more trouble than you're worth?”

“Hmm hmm.” I said.

“Damn, I can't remember what that means.” Jayne said. “Cap'n! What's two hums from the corpse mean?”

“No!” Cap'n responded.

“Huh. I thought you'd say that you were.” Jayne said in disappointment and walked off.

I wasn't going to ask him why he wanted me to be trouble. I concentrated on my internal organs and started to cast specific healing spells on them. I also had no idea why I hadn't died yet. I had been crushed by a meteorite, obliterated by a comet, and annihilated by a nuclear explosion. I should have died each time and was fully prepared to do so the first two times. The last one had been a shock.

I heard a heavy whine approaching from the distance and what I was sure were gunshots, even if I hadn't heard them in nearly a century or more. I honestly wasn't keeping track. The heavy boots ran by me and down the ramp.

Several loud booms came from him and I was glad I wasn't near him to get that sound right in the ears. The floor shook as something hit the ramp and slid in next to wherever I was.

“Mule's in!” Jayne yelled and his heavy boots ran and something was hit. Winches or something moved and something closed slowly.

“Everybody hold on!” Cap'n shouted and then whatever we were in, shook and then rose.

I felt the thing I was resting on, slide a little, then the ship tilted as pangs came from the right side where I was. I was suddenly rolling across the deck and humming for my life as my bones broke, then someone cursed a donkey's mother before they landed on me and caught me. I groaned in pain, because I couldn't help it.

“I'm sorry, whoever you are. I'm a lot softer than the bulkhead.” A sultry voice said in my ear hole, since I was sure my ear was melted or burned away.

I tried my best to sound sincere. “Hmmmm hmm.”

The sultry voice laughed softly. “You're a charred mess and barely alive, and you're hitting on me?”

“Hmm.” I said as the floor we were on evened out.

“That means yes.” Jayne said.

“We're clear!” The Cap'n yelled.

“He doesn't even have his eyes open. I could be a hideous mess and...” The sultry voice stopped talking and then huffed as she stood up. “Never mind. He's a hideous mess right now. It wouldn't matter.”

“Hmm hmm.” I agreed.

“That's no.” Jayne said and sounded proud. “Hey, ya corpse! It looks like you are more trouble than you're worth if you're hittin' on Zoe!”

I snorted and tried to laugh. “Hrrgglll!”

“I think he just laughed.” Zoe said and I could hear the disbelief. “How can he laugh looking like that?”

“Ask the doc.” Jayne said. “Doc! We've got a fresh patient for ya.” He said and then laughed. “Well, not that fresh. He's more like well done.”

The doc walked over and his shoes clacked on the deck. He knelt beside me. “Monkey's fragrant piss, how are you still alive?”

“HA! The doc just cursed!” Jayne said and laughed. “You can ask only yes or no questions, doc.”

The doc checked me over, taking my pulse, listened to my breathing, and did a few things I couldn't see or feel. “He's got several broken bones...”

“Which he just got rolling around unsecured on the deck.” Zoe said.

“...and if he wasn't so burned, he would be bleeding all over the place from cuts and scrapes.” Doc said. “His organs seem to be doing fine, for some unknown reason.”

Boots ran back into the room and skidded to a stop. “Oh, no! What happened?” The soft voice asked.

“He took a tumble when the ship evaded being blown up.” Jayne said. “Great flying, Cap'n.”

“Thanks.” Cap'n said. “We're in the black right now, so there's no real danger.” He said. “Doc, did you get what you wanted?”

Doc sighed. “No. I blew the security check and it locked us out.”

“Huh choo-shung tza-jiao duh tzang-huo! (filthy fornicators of livestock!)” The Cap'n said and his boots stomped around. “You mean to tell me, we put ourselves onto the Alliance's radar for this, and you didn't get the drug you needed?”

Doc sighed. “Zoe held off the security guards. I'm sure were weren't identified.”

“It don't matter if they pegged you right off!” Cap'n said. “Just us being near an attempted robbery will make us pop up on all of the Alliance's wanted lists!”

“We got away, you said!” Doc said to defend himself.

“No, I said we were in the black and out of danger from the planet! Messages travel faster than ships!”

Doc sighed and I heard him sit with a sigh beside me. “I'm sorry. I thought the gear I bought for this would work.”

More cursing came from the Cap'n and he kept stomping around. I subtly touched the Doc directly to gain the image of a 'Medical Doctor' that was limited by resources. He was High Class, knew a bunch of languages, and could perform medical procedures and knew a bunch of equipment. I immediately copied those last two abilities.

“If we're going to get hooked by an Alliance patrol, we need to hide the stuff we're carrying.” Jayne said. “You know they sniff out stuff better than a bloodhound.”

“Dammit!” Cap'n said and kept cursing.

“Hmm hmm hmm.” I hummed and he stopped walking.

“What?”

“Hmm.” I said.

“Cap'n, I think...” The soft voice said and knelt to touch me. “Do you want to help?”

“Hmm.” I said.

“How in the Light from a Monkey's Ass is he going to help?” Cap'n asked.

I was healing up at a good pace, so I moved one of my charred hands slightly towards the doc.

Soft voice gasped. “Simon! He said you can help him cover up the contraband!”

“Huh? How would I...” Simon stopped talking. “No, that could never work.”

“What is it?” Cap'n asked. “Even if it's a stupid idea, I think it needs ta be said!”

“We put the medical examination bed into storage and build a new bed out of the contraband crates.” Doc said.

“Hmm.” I said.

“That's a great idea!” Jayne exclaimed. “With the corpse on top of it, no one would come near the stuff!”

“Hmm.” I said in agreement.

It was silent for a few minutes before the Cap'n huffed.

“It ain't too bad of an idea.” Cap'n said. “Okay, Doc. You and me rip out the old bed and Jayne can start lugging the stuff into the medbay. Once he's got it stacked right, you dress it up like a proper bed and put Corpse on it.”

“It's not going to be comfy.” Doc said.

I tried to laugh and it came out as a gurgle.

“That's a laugh.” Zoe said. “Oh. I get it. He's been laying on the floor.”

“Yes, and none of us have offered to help him up off of it.” Another female voice said. It was refined and practised.

“He was on the ground outside before and on a shipping crate slab before that.” Soft voice said.

I knew her name was Kaylee; but, I liked thinking of her as Soft voice.

“I don't think you need to worry about him complaining that the bed's not comfortable.”

“Hmm.” I responded.

“Well, you heard Corpse. Let's get a move on and get this done.” Cap'n said.

Several sets of feet moved away from me and I felt someone sit beside me.

“I should apologize for not providing our new guest with a proper greeting.” The refined voice said.

“Hmm hmm.” I said.

“He means no.” Soft voice said.

“I know. Thank you, Kaylee.” Refined voice said and her hand lightly touched what I assumed was my mangled one. “Welcome aboard the Serenity, be she ever so humble in ferrying her crew across the cosmos.”

Soft voice chuckled. “You made her sound like an old spinster or something!”

I had an image called 'Companion - Basic' appear in my head. Her skills were... quite interesting.

“She is, technically. When was the last time a Firefly Class Three was produced?”

“I don't rightly know.” Soft voice said. “You shouldn't call down a ship you're flying on, though.”

Refined voice laughed. “I didn't call her down. She is a fine ship that has gotten us through more adventures and mishaps than any other ship could have.”

“Yeah.” Soft voice whispered. “It's cost us something, too.”

Refined voice sighed. “Living our lives always does.”

“Hmm.” I said.

“I assume you're not referring to your current... melted and charred status?” Refined voice asked.

“Hmm hmm.” I responded.

“For you to be so calm in a situation like this, you must have been through worse.”

“Hmm.”

“Donkey piss!” Soft voice exclaimed. “You've been through worse than being blown out of an engine?”

“Hmm.” I said and then gurgled a laugh. “Hmm hmm.”

Refined voice laughed demurely. “I think we should take that as a maybe.”

“Hmm.” I agreed.

“Okay, we've got the crates stacked to almost look like a medbay table.” Cap'n said. “If'n they look too close, we might have to react fiercely about it.”

“Hmm hmm.” I said.

“No? What are you going to do about it, Corpse?”

“Cap'n, he probably meant that they won't notice if he's there.” Soft voice said. “Let's try it and you'll see.”

“Jayne, grab the blanket.” Doc said. “I'm tempted to try and heal these breaks before moving you.”

“Hmm hmm.” I disagreed.

“He's right, there's no time for that.” Cap'n said.

I felt the blanket and then being lifted up. I was moved into a much quieter room and carefully put down on the bed.

“Dammit, he's too small to cover up much! We'll be found out for sure” Jayne spat.

“Hmm hmm hmmmm!” I tried to tell him to shut up and wait, then I cast Illusion to copy the thing in the Doc's head that resembled the table they had removed.

“Huh? What's that mean?” Jayne asked.

“I think he said to... Kiss a Baboon's Ass! It looks like he's on a real medbay table!” Cap'n exclaimed.

There were several gasps and then several people moved around and seemed to be touching the 'bed' under me.

“I don't know how this is working.” Doc said. “I know it's not a medbay table; but, I feel a medbay table when I touch it.”

That's magic for you. I thought. “Hmm.”

“Is this like what you did before, Corpse?” Cap'n asked.

“Hmm.” I said and paused. “Hmm hmm.”

“That means maybe!” Soft voice said and then went quiet. “If that's true, then... I think... he means that it's helping us. It's kinda the same because he's helping us now.”

“Hmm.” I agreed.

Silence fell in the room and everyone seemed to be thinking. I did as well. I thought about what I would do after I was healed. With the things the doc knew, that I knew as well, my skin and flesh could be cleaned up and a dermal generator could be used to regrow things a lot faster than letting my regeneration do it alone.

Then again, I couldn't quite tell him to start, not without a working mouth. As far as I could tell, my face was a solid mass that barely had any recognizable features, except a small hole for my mouth and two smaller ones for my nostrils. The doc might be reluctant to strip my face off to try and rebuild it from scratch, especially since he didn't know what I looked like.

I held in my laugh at that, thinking I could get him to dig out my identification from the world of Smallville that was fused to my left butt cheek. It was centuries old; but, it was technically still valid.

“Cap'n, if this works, and I'm sure it will.” Soft voice whispered. “I'm thinking we should give him a cut when we deliver the goods.”

Curses and shouts accompanied that, mostly from Jayne. Conversation started and it was just a waste of time. I didn't need the money, anyway.

“Hmm hmm.” I said, which cut off people's talking.

Jayne let off one last curse before the Cap'n smacked him. “Ow! What was that for?”

“Corpse said he doesn't want a cut.” Cap'n said.

“Huh? Is he stupid or something?” Jayne asked.

“You were just cursing up a storm that we might have to split with him.” The sultry voice of Zoe said.

“Yeah, but that's just me hatin' ta share. That don't mean I don't want the guy to get something for helping.” Jayne explained.

“That actually made sense to me.” Doc said, which made a few people laugh.

“I think a fair share is you helping him to recover, Doc.” Cap'n said. “Unless it takes a long time. Then we might need ta rethink the accommodations.”

I created a fist sized chunk of gold on my chest. “Hmmmm hmmmm.” I emphasized to get everyone's attention. The sounds of fright and delight from them all was so horrible that I laughed and gurgled. The chunk rolled off of me to thunk onto the floor with a metallic clang.

“Cap'n, I think the accommodations seem to suit Corpse just fine.” Sultry voice said and I heard the gold be picked up.

“Gao yang jong duh goo yang! (Motherless Goats of All Motherless Goats!)” Cap'n said. “I think this is real.”

“There's no way! There hasn't been a chunk of real gold since... hold on. Has there ever been a chunk of gold anywhere?” Doc asked. “It's usually ore from a mining colony or specks of rocks and dust from panhandling on the larger planets and asteroids, isn't it?”

“Yeah. I don't know where he could have gotten something like this... unless...” Cap'n stopped talking and strode from the room.

“Where's he going?” Jayne asked.

“Probably to make a few calls.” Sultry voice said. “I think I know what he's thinking and he needs to check if he's right.”

*BEEP!* *BEEP!* *BEEP!*

“It's an Alliance patrol ship!” Cap'n shouted and he ran.

Other boots clomped around and I suddenly felt nearly everyone leave the room. I heard someone sit beside the bed and their hand touched mine.

“Relax.” Refined voice said, comfortingly. “We get stopped occasionally. Sometimes it requires some delicate negotiations...”

I gurgled a laugh and she laughed softly.

“Not always with a gun, Corpse.” Refined voice said. “Bribes usually get us on our way fairly often.”

“Hmm.” I said.

“It shouldn't take long. We're heaving to now.”

I felt the ship slow and come to a stop, which was a little weird, considering I was inside a space ship and not on an ocean.

We sat there for nearly twenty minutes before I heard three sets of boots. One was the Cap'n and the other two sounded stiff.

“This is the medbay. As you can see, we have a very sick patient, just as we told you.” Cap'n said in a supplicating voice.

He's a great actor. I thought.

“You didn't mention that you have a companion on board.” One of the men said in a snooty voice that reminded me of the purebloods from the last world. He strode across the room towards us and I immediately cast a tripping jinx on him and the defensive spell I taught Susan. He let out a pained sound as he dropped to the floor, probably cupping himself between the legs with both hands.

The other man sighed. “Get up, you fool.”

“P-pain.” The man on the floor croaked out.

“I'm sorry about that, captain.” The other man said and strode forward to pick up the man on the floor. “I can see there's nowhere to store contraband in here.”

“We barely have any medical supplies at all, let alone contraband.” Cap'n said. “It's why we haven't tried treating the patient yet. We're hoping our next stop will give us enough work to pay for some biocreme.”

“Good luck with that, captain.” The other man said and both sets of stiff shoes walked away. Well, one walked and the other hobbled.

I could almost feel Cap'n glaring at me. “Hmm.” I admitted.

Refined voice next to me chuckled and then coughed.

“You're lucky they hate each other.” Cap'n said and quickly walked away.

“Thank you for whatever you did, Corpse.” Refined voice said and pat my hand. “When you're better, I'll ask what it was.”

“Hmm.” I said. “Hmm hmmmm hmm hmm?”

“Does that happen often?” Refined voice asked me and I hummed yes in response. “More often than I would like. Just because I am a companion, that does not give men the right to treat me as if I am nothing but a companion.”

“Hmm.” I agreed. “Hmm hmm. Hmm hmm hmm.”

“You wouldn't treat me like that?” She asked.

“Hmm.”

“You are a rare specimen to not want to bed me, Corpse.”

“Hmm.” I said.

“Although, your current condition has limited your appreciation of my wares.” She said, clearly joking.

I gurgled a laugh and she laughed, too.

*

A week later, after many consultations and discussions, Doc was poised over top of me with a dermal scraper aimed at my face. “Are you sure you want me to do this?”

“Hmm.” I agreed.

“Jen mei NAI-shing duh FWO-tzoo (Extraordinarily Impatient Buddha).” Doc said and activated the device.

I cast silence on myself to stop him from hearing my scream as he tore off my right eyelids and then he tore off the left ones. Suddenly seeing everything bright and colorful, with completely bare eyeballs after all that time in the dark, was startling. I saw a nerdy man pick up a dermal generator and he leaned back over me and traced it along my eye holes.

“The tingling is your flesh trying to regrow.” Doc said and kept tracing it back and forth over both eyes.

I couldn't let it take too long, now that I knew what it felt like, so I boosted my own recently recast regeneration spell and my eyelids grew twice as fast.

Doc snapped the machine off and leaned back as he watched my eyes be covered again. He whispered a curse and looked at my mouth. “Okay, let's try the bigger one. It's going to hurt, since I can't deaden it with it melted and charred like it is.”

I nodded slightly and he got to work cutting away my lips and widening the hole, then he scraped my gums off to reveal my teeth, made incisions in the frozen jaw muscles keeping my mouth closed, and practically cut out my entire tongue.

Ten minutes later, I was both sight enabled and mouth enabled. I was glad that I had decided on the silence spell, because it was bloody torture. I dropped it and did my best to not glare at the man that just gave me back my ability to see and speak. I wanted to, though. I really, really wanted to.

“Go ahead. I know that hurt.” Doc said and didn't back down.

I opened my mouth and shouted out a stream of curses in English, Core English, French, German, Chinese, Mandarin, Russian, and Italian. In fact, I was so loud that it carried through the ship and everyone came running to see what the hell was going on. I may have cast a Sonorous spell by mistake. I wasn't going to admit that, though.

“It looks like Corpse has finally got his lips working.” Jayne said with a laugh. “I didn't recognize half of what you said!”

“I don't think any of us did.” Cap'n said and nodded to me. “You still look like death warmed over.”

“Give me another few days to get my hands working and I'll be back to myself in a week, Cap'n.” I said in my distinct voice.

“What kinda accent is that?” Soft voice asked, surprised.

“It's a mix of old American and old British, Soft Voice.” I said as I looked at her.

“Old American and old British? Are you kidding?” Soft voice asked. “Wait, why did you call me Soft Voice?”

“It's how I heard you.” I said and looked at the tall black woman in the group. “You are definitely Sultry Voice. It is very nice to finally see you.”

Zoe smiled and nodded hello.

I looked over to the slightly shorter woman next to her and smiled. “Refined voice. I don't think I could ever mistake you for anyone else.”

Inara blushed lightly. “You were a charmer when you could only hum.” She said and then smiled. “I think we are in serious trouble now that your tongue has been freed.”

Jayne laughed. “I knew it!”

I chuckled. “I'm glad you're happy about that, Heavy boots.”

Jayne grinned at me and nodded.

My eyes went to the last member of the group. “I haven't heard you or felt you around me.”

“That's my sister, River.” Doc said. “She doesn't talk much and keeps to herself.”

“And when she does talk, it's mostly gibberish nonsense.” Jayne said.

“Jayne, shut it.” Cap'n said as if in a warning.

“I wasn't being hurtful. Just sayin' the truth.” Jayne said with a shrug. “Even she admits she don't make sense sometimes.”

“It's true.” River whispered.

I gave her a pointed look. “Quiet voice.” I whispered back and she looked back at me.

“No, that's you.” River whispered. “No screaming. No mashing things. No hurricanes.”

Those words surprised me. I glanced at Doc and he shrugged. I looked back at her and she was gone.

“Yeah, she does that.” Jayne said and walked off. “Scary, I tell you.”

“Do you feel like finally answering questions without having to only say yes or no?” Cap'n asked.

“Hmm.” I grunted and grinned.

Kaylee laughed, Inara covered her mouth with a hand to stop hers, while Zoe smiled and shook her head.

Cap'n rolled his eyes and managed not to sigh. “Mind telling us your name?”

“John Hansen.” I said. “I doubt you'll find anything on me. I didn't grow up on an Alliance planet.”

“That's a mighty big problem.” Cap'n said. “You don't have any papers on you?”

I glanced down at my charred and melted body mixed with clothing and then back at his face.

“Just forget I asked that.” Cap'n said and Zoe barked a laugh. He gave her a look and she coughed and stood up straighter.

“Sorry, Cap'n.” Zoe said.

“If someone loans me some papers, I can probably make some for myself.” I said.

“Your hands are crispy sticks.” Kaylee said. “You couldn't even hold them, let alone make a copy.”

“Three days.” I said and smiled. “Once the Doc doesn't have to do the dirty work himself, I can get out of his hair and handle it myself.”

“You better hope so. We're delivering that bed you're on soon after that.” Cap'n said.

“Just let me know when to drop the Illusion.” I said.

“Now that you mentioned it, how are you doing that?” Cap'n asked.

“You wouldn't believe me if I told you.” I admitted.

“Try me.”

“It's an advanced form of light manipulation called a hologram. It can simulate...”

“He's lying.” A quiet voice said from nearby.

“Of course he is.” Cap'n sighed. “Look, Mr. Hansen. You better be straight with me or I'll drop you off when we drop that off.” He said and nodded at the bed I was on. “I won't be gentle about it, either.”

“Are you sure?” I asked. “Once I tell you, you're going to put me firmly into a specific category and I don't want to be labelled like that.”

Cap'n looked at Zoey and she shrugged. He looked at the others and they also didn't care. “It seems I'm the only one that's curious enough.”

“You know the old saying about curiosity and the cat.” I said and Zoe had to cover her mouth this time.

“If you just threatened me...” Cap'n started to say.

“It was a joke, which is why your first officer is fighting to not break rank again.” I said. “How did your search go for confirming that gold chunk?”

Cap'n opened his mouth to say and then closed it.

“That valuable, was it?” I asked. “Can I inquire as to why?”

Cap'n sighed. “No one's seen anything like it. Even normal records don't have anything like it, so Doc ran a spectrograph or somethin' on it.”

“Spectrometer.” Doc said.

“Whatever.” Cap'n said. “It's signature is unique, which means it could have only come from one place.”

Zoe caught her breath.

“Earth-that-was!” Kaylee gasped.

I looked at her. “Soft voice, what do you mean?”

“Don't you know?” Kaylee asked. “What planet are you from that they didn't teach you history?”

“I don't want to say, not after hearing that.” I said and she blushed.

“I'm rightly sorry. I didn't mean...”

“No, it's okay. It's not your fault that I wasn't taught up to a normal person's standards.”

“That's not what...”

“Enough.” Cap'n interrupted. “You need to spend a bit of time at a terminal to catch up on your readin'.” He said and looked at my mangled hands. “As soon as you're able.”

“I think I would rather hire Refined voice to help me with that as soon as this conversation ends.” I said and looked at her.

“What exactly are you going to pay me with?” Inara asked.

“Witty conversation and perhaps a lively discussion about your business practices?” I asked and she smiled with a shake of her head. “No, you're right. I give you that for free anyway.” I said and then went over what was in my head with a quick browse. I knew she was well read, so I found the perfect thing for her. “How about a book from Earth?”

Gasps came from all around me, then curses, then everyone started moving around like chickens with their heads cut off. It was actually entertaining watching them freak out over a book that they hadn't even seen yet. Out of the chaos I had started, River seemed to flow through it all and sat down beside the bed.

“You're not lying.” River whispered.

“No, I'm not.” I whispered back. “Do you want to hold onto it for me?”

River's eyes went to the people scrambling around us and waited for some kind of signal, then she nodded and held her hands out. I created a copy of Alice In Wonderland in her hands and she immediately hugged it to her chest, gave me a very intense stare, then she was away from the bed and through the bedlam with no one the wiser.

“Where is it?” Cap'n asked when he finally calmed down.

“Somewhere safe that you'll never find it. It might even be read by the time I have to hand it over to Inara.” I said with a smile, because I could have sworn I heard a barely audible giggle from somewhere. River hadn't needed my prompt to start reading it, apparently.

“Do you know how much something like that's worth?” Cap'n asked and his eye twitched.

“Not even a little.” I said and there was that nearly silent giggle again. “That's why I need Inara's help.”

Cap'n started to curse again and Inara put a hand on his arm.

“I'll do it.” Inara said. “If only to stop the book from being lost or stolen.”

“Inara, he could probably buy out the local Companion branch for a month with that thing.”

“You don't even know the name of the book.” I said.

“That's because it doesn't matter.” Cap'n said. “Just one thing from...”

“It's Alice in Wonderland by Lewis Carroll and it's a first printing.” I said and Inara wavered slightly and Cap'n caught her before she fainted. “The old Earth date was 1865. There's even illustrations in it.”

Cap'n said something about an elephant's anatomy that I didn't bother trying to hear or make sense of.

“If I remember the numbers correctly, in the 2000's, there were only a couple of them left that hadn't been recycled as waste paper. It was worth about two million Earth dollars then.” I added, quite unnecessarily, as I would later discover. Paper money no longer existed, except as a novelty.

Inara let out something like a moan and closed her eyes and hugged the Cap'n.

Cap'n whispered several more curses. “Forget buying out the Companions for a month. He could buy them out for a year.”

Inara opened her eyes and looked up at the Cap'n. She nodded slightly and he let her go. She turned to me and took several moments to compose herself. “You better not be lying about...”

“He's not lying.” River's voice said from somewhere.

“River, are you sure?” Doc asked. “If it's fake and we're caught with it...”

“It's real.” River confirmed.

“I'll be right back with my portable terminal.” Inara said and started to turn, then she walked over to me to lightly touch my hand. “You don't know what this is going to mean for me.”

“Considering it's now your job to educate me, I'll soon find out.” I said with a warm smile.

“As long as you know that's her only job.” Cap'n said.

“Cap'n!” Kaylee gasped and Inara blushed.

“Even if it worked right now, which it doesn't, I would have to negotiate with her properly, then apply the quite significant funds that I believe she would be worth to spend the night with, arrange a proper greeting place for someone of her status, and then I would treat her like a lady before treating her like a woman.” I said in a serious tone.

Kaylee and Inara blushed while Zoe looked slightly flushed.

I let that sink in for a moment before I grinned. “I sincerely doubt the top of a pile of contraband crates is the best place for relations... unless the contraband was gold bars... or more books from Earth. Apparently, they are really rare and valuable.”

Inara smiled at me and walked out of the room.

“Inara was right. We are definitely in serious trouble with your mouth working.” Zoe said.

“Well, one of you is.” I said, quite suggestively. “Can you guess which one?”

Zoe opened her mouth and looked at Inara's retreating form. She turned her head back and saw the captain's blank face. She then looked at Kaylee. Doc took the hint and put an arm around Kaylee's waist, making Kaylee blush. She quickly accepted his claim and hugged him back.

Zoe turned her head to look at me. “You can't seriously think...”

“You better not say River, because she's damn near the spitting image of my deceased daughter.” I said and everyone gasped, even River. “If my arms had been working right, I would have hugged her and held her tightly when she was here earlier.”

“River was here?” Cap'n asked and his head swivelled around as a soft giggle floated through the air.

Inara walked back into the room and carried a device that looked like a flat panel television. It was 22 inches across and had an odd casing around it, making it a little unwieldy and hard to move around. She sat down on the chair beside the bed and started to play with the thing, then she nodded and looked at my lap.

“I know it looks like it will break if you touch it. That's the melted cloth, mostly.” I said. “My thigh bones are pretty strong and I'll be replacing the skin and flesh as soon as the doc fixes my hands.”

Inara shook her head. “I was worried about hurting you, not touching you.” She said and reached up to rest a hand on the side of my face. “I haven't hesitated in touching your skin before. I'm not going to shy away from it now.”

“Good point.” I said. “I'm just glad I wasn't wearing a helmet or something when I was barbecued. That would have been a real nightmare to cut off and not lose a lot more than just my skin.”

“I think I'm the lucky one if it came to that.” Doc said and finally let Kaylee go. “I'll work on your left hand while Inara's on your right side.”

“I better silence myself, because this hurts like crazy.” I said to Inara, then whispered under my breath. “I really wish I had found a numbing spell somewhere.”

Inara blinked her eyes at me and looked surprised.

“Shh. Don't say anything. They'll think I'm crazy.” I whispered.

“What about me?” Inara whispered back.

“I'm going to give you a priceless artifact. I doubt me being crazy matters at all to you at the moment.”

Inara gave me a pointed look. “You really are going to give it to me?”

“Just the book.” I whispered and smiled crookedly at her.

Her face flushed slightly red and then she huffed.

“I'm sorry. You're very beautiful and I'm sure you are fantastic at your job.” I whispered to her and she nodded. “I'm not someone that does things casually.”

“So, you would never use my services?” Inara asked, slightly offended.

“Refined voice.” I whispered and she looked into my eyes. “I'm saying that if I ever did buy your services, no other woman would ever touch me and I would pay you whatever you wanted to never take another client.”

Inara looked shocked at my offer.

“I'm not the only one that thinks that.” I whispered. “If I was a betting man, I'm sure that the captain would pay the rest of the universe to stay away from you.”

Inara stiffened and looked over to where the captain still stood near the doorway to the medbay.

“He can't stand to see you so cozy with me, even if I'm currently a charred lump beside you and can't move.” I whispered and then chuckled. “If that's not him feeling jealous over something he believes is precious to him, then there's no such thing as jealousy.”

“Mal, he... he hasn't...”

“He's scared for you, of course.” I said and she nodded. “This isn't really a life for someone with your background.”

She gave me a stern look and I smiled.

“I didn't say it would stay that way.” I said in a normal voice. “So, show me this history lesson you've called up. Doc's about to tear my fingers apart and I need the distraction.”

“BYE!” Kaylee yelled and ran for it.

Cap'n chuckled. “She's great with oil and guts of an engine. Not so great with the blood and guts of us.”

“Neither is Refined voice. That's why she's hiding on my other side.” I said. “If you will excuse me, I need to read and scream silently.”

Cap'n looked like he was going to ask me what I meant and Doc used the dermal stripper to shear off the skin of my little finger. My mouth was open in a scream that he couldn't hear. He could see my chest expanding and knew I really was screaming. He looked at Inara's face and she was pointedly not looking at my other hand and talked about what happened to the Earth-that-was.

He gave me one last look and walked away. He knew nothing was going to happen; and yet, he was nervous. I could see it in his posture and his movements. I guessed that he didn't like that everyone liked me right away, even when I couldn't talk. I was sure that was Kaylee's fault, so I would have to thank her for it later.

Doc started to regrow the muscles on that finger instead of stripping all of my fingers at once, to my relief. I boosted it and he made an appreciative sound. I screamed again when he went to the second finger and I cursed my head off. All silently.

*

Four days later, I was in the second shuttle on a large bed and had my own surgery tools, now that I could touch them with my own fingers and made copies of them. In fact, I touched everything I could get my grubby little fingers on that I thought was worth having a copy of.

I was currently stripping the top layer of skin and cloth from my right thigh when the chime came from the door. I couldn't move at the moment, so I created a ball and threw it at the door button. It dinged and the door slid open.

“It's time for another history lesson.” Inara said as she entered. She had gotten used to me doing what I was doing, or so she claimed.

I saw her wince occasionally and never called her on it. She was being brave and I admired her for that.

“I need your lap, so can you stop for a while?” Inara asked without looking down at my exposed thigh.

“Of course. Just let me finish up with this section.” I said and used the much larger dermal generator to replace the six inch wide strip I had taken from the length of my thigh. With healing spells, regeneration, and boosts, the muscle and skin grew right in and looked healthy.

“You really need to consider becoming a doctor.” Inara said.

“Too much work and expectations.” I said and she looked at me like I was making fun of her. “Yes, I'm joking. I wouldn't pass any doctor exams or be accredited by anyone, let alone the Alliance.”

“But, you know so much.” Inara said and put her device on my lap.

“It's all practical. I can't diagnose anything or know anything past a procedure. I would have to study for years to have any real knowledge of the medical field.”

Inara sighed. “You certainly are stubborn.”

I chuckled. “So is Mal.”

Inara huffed. “You better not start acting like him.”

I held out a hand for her and she gave it a look, then she sighed and took it. “Was that so hard?”

“Yes. You know we aren't supposed to initiate things like that.”

“I have a simple solution for his problems with you.” I said and she squinted her eyes at me. “Offer to share the book with him.”

Inara gasped and stared at me, her hand gripped mine and her fingers dug into my skin.

“See? Simple.” I said.

Inara didn't say anything for a moment, then she stood up and felt my arm tug on hers. “Oh, I'm sorry.” She said and let my hand go, then she walked out of the shuttle with a confident stride.

I waited for the door to close behind her before I spoke. “I'll just do this lesson on my own, I suppose.” I said and started the little presentation she had cued up for me. I wasn't surprised that she didn't come back that day. Or the next.

*

Nearly everyone was in the galley when I entered it. I had just that morning felt energy flow through me, signifying the Prismatic Regeneration was complete and I was restored back to my full height and my fairly muscular body.

“I don't want to know how you are walking right now.” Doc said when I entered the galley.

“With my legs, of course. How else would I do it?” I asked and heard a soft giggle from somewhere. “I'll figure out where you're hiding soon!”

The giggle came again and Kaylee laughed softly.

“I swear she's been a lot more playful lately.” Kaylee said. “Just yesterday she was hanging upside down from the walkway in the cargo hold.”

“WHAT?” Doc shouted. “That's like twenty feet up!”

“Simon, she can crawl up the back of the steps like a monkey when she's restless.” Kaylee said and kissed his cheek. “I barely saw her move until she was already face to face with me and laughing.”

“Next you're going to tell me she was holding on with just her toes!” Doc exclaimed and threw up his hands in frustration.

I exchanged a look with Kaylee and she smiled and nodded slightly. I couldn't help it and laughed. “I might just have to try that, assuming I can get my big piggies through the mesh grates.”

“Piggies?” Kaylee asked.

“It's a nursery rhyme from Old Earth.” I said and the words were barely out of my mouth when River seemed to just appear from out of nowhere.

“Tell me.” River demanded.

I stood there for a moment to recover from my surprise at her speed, then I crossed my arms and tapped my chin. “Well, I might agree, if I can finally give you a hug and then show you what the nursery rhyme means.”

River stood there, almost in defiance, then she frowned slightly and nodded.

I smiled warmly and uncrossed my arms. I stepped close to her and she looked up at my face. It looked like worry on her face. “My daughter's name was Emily. I loved her as much as I loved her mother. My only regret before their deaths was that I didn't get to hug and kiss them goodbye.”

It was very quiet in the room as I slipped my arms around River. I placed a very soft kiss on her forehead and then bent over slightly to hug her tenderly. She was stiff in my arms for several seconds before she relaxed and her arms went around my waist.

“Thank you, River. Thank you very much.” I said to her, completely sincere. In my head the image for 'Trained Assassin - Broken' formed. Her skills were phenomenal, with fighting, infiltration, deception, stealth, and several others. She also had several severe ailments, two of which were brain damage and incomplete brainwashing.

“I think that's enough.” Doc said, a little sternly.

I didn't let go, because I had something to say. “I promise that I will do whatever I can to help you, River.” I whispered into her ear. “I can't do anything right now, not until I check you over without your brother watching over me and criticizing every move I make. Okay?”

River had a surprised look on her face when I eased my hold on her and I stood up straight to look at her face.

I couldn't help my laugh at her expression. “You can call me John, or Mister H, or Creepy Old Guy.”

River's surprise changed to a smile. “I like the last one.”

“Don't limit yourself. Try derivatives.” I said and she giggled. “I knew it was you that I heard laughing!”

River slipped out of my hug and then she was gone from my sight.

“Hey! That's not fair! I was still hugging you, young lady!” I exclaimed and her giggling laugh floated back to me.

The others at the table laughed or made other sounds. I ignored Doc's.

“Ha, ha, laugh it up.” I said and she laughed some more. “You forgot about the piggies.”

River was suddenly in front of me again and had a hand on my chest. “You promised, Old Guy.”

I chuckled and waved to the only unoccupied chair. “Sit and be amazed.”

River gave me a skeptical look, then she sat like a dancer that was prepared to leap to her feet.

“Right foot, please.” I said and held my hand out.

River looked at her brother, who just looked confused, so she shrugged and leaned back to put her foot into my hand.

“Thank you.” I said and slipped off her dirty sock. “Now, you will all learn the secret of the nursery rhyme.” I whispered, then pinched River's big toe. “This little piggy went to market...”

By the time I made it to the little piggy that went 'we we we' all the way home, everyone was laughing and I tickled River's foot to make her laugh the loudest.

“Now the other foot.” I said with a grin.

River let out a squeak of surprise, jumped to her feet and snagged her dirty sock from my other hand, and ran off.

“Hey! I wasn't done!” I shouted after her.

“I think she was, so your opinion doesn't matter.” Zoe said with a chuckle. “That was a great nursery rhyme.”

“There are a few of them that I know.” I said and everyone looked interested. “I probably shouldn't have said that.”

That made Inara and Kaylee laugh and Zoe nod in agreement.

“You might as well tell us.” Cap'n said and waved at the women at the table. “It's not like they'll let you leave, now that they know you've got stories from Old Earth ta share.”

I had to laugh at that. “All right, I guess I can't say no.” I said and stood. “Has everyone eaten yet?”

“No, we were just going to break out the rations.” Kaylee said.

“Nonsense.” I said. “Give me a bit of time and I'll see what I can do with what you've got in storage.”

“Help yourself, Corpse.” Cap'n said. “Good luck making a meal out of nothin'.”

I smiled and went to where they stored their fresh ingredients. It was honesty pathetic. I wasn't going to take that, though. I had lots of things that I had copied in my travels and I had access to a few lands that produced meats, vegetables, corn, milk, and anything else I could think of. Making it work with what I had access to at the moment, was going to be a bit of a problem and not give myself away.

“Hey, Inara! Don't you have a few things stashed away?” I asked.

The uproar from my question was fairly loud, so I laughed and walked out into the main room.

Inara glared at me. “I told you that in confidence.”

“Did you? I don't remember any vows exchanged.” I joked and her glare intensified. “I'll replace anything I use and the meal I make will be worth it. I promise.”

Inara sighed. “Fine. Come with me.”

I winked at the others and followed her through the ship to her shuttle. Once inside, I touched her arm. “That was an excuse.” I said and she glared at me again. “Can you keep a secret?”

Inara opened her mouth to speak and I held a hand up to stop her.

“I told you before that I can do magic and you kept that secret.” I said and pointed my palm at the floor. “Here's some proof.”

Inara gasped when a large crate formed and was filled with meats, vegetables, nuts and berries of all different kinds. “John, this... this is...”

“Worth a lot of money. I know. Your history lessons are sinking in.” I said and bent down to pick the crate up. “The crew might hate you for a bit, unless you tell them that you've been saving this for a special occasion. Like Kaylee's wedding.”

Inara looked shocked for a second, then she laughed. “Simon will kill me if I tell them that!”

“Then just say it was for the next big score... oh, wait! You just had one, didn't you?” I asked with a huge smile on my face.

Inara huffed. “Fine.” She said and pulled out her own little container from storage. “Kaylee loves strawberries, by the way. It's almost sinful how she eats them.”

I laughed. “Okay, this I have to see.”

“Simon's reaction is better.” Inara said and led me out of her shuttle.

“I bet.” I said.

The crew's reaction when we brought in what we had, was priceless. We were damn near tackled and then robbed. The crates were put onto the table and then the munching began.

“I'm supposed to cook those, you bunch of rabbits!” I said and they laughed. It didn't stop them from eating the vegetables raw, though. I quickly plucked out a few onions, a few garnishes, and the meat. “Don't fill up on the roughage. I'll be back in fifteen minutes.”

They were too busy chowing down to answer, so I went to the cookers and quickly did up the meats and things to make actual meals for everyone. I brought them back when they were done and everyone was watching Kaylee suckle on a strawberry and moan like she was having sex. I couldn't stop my erection from making an appearance and quickly put the food down.

“Enjoy!” I said and ran for it. I hid out in the shuttle and hoped that my erection would go down without me having to deal with it. The door chimed and I sighed. I guess someone did notice. I walked over to the door and did my best to hide my erection as I opened it.

Zoe stood there with two plates of cooked meat, onions, and garnishes. “You ran off and didn't take a meal for yourself.”

I looked at both plates, at her face, then looked down at my hand over my crotch. I couldn't have been more obvious about my reason for fleeing than if I had shouted it.

Zoe nodded at the bed inside and I stepped back to allow her entry. She strode in like she owned the place, put the plates on a side table, then sat on the bed as she pulled the table in front of her. She gave me a stern look and then glanced at the spot on the bed beside her.

I did not ignore the blatant invitation and walked over to sit beside her. She didn't say anything and started eating. I did as well and we sat there and ate in complete silence. It was delicious. Zoe almost couldn't stop her reactions to something so good. She fidgeted, made little sounds with her mouth, and did her best to not drool.

I didn't bother with any of that. I drooled, said it was the best meat I had ever eaten, and practically moaned after ever bite and chewed on it like it was the most delicious thing I had ever tasted. After a week of rations and cubes of weird tasting condensed meat by-products, it really was.

When the food was gone, Zoe stood up, kicked the side table out of the way with enough force that the plates shattered on the shuttle's wall, and pulled off her shirt.

I was not a stupid man and my shirt was right on top of hers when hers hit the floor. Our pants were next and then we were rolling around in the bed like a pair of teenagers. Our hands were everywhere, quickly followed by our mouths and tongues. I was soon buried so deep inside of her that she screamed my name at the top of her lungs and begged me to try and go deeper.

We didn't leave the shuttle for two days.

Zoe was out of breath as she laid on top of me and rested her head on my chest. “How long has it been for you?”

I knew exactly what she meant and answered appropriately. “I haven't been with her for about two years. Amelia was a strong and independent woman and I loved her fiercely. She was never shy about expressing herself in private, either. She didn't mind an occasional appropriate kiss in public, as long as it was discreet and didn't embarrass her.”

“She sounds like quite a lady.” Zoe whispered.

“She was.” I said and kissed the top of her head. “What about you?”

“Just over a year.” Zoe said and grew quiet.

“Hey, it's okay. You loved him and he was a huge part of your life.” I said and Zoe lifted her head to look at me. “You can be sad about losing him for as long as you want. That's just how the heart works.”

Zoe smiled slightly. “He was an ass. A jokester. Someone that never really took things seriously.”

I smiled. “I knew someone like that, too. Good god, he was irritating as hell!”

Zoe chuckled and nodded. “Wash was... he was...”

“Tell me what you loved about him.” I prompted.

“Do you really want to hear that?” Zoe asked.

“Yes, he's your husband and no one will ever replace him.” I said. “He made you happy and that makes him worth remembering. That's why it hurts so much sometimes.”

Zoe put her head down on my chest and sighed. “You really do understand.”

“It's old people like us that suffer the most.” I joked and she chuckled. “What?”

“You? Old? What are you, twenty five? Twenty nine?” Zoe asked.

“I will have you know that I am like a fine wine. If not handled correctly, I quickly grow sour and taste terrible.”

Zoe laughed and didn't stop for several minutes. When she calmed down, she was crying.

“Shh.” I said and hugged her, kissed her cheeks, her nose, and then her lips. “Don't feel guilty that you had fun with someone else after such a long time.”

“But... my husband...”

“I won't say something stupid about him wanting you to move on, because you never can. Not really.” I said and she looked surprised. “He will always have a spot in your heart, just like Amelia has one in mine. That doesn't mean we close ourselves off from those around us, especially if we meet someone that needs us as much as we need them.”

Zoe took a deep breath and let it out. “Do... do you really? Need me that is?”

“I don't see anyone else in my bed... wait, this isn't my bed, is it?” I asked and gave her a confused face.

Zoe huffed. “Don't start that Elephant Crap.”

I smiled and ran my hand through her hair to look into her eyes. “I should warn you. I suffer from what some people have called 'Devotion'.”

Zoe gave me a concerned look. “You ain't a preacher or something, are you? Because we just broke a bunch of rules that you shouldn't have broken.”

I laughed and shook my head. “I meant personal devotion. I usually choose someone to be with and that's it for me. I don't look for anyone else or even think of others. I've always been a one woman man and I have no reason to stray or to seek another.”

“That sounds kind of worrying.” Zoe admitted.

“Sometimes it can happen right away, or it can take me a while. Once I find someone, though... like I said. That's it for me. No one else will do.” I said and pet her hair. “Now that I've been with you, I am never letting you go.”

Zoe raised her eyebrows at me. “You better not be asking me to...”

“No, no, no. I don't need things like vows or promises. I tried that and it turned out pretty bad. I was severely hurt and we were together for a bit, then she cheated on me with my best friend and then left me, divorcing me to take half of everything I had.”

“No!”

“Yes. I managed to get a good litigator, though. Once it came out she was taking advantage of a cripple, everything went my way and I moved on. I still loved her, even though she hurt me so.” I said and gave her a slow and tender kiss. “But, that don't matter anymore. I just wanted you to know that I'm going to be completely yours from now on. I've never done anything casual in my life and I don't plan on starting now.”

“John...”

“It's okay if you don't feel the same. I'm just telling you that you never, ever have to worry that I'll sleep with another woman.”

Zoe blinked her eyes at me. “What... what about... Inara?”

“I've told her that if I ever slept with her, that I would buy her out for the rest of her life, just so she wouldn't have to take on another client.”

Zoe looked angry. “You... you...”

“Right after I told her that, I said that Mal would pay off the rest of the universe to keep her all to himself.” I said with a smirk and she looked surprised. “I little while later, I told her to share the book with him.”

Zoe's mouth dropped open from shock and she stared at me.

“Do you want to hear my offer for you?” I asked her and she didn't react. “Anything you need, anything you want, will be yours. You just need to tell me what it is and I'll get it for you.”

Zoe didn't react at all.

“Maybe I should have waited to make the offer.” I said and kissed her with still no reaction. “Wake me up when you recover from the shock.”

I closed my eyes and fell right to sleep. She had actually tired me out and I slept pretty well for about six hours. She must have felt me shift, because she didn't wait for me to get up to speak.

“You didn't really tell her to share the book with him, did you?” Zoe asked in a whisper.

“I did, and I didn't see her for two days. I got a lot of work done on her display device without any interruptions.”

“No wonder he had a smile on his face.” Zoe whispered. “He wouldn't say why.”

“I'm not telling people why I'll be walking around and grinning like a fool, either.” I commented.

“Hey, you... wait.” Zoe sat up and looked at me. “You're not going to tell anyone?”

“Why would I? It's none of their business what we do in private.” I said.

She let a huge smile appear on her face. “You are definitely growing on me, Mr. Hansen.”

“What? No, that's tickle fungus. Let me just get that for you.” I said and rolled her over to tickle her.

Zoe laughed and laughed, then she suddenly had me in a headlock and had her legs wrapped around my waist with my erection inside of her. I wasn't sure how she managed that so quickly. When she tried to explain it later while we ate a meal, I still didn't get it. It was a great sex position, though.

“We need a shower. A long shower.” Zoe said and stood up from the bed, her slightly muscular body gleaming with sweat.

My erection popped right up for her and she looked down at it.

“Really?” Zoe asked, her eyebrows raised.

“Can you see how sexy you are?” I asked and pointed at the wall as I made a full length mirror appear there. “Look at that and tell me you aren't the sexiest thing you've ever seen.”

Zoe turned her head to look and she had a slightly surprised look on her face for a moment, then she ran her hands over her formed abdomen and up to her breasts. Her dark nipples popped right out and she looked away from herself and down at me.

“Yes, you did this.” I said and pointed at myself.

“We still need to sneak out of here to get a shower and to meet with the crew.” Zoe said and licked her lips.

“Maybe in an hour.” I said and stood up. “I need a bit more relief from my ailment.” I whispered and kissed her passionately.

“You really should... see a doctor... about it.” Zoe moaned between kisses.

“Yes, doctor.” I said and picked her up to slip inside of her. She wrapped her legs around me again and moaned as she kissed me deeply.

*

Two weeks later, things started to change on the ship again during the latest crew meeting.

“We need to make a supply run.” Mal said as he stood and propped his foot onto a chair in the galley. “We need a food restock, fuel, and to pick up some cargo to keep flying.” He said and everyone nodded. “We also need another pilot.”

It went deathly quiet in the room.

“We've been managing to scrape by.” Kaylee said.

“River's been doing well.” Doc said.

“You've been a good pilot, Cap'n.” Jayne said.

Mal sighed. He had brought this up a few times in the last year. “Yes, I'm a good pilot.”

Everyone looked pleased by that.

“River's getting to be a good pilot.” Mal said and most of them nodded. “The problem is, we need a great pilot.”

I put my hand up to speak and Jayne chuckled.

“This ain't one of Inara's lessons, Corpse.” Mal said and nearly everyone laughed. “Speak yer mind.”

“What's it take to get certified as a pilot?” I asked and everyone turned to look at me.

“Certified? Like officially?” Kaylee asked.

“Yes. Is there like a school, or someone to hire to give me a test or something?” I asked. “If I can get a pilot's license, it will let me register my identity officially.”

A few people seemed to sigh in relief. My 'fake' papers were the best they had ever seen. It didn't stop them from worrying about them being fake and us getting caught the next time an Alliance patrol ship, or worse, one of the crime syndicate's patrol ships came calling.

“That's a mighty interesting proposal.” Mal said and looked thoughtful. “Have you been studying things outside of Inara's lessons?”

“Like crazy.” I said with a smile.

In fact, I had created a Half-Giant female copy of Madame Maxime, gave her a copy of Mal's 'flying a spaceship' ability, then let her use her Teaching Others ability to teach me it, rather than try to absorb the ability myself. That way, I gained the knowledge normally and learned it the 'hard' way. I still copied the ability myself afterwards, though. I wasn't stupid. Having a spell to make things permanent was awesome.

“Does that mean you're outgrowing her skills?” Mal asked, quite pointedly.

That set the rest of the crew to chattering and whispering.

“Actually, I could still use her help. She's a great teacher and spending time with Refined voice has been a balm to my ancient heart.” I said and nearly everyone laughed.

Since I had regenerated, I looked like I was 25, just over 6 feet tall, and quite muscular. Zoe in particular continued to point this out while scratching her nails down my back whenever she was horny.

“I get your point, though. I always keep my promises.” I said and looked up. “Hey, River! Inara needs the book.”

Everyone gasped and stared at me, then they stared as a very subdued River walked into the galley with the book clutched to her chest. A stream of whispered curses came from Mal and Jayne. They didn't try to take the book from her, though.

I stood up and went to her and gave her a hug. “I know you really liked it.” I whispered to her and she nodded. “I can make you a copy later. Is that okay?”

“Yes.” River said, her voice sad.

“Until then... I have another one for you.”

River sucked in a breath and looked up at my face. “Really?”

“I'll give it to you after the meeting and no one else needs to know.”

River smiled brightly and nodded several times.

I let her go and waved at Inara. “Your payment as promised, dear tutor.”

Inara stood, a little shaky, and held her hands out. River handed over the book without incident and then she sat down beside her brother, surprising everyone but me.

“It's real. It's real. It's real.” Inara whispered, like a chant, as she stared at the ancient book in her hands. She was immediately surrounded and everyone started talking as one about the thing. Jayne said it was just a book and looked disappointed, until Inara opened the cover and showed off the first illustration. He cursed for a full minute before asking her to find another pretty drawing to look at.

“So much for the crew meeting.” I whispered to River as I sat beside her, and she giggled. “I'm sure they'll remember eventually.” I said and created a smaller book. It was a children's book called 'Pinocchio'. “I would tell you about it, except that I don't want to ruin the story for you.” I breathed and kissed her cheek. “You can go and have fun now.”

River nodded and slipped down under the table, crossed the room, and disappeared without anyone seeing her. It made me realize that there were a bunch of skills that I could have my Half-Giant teacher teach me the hard way, and smiled. This was going to be fun.

*

The Alliance receptionist was a snooty high class woman and she apparently didn't like what I was wearing. “Are you really here to take a pilot's certification test?” She asked and looked me up and down again, disapproval still on her face.

“I haven't had a chance to buy appropriate clothing and have it fitted.” I said. I was wearing a basic set of muggle clothing that were just cheap dress pants and a shirt. It wasn't of a high enough quality or style for her tastes, apparently. I had done it this way on purpose and to make a point.

“Papers.” She said and held a hand out for them.

I handed them over and she barely glanced at them and handed them back. As I suspected, it was just a test to see if I actually had papers. That they weren't authenticated, proved to me that most people asking for them wouldn't realize that they were fakes, unless they were specifically trained to identify them.

“You must pay for the test upfront. If you fail, you lose the fee and must wait a month to take the test and then pay again. This is not a free service.” She said, almost with a sneer.

I stood there and pretended to think about it. I knew we were being watched, either by security to take me down or her supervisor to see how she does her job. “All right, that's fair. Would you like Alliance credits, gold nuggets, a bank draft of local currency, medical supplies, a crate of fresh steaks, or a piece of silverware from Earth-that-was?”

The entire lobby seemed to become deathly quiet. I wasn't surprised when a man in a very expensive suit came out from a hidden wall and smiled warmly at me.

“I will handle this one personally, Sandra.” The man said and the woman didn't react. She was too stunned by my payment offers.

“I don't want to take up too much of your valuable time, sir.” I said, respectfully.

The man lightly chuckled. “Don't worry about that.” He said and looked at my outfit. “You mentioned not having the time to get properly fitted?”

“It was a rush to get planetside and arrange the various payments, since I didn't know what the local policy was for service exchanges.” I said and he nodded. “Not only did I not find a suitable clothing outfitter and had to wear... this.” I motioned at my basic clothing and letting some disgust show on my face. “I didn't get a chance to eat before coming here.”

The man smiled. “You are in luck, young man. My tailor has been looking for some time for a strapping young man to outfit and my wife is an excellent cook.”

“Oh, I couldn't possibly impose upon you in such a way.” I said. “You are already making this experience less of a chore.”

The man lightly laughed. “I do my best. The test shouldn't take more than an hour.” He said and eased Sandra's chair to the side and typed up a few things. “I see you're a little early for your test.”

“I have someone waiting outside with the crate of steaks.” I said. “Fresh is better than frozen.”

“I completely agree, my friend.” He said and then typed some more. “How about a compromise? Half the cost in Alliance credits to cover the registration fees and the tester's salary, then split the steaks?”

I didn't even have to think about that offer. “That would be wonderful.” I said and he typed some more. “In fact, you're being quite helpful. I don't want to split the crate, so why don't you keep the rest for your own use?”

Sandra gasped and a few people milling round made odd sounds.

The man's smile nearly split his face. “That is a great idea. Thank you.”

I turned and waved at the door. Mal and Zoe entered the building carrying a quite large shipping crate, making everyone in the lobby freeze. “Thank you. You may put it there and leave.”

Mal and Zoe glared at me, as planned, and walked away.

“Good help is quite difficult to find some days.” I commented and the man laughed.

*

“Advanced Pilot? Are you Tickling a Panda's Asshole?” Mal cursed and started pacing back and forth the cargo bay during an impromptu crew meeting. “How the Gorram did you manage that?”

“The instructor recognized skill when he saw it.” I said with a grin. It shouldn't be this much fun tweaking Mal and making his eye twitch. I didn't tell him that I copied the tester's Advanced Piloting Skill and shocked the hell out of the man, forcing him to upgrade my test to see what I could do. “He liked the handful of gold nuggets I gave him, too.”

Mal cursed again and Zoe gave me a knowing look. She knew I was playing with him a bit and I winked at her, making her smile. I would need to let my Half-Giant teach me the long way for me to understand what it was I was doing while flying the advanced course, though. Doing things automatically felt really weird.

With my brain not engaged normally, it was like I was on autopilot and not really in control. I did not like feeling like that. I had ignored things in the muggle world... the normal world... last time. I wasn't going to make that mistake again. It was why I was paying so much for Inara's history lessons.

“How did the supplies gathering go?” I asked to distract Mal.

“That fist-sized chunk of gold was worth a hell of a lot more than what we got for it in trade.” Zoe said, catching on to what I was doing. “That being said, the tanks are full, the pantry's stocked, and we got some maintenance done on the outside that the ship's needed for a while.”

“I would have done it myself, only I needed Alliance parts to do it.” Kaylee said. “It's a might hard to get some of them out on the rim.”

“What about the spare parts storage?” I asked and she looked a little sad. “Too expensive for something?”

Kaylee nodded. “I saw this great stabilizer and a support strut for...”

“We can't afford it, not with the ready credits we had going to a certain someone for their test.” Mal interrupted and pointedly didn't look at me, which made his point.

“That's not a problem. Zoe, Kaylee, Inara, and River.” I said, even though River wasn't technically anywhere around us. “Get gussied up into your best outfits. We're going shopping.”

“How? Most shops only take local currency and Alliance credits.” Zoe said.

I let a smile appear on my face. “I took care of that while I was out getting myself some new suits.” I said and took out a credit chip and gave it to Mal. “Here's ten thousand Alliance credits, completely legitimate, free and clear.” Who knew that a table place setting from Earth was worth so much?

Everyone stared at the chip in Mal's hand, their faces showing disbelief.

“I would never leave my friends destitute for long, especially since they helped me register my identity.” I said and looked at the women. “Well, what are you waiting for? Hurry up and get changed. We've got several shopping districts to assault.”

They looked at me and back at the chip in Mal's hand.

“Hey, eyes off the captain's private property. That's Mal's money.” I said and then laughed at their shocked faces as everyone turned to stare at me again, even Mal. “I had a stash of things to pawn off to get some cash; but, I couldn't do that without an ID.” I pulled out a handful of chips from my tailored pocket. “I've got enough chips for everyone.”

The squeals from everyone almost busted my eardrums. The worst offender was Jayne, for some reason. I was sure it would have been Doc screaming the loudest with being able to buy real medical supplies and not having to pick and choose the cheapest things.

“Jayne, what...” I started to ask.

“Guns.” Jayne said and ran down the ramp and was gone.

I chuckled and turned back and saw that the rest were still standing there, only they were now staring at the credit chip in their hand instead of at me. I was glad that making copies was so cheap, because ten thousand credits for one colorless magic was ridiculous. Even River had appeared and taken hers as well.

“I don't see anyone getting dressed.” I said and crossed my arms and tapped my foot.

Kaylee gave me a huge smile and glanced at Simon, then she darted towards me and kissed my cheek. “Thanks, Corpse!” She said and ran off.

“I said best dressed, not best engineer! No cover-alls!” I shouted after her and she laughed.

“You know you can't buy us off, right?” Zoe said and gave me a penetrating stare.

“Of course not.” I said and looked into her eyes. “You guys found me and took me in when I had nothing. You didn't know me and you had no obligation to do more than make sure I was alright, even if I did somehow pop out of your engine.”

River giggled. “I wish I saw that.”

“If I can find what I want today, that may be possible.” I said and she looked at me with intensity. “Yes, really. Not that I need to tell you that.”

River smiled.

“I would have to get Kaylee's help, assuming she saw it. Or Jayne. They were both there. I can't remember if the cap'n was there from the first.”

“I wasn't.” Mal said and held up the chip. “Are you sure this is real?”

“Completely. The guy really liked the steaks and his wife is a great cook.” I said. “By the way, I also learned a recipe to cook steaks in milk.”

Zoe coughed to stop her laugh and Mal's mouth twitched in a smile briefly.

“Aha! I almost had it!” I said and pointed at his face.

“No, you didn't.” Mal said and walked off down the ramp.

“Is that a real recipe?” Doc asked.

“It made the meat a little more tender and tasted good. The smell of cooking milk for an hour, though? Bloody hell, it was disgusting.”

Zoe didn't stop her laugh this time and lightly touched my shoulder, then went deeper into the ship.

“I'll get changed as well.” Inara said. “River, do you... where did she go?”

“She left a while ago.” I said and Inara nodded and walked away. “So, Doc. Are you ordering it over a terminal or going yourself?”

“Myself. Only I can ensure that the goods are real.” Simon said.

“Have fun. If you see Jayne anywhere...”

“Run, I know.” Simon joked and walked down the ramp. “Don't think we won't be talking later about Kaylee kissing your cheek.”

“Honestly, Doc. You better ask her to marry you before she thinks you don't love her enough.” I said and he froze and stopped walking. “She knows you love her and you're scared because of River and being out here in the black. That doesn't mean you can't have a life.”

“What... what kind of home... is a ship?” Doc asked, almost in a whisper.

“You need to realize something right quick.” I said and he turned to look at me. “It's the people in it that make a family, not where they live.”

Doc looked like he was going to answer, then he sucked in a sharp breath as soft shoes walked up behind me.

“I shore bet she's prettier than a picture, ain't she?” I asked as I let my southern drawl really come out. “Ah don' wanna look and ruin the grease monkey image I have of 'er, do I?”

Kaylee laughed softly from right behind me. “It's okay, you can look. I don't mind getting gussied up sometimes.”

“Do you mind, Doc? I ain't gonna look if you wanna keep this image all to yerself.”

Simon looked at Kaylee and back to me. “Don't let her spend all of that money on ship parts.”

“Don't you worry about that none.” I said with a grin. “I'm paying for this shopping trip, no one else.”

Kaylee gasped at my words and I turned to look at her.

“Yep, pretty as a picture.” I said and took out a camera. “Lemmie just save this for posterity and to rub in Doc's face later. He's gonna need proof that you're real.”

Kaylee blushed and nodded.

I stepped back and took several pictures, then did the same when Inara and Zoe came back into the cargo bay. I complimented them, then held my hand out into the air with the palm facing up. River seemed to appear from nowhere and took my hand as she slid her fingers between mine.

“Remember, y'all. Anythin' ya want, is yours. Ya see it, I'll buy it fer ya.” I said.

“What is the accent?” River asked, her face curious.

“It's from my roots. I grew up on a farm and learned from my dad.” I said in my normal voice, a mix of American and British. “I think it's a lot closer to Rim speech than I thought it was.”

“You'll definitely fit in on the border planets if you talk like that.” Zoe said and started to walk down the ramp. “They might kick you out of the high end stores here for the same reason.”

I chuckled and followed her with River still holding my hand.

Zoe wore a nice skirt and a blue blouse, just so she wouldn't stand out when among other women on the planet. She definitely preferred wearing pants. “Are you sure you're ready for this?”

“I think you need to ask the shop owners that.” I said with a crooked smile.

*

“He really bought everything.” Inara whispered later that day as she sat in her shuttle with fifteen large bags that were filled with the prettiest and most expensive clothing and jewellery items that she had ever seen. She didn't glance over at the stack of 37 shoe boxes that could be used for all of the matching outfits she could make with everything.

Inara's eyes went over to the book that sat in a glass covered display embedded in the wall of the shuttle. She had already told the Head Companion about it and had nearly fainted at the deposit she had received to hold onto the thing and to not tell anyone else about it.

What else does he have stashed around? Inara asked herself and looked down at the fortune of clothing and items in front of her. Do I even want to know?

*

River giggled like mad as she filled up her hiding place with the things her new father had bought for her. He had kept his promise and had given her another copy of Alice. She couldn't help by think that she was just like that girl, sometimes lost in a crazy wonderland that didn't make sense sometimes. She wondered if he knew that and had given her the book first because he knew.

She shrugged and went over to the little shelf he had bought for her. She picked up a bag that he had handed to her just after they had entered the ship and smiled. It was a lot heavier than the others and she knew that it was something he only wanted her to have. She opened it up and her giggles stopped as she caught her breath.

One by one, River pulled out book after book. Some were for children that were mostly pictures and some were actual books with mostly words. She placed each one onto the shelf with the other two books that she had. She knew they were treasures beyond value, beyond what anyone had a right to have, and her heart fluttered at her new father trusting someone like her with them.

River wasn't surprised that the last book fit perfectly onto the shelf and she sat down on the floor to admire it. It was hers. It was all hers and no one but her and John knew about it. She smiled and pulled out the first new book in the row and opened it. Little Red Riding Hood looked like a good story and she paused when she saw a piece of paper was there with writing on it.

“The wolf is what's wrong with you and I am the man with the axe. Love, John.” River read out loud and then flipped the page. She couldn't wait to see what was going to happen if her father was going to be in the story.

*

Kaylee felt like she was floating on a cloud as she stared at the industrial crate sitting in the cargo bay. After buying many bags full of pretty outfits to wear for Simon, she had managed to convince John to stop by the parts area to pick up a few things on the way home. John wasn't having that and told the parts guy that he would buy out all of his Firefly parts, as long as they could be fixed to fit into a series three.

The parts guy had pretty much fallen all over himself to make her and John happy by giving them such a good deal that John refused to accept any change as he handed over two of the chips with ten thousand credits each on them. John had the hold the guy off from trying to kiss him and Kaylee had laughed so hard at the time that she peed a little.

“I could almost build another ship with all these spare parts.” Kaylee said with a laugh.

“Don't tease me so.” Mal said as he walked up the ramp to stand beside her. “We need to get those parts stored to free up some space in here.”

Kaylee rolled her eyes. “Cap'n, I gotta go through the other parts I got and compare...”

“No need.” John said as he walked over to her and handed her a piece of paper with a list of the parts and they were all in perfect condition. He had repaired them all.

“Is that real gorram paper?” Mal asked, surprised.

“It's parchment, actually.” John said and Kaylee gasped. “What?”

“Parchment was made hundreds of years before paper!”

“Oh.” John said and plucked the parchment from her hand. “I keep forgetting to use a tablet or something. I'll be right back.”

Kaylee and Mal stared after him as he went back up the stairs.

“Did he just... he didn't just...” Kaylee mumbled in a whisper.

“Tackle him and get it back?” Mal suggested.

“Yes!” Kaylee said and chased after her prey. With luck, he hadn't gotten far.

*

Simon Tam sat in his completely full and slightly overstocked medical bay. He had used up nearly all of that ten thousand credits and he didn't feel even a little bit guilty about it. He wasn't sure why, though. That was why he was currently sitting there and stared at the shelves that he had meticulously organized and put in order.

The door opened and the object of his thoughts hobbled in with a twisted ankle and a cut on his forehead several inches long.

“Your woman is bloody crazy.” John said and plopped down on the bed beside where Simon sat. “She just tackled me down the steps into the bridge, kneed me in the back, then ran off with the parts list.”

Simon stared at him and didn't say anything.

“It was written on parchment paper.” John clarified.

“Ohhhh, that explains it.” Simon said and took out some cleaning supplies. “She could keep Serenity in fuel for a year if she sold that in the right market.”

“It's written on with a list of current parts.” John said and hissed as Simon wiped off his forehead with the stinging chemicals. “Easy on the face.”

Simon raised his eyebrows at him. “Kaylee kissed your cheek.”

John was quiet for a second. “That's fair.”

Simon smiled as he picked up the dermal stitcher and made sure the cut wouldn't leave a scar. “It doesn't matter what's written on it. It's paper.” He said and finished up his work with a dab of cleaning cream. “You wouldn't happen to know why I don't feel guilty about spending nearly ten thousand credits, do you?”

“Sure I do.” John said and lifted his foot to put it on the bed. “It was free money. No requirements to get it, no jobs needed to earn it, and no worry that someone's going to come after you for taking it and spending it.”

Simon stared at the man and John pointed at his foot. “Right, let me just check that for you.”

John chuckled. “If you're feeling bad because you don't feel bad, I have a simple solution for you.”

“This I need to hear.” Simon said and used a hand-held x-ray scanner and nodded. “It's just sprained. With your metabolism, stay off of it for a couple of days and you'll be fine.”

“How am I supposed to climb down into my new bunk?” John asked.

“Have Zoe carry you, you wimp.” Simon said with a grin and handed him a collapsible cane.

“Ha!” John said and stood. “She'll love that. Thanks.”

Simon nodded and then remembered to ask. “What was your simple solution to my problem?”

“This.” John smiled and tossed him something.

Simon caught it and then looked down at what he had in his hand. He nearly stopped breathing because it was another credit chip with ten thousand credits on it.

*

Zoe sat in the galley and she was deep in thought. She had been a little reluctant to accept John's assertion and pledge that he would always be devoted to her, no matter what. His promise that he wouldn't even imply that they were together if she didn't want him to, had made her question her own choice in the matter.

She went over what they had done earlier today and her mind kept going to how he acted around River. He acted like a father and a man that cared deeply for his daughter. It was endearing and seemed a little creepy, then she remembered the looks he would give her when he caught her staring at him. He wanted her and he wanted her bad.

Zoe hadn't even dressed all the way up and he still tore her clothing off with his eyes, as if he couldn't get enough of her. It was a might flattering to her feminine sensibilities. The only problem was that she hadn't seen him fight and they hadn't been in any situation where she could see if he could back her up if it was necessary.

As she thought this, the man she was thinking about hobbled into the galley with a cane. He gave her a smile so warm that she swore that she felt the heat of it from across the room.

“Do I even want to know?” Zoe asked him and looked at the cane.

“Kaylee and parchment don't mix well if you try to take it back from her.” John said with a smile.

Zoe barked a laugh. “Goramit, you're an idiot!”

“She knocked me down and I sprained my ankle.” John said. “The doc gave me some interesting orders, too.”

“Oh? You better spill them then. We don't want you disobeying orders.”

“He told me to stay off this thing for a couple of days to let it heal.”

“How are you going to get down into your bunk?” Zoe asked.

“That's what I asked him.” John said with a crooked smile. “He said 'have Zoe carry you, you wimp'.”

Zoe stared at him to see if he was going to laugh. He didn't. It was then that she realized that he was completely serious. “Ha.” She paused. “Ha ha ha.” She tried to stop and couldn't. “BWAHAHAHA!”

For the first time in as long as she could remember, she had a hard belly laugh and was doubled over holding her stomach.

Ten minutes later, the entire crew watched as Zoe draped John's muscular arms over her shoulders and then she dragged him through the ship before she carried him down into his assigned bunk, just like the doctor ordered.

“Someone tell me they got pictures of that.” Jayne said. “Please! I'll give you first pick of the berries!”

Kaylee held up a little camera.

“YES!” Jayne yelled and celebrated by dancing around, which Kaylee took pictures of. For blackmail purposes, of course. She loved strawberries and would make sure she got them.

No one noticed that Zoey hadn't come back out of John's bunk.

*

I took Doc's advice and spent two days relaxing to let my ankle rest. I didn't need to, not with the healing spells and regeneration I had access to. I just didn't want to have to explain why I didn't need rest after clearly spraining my ankle.

I gave Zoe a kiss before casting some maintenance spells on myself. Once I was clean enough, I dressed in normal clothing and then climbed up the small ladder to the hatch into the walkway that led to the cockpit. I stepped into the cockpit and wasn't surprised to see Mal sitting there.

“It's about time you dragged your sorry arse out of yer bunk.” Mal said with a chuckle.

“Well, I was tackled from there to here.” I said and pointed at the top of the steps and down to where I was standing. “Face first, too.”

Mal laughed. “I never knew Kaylee had it in'er to do that!”

I laughed as well and sat down. “I never did thank her for bringing me onboard.”

That made Mal laugh more.

“What's the scoop on our flight schedule?” I asked and checked over the secondary flight console.

“Might have a cargo or two.” Mal said, a little evasively.

“Well, if it's something that needs a warm body to lay on and hide...” I offered and he gave me a searching look. “...I wouldn't be adverse to the prospect.”

Mal sat back a little and regarded me for a few moments. “That's a might generous of you to offer.”

“I wouldn't mind, considering how much I like it here.” I said and gave him a searching look back. “What would it take for you to keep me on as crew?”

Mal's face lost all expression. “You haven't even flown for me yet and you're already trying to stay on?”

I chuckled. “Are you kidding? This place is great!” I waved a hand around. “It's a little cramped if we all try moving around at once; but, none of us are stupid enough to try that more than once.”

Mal chuckled and just I knew there had to be at least one pile-up of people while running for either the cockpit or the galley.

“The crew, though? Best bunch of misfits I've ever seen.” I said and he nodded. “I don't rightly know how they mesh together so well, considering who they are.”

“Jayne hasn't left his bunk since he came back with that big case.” Mal said.

“You know he bought something really cool and really destructive.” I said and he laughed. “Kaylee can fix a reactor with spit and elbow grease. Simon can doctor up and fix almost anything, now that he's got his little kingdom well stocked.”

“I haven't thanked you for that.” Mal said.

I shook my head. “After what he went through with River and then with getting me up and functional after being crispy crittered? I don't need thanks for that.”

Mal nodded. “Crispy crittered. I like that.”

“I've grown accustomed to Corpse, so no changing it.” I pointed at him and he raised his hands in surrender. “Zoe's the lynch pin and if she wasn't here to run interference for you, you'd be shoved out the airlock for your uppity attitude.”

Mal laughed. “I can't rightly argue that.”

“Then you're here to keep them all together. Order, discipline, structure, and a tendency to misbehave, like the best uncle a kid could have.” I said and he locked eyes with mine. “You make this place worth staying for. Fighting for.”

Mal was quiet for a minute. “You've gotten that much insight to us already?”

“No, I had all that after the first three days, once I met everyone.” I said and smiled at his surprised expression. “Since then, it was my turn to live what your lives were like. Of all the places I've been, this is the life that's the closest to the one I left back on the farm.”

“In a spaceship.” Mal said.

“Like I told Simon, it's not where you live that makes you a family. It's the people.”

Mal fell silent again and waited for nearly two minutes before he spoke. “I'll accept the cargo fares and we'll prep to leave right after. You'll get your chance to take the ship out of atmo then.”

I smiled. “Thanks, Cap'n.”

“Familiarize yourself with the old bird for now. I've got a few errands to run.” Mal said and stood.

“Zoe should be up if you're looking for backup.” I said and motioned to the two pilot seats. “Do you want me on primary or secondary?”

Mal thought about it. “Primary. Show me if that pilot license was justified.”

“Aye aye, Cap'n.” I said and saluted with the Allance Navy salute.

Mal returned it with a rude gesture instead, laughed, and left.

*

“You're really letting him take us up on his first flight.” Kaylee whispered from the back of the bridge.

I turned and smiled at her. “Don't worry. I bought you all those spare parts for a reason.”

Kaylee gasped. “I'm going back to the engine room to check it again!” She shouted and ran away.

Zoe stepped forward and whacked me on the back of the head. “Stop teasing her.”

“Ow. Sorry.” I said and rubbed my head and turned back to face forward. “If you're staying, grab onto something.”

“What? Why?” Mal asked from the second pilot's seat.

“Because this is going to be fun.” I said and hit the button to initiate a communication with the closest flight tower. “Alliance flight control, this is Serenity in Berth 183, Ship Class 03-K64-Firefly, Hull G-82659, requesting clearance for liftoff and salute.”

There was complete silence in return for about fifteen seconds.

“Could you repeat that, Serenity? Did you ask for clearance for a salute after liftoff?” A nervous voice asked.

“That's confirmed. Requesting permission to salute the flagship.” I responded.

“With a Firefly.” The now shocked voice said.

“Yes, sir.”

Another fifteen seconds passed and another voice came out of the speakers.

“Permission granted, just so I can ether be dazzled or see the explosion when your containment fails.”

I chuckled. “Be prepared to be properly dazzled, sir. Serenity out.”

“Corpse, what are you doing?” Mal asked as the ship powered up.

“Technically something that shouldn't be possible with this ship's engine design.” I said and used the controls to lift the ship. “Flight path locked in.” I said and the ship tilted back and I poured on the speed. The engine whined as it spun in the atmosphere and the sound was like music to my ears.

“Cap'n, we're getting awfully close to redline.” Kaylee's voice said over the intercom.

“I know.” Mal said and gave me a pointed look.

“Trust me.” I said and added more power.

The ship sped up and everyone was holding on with worry on their faces. The sky outside the viewports started to fade as we passed from the thick atmosphere from the planet Bellerophon and into low orbit.

“Donkey testicles! We're headed right for the Alliance's command ship!” Jayne shouted and then started cursing some more.

I didn't ease up on the throttle, even though we're no longer deep in a gravity well and entering the upper orbit of the planet, clearly on a collision course with the command ship.

“Corpse!” Mal shouted and I didn't react. “John! What are you doing?”

“Saluting the Alliance.” I said and pulled back on the controls at the last second and the ship changed directions to fly exactly perpendicular to the command ship. I turned our ship into a corkscrew, making everyone in the cockpit yell and scream, then I 'burped' the reactor core three times. It caused the rear of the ship to glow like a little sun and I cast repair on the ship each time to keep containment.

At the last burp, I straightened out the corkscrew and then pulled back on the controls to do a perfectly executed round loop above the command ship to return to the front, then I did another corkscrew and burped the reactor three more times before flying off into the black.

“FIRED! YOU'RE FIRED! I want you off my ship YESTERDAY!” Mal yelled.

“Excuse me for a second, Cap'n. We're getting a call.” I said and silenced him as I accepted.

“Damn, you're good. If you hadn't signed onto that crew for life, I'd hire you on the spot.” The voice said, clearly impressed. “If you're ever back this way again, you're invited to dinner.”

“Thank you, sir. I know a great recipe for steaks cooked in milk. I'll bring the steaks.”

The man laughed. “Now I really want you to come back. If you're ever looking for a freelance job or two with a legitimate cargo to deliver, let me know. Alliance Command out.”

I flicked off the signal and cancelled the silence spell on Mal. He looked absolutely stunned.

Zoe was not bothered by Mal's outburst earlier or by his silence now. “Did I hear him right? You signed on with us for life?”

“Of course I did.” I said and set the autopilot. “I've gotten to know you all since I've been here and I really like you all.” I said and kept my eyes on hers to show her my sincerity. “I never want to leave.”

“And... and you told them.” Zoe whispered. “You told the Alliance... you're here to stay.”

“You heard him. If he suspected that he could lure me away, he would have already.” I said and stood. “I won't let anything take me away from you.”

Zoe stepped close and looked into my eyes. “Okay.”

I knew what she meant, so I put my arms around her and kissed her, hard. No one reacted.

Boots clunked up to the cockpit and then Kaylee gasped. “I knew it! I knew it!”

I broke the kiss and everyone was staring at us, especially Mal. “How's the engine, Kaylee?”

“She sparked something fierce during those containment flares you caused.” Kaylee said and glared at me. “It seems fine, though.”

“I'll help you overhaul it at the next stop and maybe we can tweak it and get the fuel efficiency down a few percent.”

“You promise?” Kaylee asked, her eyes squinted.

“We're going all the way to Newhope in the Georgia System, so yeah. I promise.” I said and a few people around us gasped. “That surprises you and not Zoe licking my tonsils?”

Zoe punched me hard and I made a satisfying 'oof' sound for her. “Shut it.”

“I'm.. sorry.” I wheezed and rubbed my chest. I cast healing on myself to stop the bruise from forming.

“You still have to show me how you are in a firefight.” Zoe said, like an accusation, as if I intentionally hadn't shown her on purpose.

“You find me a firefight and I'll take care of it.” I promised.

Zoe nodded and looked at Mal. “Was it the praise Corpse got or the fact they know we've got contraband on board that's got your tongue tied up?”

“They knew.” Mal said and looked at me. “They knew and let us go anyway.”

I shrugged. “You would be surprised how much people in authority let others get away with, just to see what happens. I mean, I just buzzed the capital ship and they let me do it, just to see if I could.”

“Why?” Zoe asked.

“Entertainment. It keeps the lower ranks busy if there's always someone for them to chase.” I said and Jayne started cursing again. “We're not that significant in the big scheme of things. What's a single cargo shipment among... Inara? What was the last population census for the Alliance?”

“Nearly 50 billion people.” Inara said.

“So, one or two little illegal operations are not going to cause even a ripple in a population that huge. It's spread out over 200 planets and moons as well, so they know something is going on. There's too many people around for there not to be.”

They all went quiet and thought about that.

“How are you so wise?” River asked from behind the pilot's seat.

“Do you want the truth or a great story?” I asked.

River hopped up and flipped over to sit down in the seat as if she had always been there. “Story first and then the truth.”

“It all started when I somehow popped out of Serenity's main engine.” I said and Kaylee got a particular look on her face. I reached out my hand to her and a ghostly substance floated out of her temple and into my hand where a vial formed and the substance floated into it.

“WHAT THE GORRAM WAS THAT?!?” Everyone yelled, even River. She couldn't stop feeling everyone's shock and reacted the same way.

“This is a copy of the memory from that day.” I said and walked out of the cockpit. No one said anything until I came back with a large stone dish.

“What is that?” River asked.

“Remember when I promised to show you a memory of that day if it was possible?” I asked and she nodded. “This is how.” I said and opened up the vial and poured the memory in. I tapped the side to make it glow and nodded. “All right, it's ready.”

“What do you mean it's ready?” Kaylee asked. “Did it cook or something?”

I chuckled. “No, it's just ready for us all to watch what happened.”

“How?” River asked.

“Stick your finger in.” I said and she did... then she was sucked right into the bowl.

“RIVER!” Several of them yelled.

“Quick! Stick in a finger to go after her!” I exclaimed, easily sucking them all into the slight deception of saving her, and put my own finger in to follow them.

“What the hell.” Simon said as he looked around. “We're outside the ship somehow.”

“Actually, we're inside Kaylee's memory of the outside of the ship.” I said and waved my hand. “Let's see what happened.”

Everyone stared as the memory started and another Kaylee was working on the side of the engine, then she hit the test sequence on her controls.

*KABOOOM!*

Kaylee yelled at the sound and then saw something shoot out of the ship's engine, hit the side of the landing bay, and bounce off.

“Damn, no wonder I was so hurt.” I said and my memory self didn't move or talk for a while.

Memory Kaylee looked about to cry when Memory Jayne and Memory Mal showed up to see what had happened. She explained and as she did so she lightly touched the charred and melted corpse's forehead.

“Uhhhh.” Memory me groaned.

It played out like I remembered and then ended when Kaylee left me in the cargo bay. In the next moment, we were ejected and were standing back where we were.

“That was the freakiest goramit thing I've ever seen.” Jayne said. “There were two of me. Two!”

“What just happened?” Mal asked.

“River wanted to know what happened when I arrived here. Kaylee gave us that chance.”

“No, I mean what the gorram is that?” Mal said and pointed at the stone bowl.

“I created this after our ridiculous shopping trip. It lets you view other people's memories. Or your own. It's pretty useful for remembering or reviewing things, like we just did.”

“What happens to that?” Kaylee asked.

I held the vial near the surface of the liquid and the substance slid back inside and the bowl was now empty. I corked it and handed it to her. “You can keep it or I can erase it.”

“You can watch it as many times as you want?” Kaylee asked.

“Yes. It's always perfect recall as well, unless someone is messing around in your head, then they can be damaged and sometimes unrecoverable.”

“I guess only you can make those memory things.” Mal said.

“And the viewer.” I smiled. “Forget a limited market, try non-existent.”

Mal sighed and nodded. “I get it. Personal use only.”

“Crew use only.” I corrected and they looked surprised. “I never plan on leaving, so you're all going to benefit from me being here.”

“How mighty nice of you.” Mal said, sarcastically.

“That's me, Mr. Nice Guy.” I joked. “I'll set up some private time for each of you, make you a bunch of vials, and you can go through them on your own. You can just pour them all in at once and they'll keep playing or one at a time and then leave, retrieve it, and add another.”

“What if we don't want it anymore?” Kaylee asked.

“Pop the cork. It'll evaporate on its own or I can cancel it.” I told her.

Kaylee handed me the vial. “It was scary the first time and sad the second. I ain't watching it again.”

It dissolved it in my hand and I smiled at her.

“Think up some good memories for later and I'll do them up for you.”

“Thanks, Corpse.” Kaylee said.

“Was that the story?” River asked. “If it was, tell us the truth.”

“You're going to think of me as crazy when you hear this.” I said and they all exchanged looks.

“We're all pretty sure you are crazy, so just spill it.” Jayne said.

“My name really is John Hansen and I really was born and raised on a farm. In Kansas.” I said.

“Never heard of a planet named that. A moon past the rim, maybe?” Mal asked.

“No. It was in America. The United States of America. On Earth.” I said.

Complete silence met my words for about ten seconds, then Jayne started to laugh. Kaylee was next and then Inara and the others joined in. The only one not laughing was River. She knew I spoke the truth.

“I really needed that laugh! Thanks, Corpse.” Mal said and pat my shoulder. “Keep the ship on the right heading. If any patrols pass by, just hail them a good day and keep flying. They apparently love you.”

He walked out of the cockpit and everyone else followed him as they thanked me for the laugh, too.

“You didn't lie.” River whispered.

“No, sweetie.” I said and knelt by the pilot's chair. “How about you let me sit and I'll keep telling you all about it.”

River stood up and I sat to resume my post, then she pushed my arms out of the way and sat down on my lap and cuddled in. “I'm ready.”

I chuckled and put my arms around her and saw that I could still reach the controls, so I didn't ask her to move. “All right. I met my future wife when I was a kid and we were both as ignorant as donkeys.”

River chuckled. “That's pretty ignorant.”

“Tell me about it.” I said. “It wasn't until we were about ten that we started to realize the school was intentionally keeping us dumb, so we wouldn't want to move away and stop farming.”

“Bastards.” River spat.

I laughed. “I wouldn't call them that until I was much older and realized they were doing it to everyone and not just the farm kids.”

“Did you do something about it?” River asked.

“It took years before anyone on the national school board would even look at our letters. There were a dozen of us and we taught ourselves from books in secret. We spent more time in the library than the librarian, even when we graduated and eventually took over our family farms.”

“You still farmed?” River asked, surprised.

“I loved it there.” I said and then explained my connection to the land, how things always grew better when I was around, and how I would sit for hours in the afternoon when I was older and just stared out over my lands.

“That sounds so nice.” River said.

“When Mal comes back for his shift, I can show you.” I said.

“Really?” River asked, excited.

“Yes, River. I'll show you.” I said and kissed her forehead. “I'll show you everything.”

River looked happy and hugged me. “When are you going to start using your axe?”

I smiled. “Why do you think I have the pensieve? We're going to start going through your memories and see where we can fix things.”

“We?” River asked and looked up at my face.

“We'll be doing it together, just like Little Red Riding Hood. She helped bring down the big bad wolf and we are going to do the same to yours.” I promised.

River ducked her head back down and cuddled my chest again. “Simon says my amygdala was shredded and stitched back together.”

I caught my breath at that. “Oh. Oh, damn.”

“What is it?”

“I need to see what he's done to try and fix you.” I whispered. “If it's too invasive or caused scar tissue, I don't know if my help will work to restore you or restore what they programmed you to be.”

River stiffened in my arms.

“Shh, it's okay.” I said and hugged her to kiss the top of her head several times. “I promised that I would do everything I could to help you.”

“But... if you can't...”

“That's what the pensieve is for.” I said. “I can make a copy of a memory and view it. I don't have to do that, though.”

“I don't understand.” River said and lifted her head to look at me again.

“I can create something that will let me remove the memory from you entirely.” I said and she sucked in a sharp breath. “It's dangerous, because it leaves a gap and might unlock something, or cause your mind to try and fight to put something into the hole. It could be good or bad.”

“I want it gone. All of it.” River said, her face stern.

“So do I, sweetie.” I said in a soft voice. “I'll do everything I can to make you, you again.”

River's stern face changed to a smile. “Thanks, dad.”

I smiled. “You know, I can change your papers to actually adopt you and file it legally.”

Her smile grew to the point it shouldn't have fit on her face.

“Simon might shoot me for it.” I joked and she shook her head before she ducked and cuddled into me.

“You can do medical procedures on me if I'm your adopted daughter, because you assume complete responsibility for me, both physically and emotionally.” River said. “He can consult; but, he can't legally stop you.”

“My brilliant soon-to-be adoptive daughter.” I whispered to her. “I'll set things up as soon as possible and I'll review your medical files. I'll know what to do and how to proceed after that.”

“Thank you.” River whispered. “Thank you.”

I kissed the top of her head again. “Back to my life story.” I said and flew the ship and held her for hours and hours as I told her everything.

*

I had assumed that a warrant was a warrant and that was all. The Alliance was out for you and that you were essentially screwed, no matter where you went in Alliance space. I couldn't have been more wrong. An active warrant had agents and hunters coming after you for the bounty. You had to be either a very bad person or annoying to the Alliance to get those.

An inactive warrant meant that you were relatively safe no matter where you went, unless you encountered an Alliance patrol or went to a highly regulated planet with stringent protocols for checking papers. They only arrested you then for essentially coming to them and turning yourself in.

It was surprisingly easy to change River Tam's papers to become River Hansen, both physically and electronically. It was also ridiculously easy to have her inactive warrant taken from the registry. It was just a few message exchanges and then a thousand credit deposit into one of the clerk's private accounts while making a donation to the Alliance Patrol Service for three thousand credits in her new name.

It was so easy in fact, that I did it for the Alliance Medical Service and made a donation in Simon Tam's name to remove his inactive warrant. I wasn't surprised that it only took a quick check as I referenced each of the crew's names to find several inactive warrants in both Mal's and Jayne's names.

After a bit of creative electronic paperwork that had them backdated and removed, I made two more nice donations to the Alliance Military Fund and Alliance Veteran's Fund respectively. I wouldn't be telling Mal and Jayne that, though. There was no need for them to relax around the Alliance, since warrants could be issued for pretty much anything. It was best to keep them alert and on their toes.

It was a surprisingly long trip to go to a nearby star system, so I had lots of time to talk to River, spend time with Zoe, go to each crew member and make memories, loaned them the pensieve to watch them, and studied everything I could with Inara's help. She really was a good teacher and when I offered to keep paying her, she laughed in my face and then slapped it.

“I can't take the stress if you pay me like that again!” Inara exclaimed and shot to her feet, glared at me, then she smiled and kissed my cheek. “I'm going to see Mal. Take over his shift, will you?”

I could only nod at her emotional outburst that made no sense, then I followed her to the cockpit where an equally confused Mal was slapped and then kissed passionately before he was dragged off by an inordinately happy Inara.

“I think her personal interactions are cross-wired now.” River said from the second pilot's seat.

I chuckled and sat down in the primary seat. “She's fighting her Companion programming almost as hard as you are fighting your own.”

River smiled and nodded. “What are you going to tell me about today?”

“Have you read the next book?” I asked.

“Yes, and deer do not act like that.” River said. “I'm not sure about rabbits, though.”

I laughed. “Come here and we can talk about it.”

River moved like water as she slid out of the other pilot's seat and slid onto my lap like she had always been there. Thus began another lively discussion of the merits of imbuing human characteristics into animal behaviours.

*

Even with Kaylee and I playing with the engine and trying to geek out more efficiency for when we stripped it and played with it during the overhaul, she was bored. Neither of us expected much, since there was only so much you could do with both the engine and the ship's hull. Changing out the engine wouldn't work, either. Only it would fit in the available space and that was that.

“Okay, that's enough speculation for now.” I said to her and she sighed. “You get dressed up, I'll distract Simon with something stupid, then you meet him in the second shuttle for a nice picnic date.”

Kaylee's eyes lit up. “Really?”

“No one's using it and I can easily change it around to look good.” I said. “Just send me a signal to let me know when to send Simon to you.”

Kaylee gave me a stern look. “Make sure he dresses up, too.”

“I wouldn't send him, otherwise.” I said and she nodded and left.

I quickly went to Simon and informed him that he was having a special spontaneous date with his fiance and that he better dress up like his life depended on it. The man paled a little and scrambled out of the medbay and ran to the passenger quarters where his clothing was packed.

I chuckled and went to the second shuttle and quickly set things up to make it look like a nice lawn with a blanket, a large food basket with Kaylee's and Simon's favorite foods, and then created a large viewscreen and brought up a recording of a meadow and a lake. A few green drapes of cloth to cover the blatant technology, and it was done.

I stepped out just as Kaylee's voice came over the intercom. I ran to Simon's compartment and saw he was only half-dressed. “Damn, you're lucky I'm good at this stuff.” I said and had him straightened out in under a minute. I pulled a black box out of my pocket and handed it to him. “As soon as she eats a strawberry, you take that out and give it to her.”

Simon opened his mouth to speak and I used a finger to push up on his chin.

“No, you don't have to speak. She's been waiting for this long enough. She's going to scream yes before you can ask anyway and then you're going to be tasting strawberries for a good ten minutes. Got it?” I asked and he nodded. “Good. Now run!”

Simon didn't need telling twice and took off at a run.

Fifteen minutes later, Kaylee's scream echoed for nearly ten seconds throughout the whole ship.

*

A few days later, I sat in the medbay looking over River's files when a very happy Simon came in.

“I don't care why you're here.” Simon said and sat down. He didn't do anything but sit there.

“She blew your mind.” I commented and didn't look up from the biometric readings of River's brain.

“How can you tell?”

“You're pretty much catatonic.” I said.

“Yeah.” Simon said and didn't say anything else.

I finished reading over everything an hour later and put the files back. “We need to take River to another biomedical research lab.”

Simon was quiet for another minute before he spoke. “Yes. As advanced as possible.”

“The closest one is on Newhope.” I said. “It's inside the main Alliance base in the capital.”

Simon sighed. “They would arrest us as soon as they saw us.”

I smiled. “No, actually. They won't.”

Simon chuckled. “We're the Tams. Wanted outlaws. We've been hunted by agents and most of the Alliance police at one point. That was before we blew the whole Miranda secret and broadcast it across the Verse.”

I turned in my seat to give him my best reassuring smile. “Well, you will be happy to know that Mr. Universe was credited for that. Entirely. It was his broadcast and equipment. It didn't matter who gave him the information. He was the distributor.”

Simon looked shocked. “No, we... it was us! We were there and...”

“Doesn't matter. Mr. U's electronic stamp is on it. Since he's conveniently dead, there's no one for them to come after.” I said. “I also took care of yours and River's warrants. I paid them off and you don't have to worry about that anymore.”

Simon's mouth dropped open.

“I also adopted her.” I said and he didn't react. “I really need to work on my timing for news like that.” I stood up. “We have a registered appointment with the medical facility the day after we arrive there. I would appreciate you coming along and consulting with myself and the head of the facility.”

Simon sat there and stared at me with no reaction.

“You can get back to me on that.” I said and pat his shoulder on the way by. “Congratulations on the engagement.”

River's soft giggle floated around the room as I left.

*

I brought the ship in for a perfect landing on the designated landing pad. We were fully registered and everything. I shut the ship down and went back into the galley where everyone was waiting. It made Mal and Jayne nervous that we were visiting officially and I made sure to wink at Zoe when they couldn't see me. She just smiled and shook her head at me.

“We're down. Get the mule prepped and loaded up.” Mal said and stood.

“Cap'n, maybe we should wait for a bit before rushing off as soon as we land.” Zoe said. “It makes us look a might guilty and like we're trying to ditch something.”

“We are trying to ditch something.” Jayne said.

“Yes, we are. What Zoe said is that we shouldn't look like we are.” I said and sat beside her. “Maybe send someone out to scout. We need some foodstuffs after that long trip and Kaylee is definitely going to want to look at the fuel.”

Kaylee nodded. “I won't let nothin' touch this baby's guts that's not the best.”

Mal gave her a look, then sighed. “Fine. I suppose we can wait a tick or two.”

“Jayne's the best for finding a good bar fight.” I said. “I mean, bar for drinking.”

That made a few of the crew chuckle, especially Jayne.

I dropped a large handful of credit ships onto the center of the table. “A hundred credits on each, just enough for...”

They were all suddenly gone.

“...some quick local shopping.” I finished with a chuckle. “I'm going hunting for interesting stuff myself. Does anyone want to come with?”

A round of refusals was my answer.

“I feel... so wanted... and loved.” I said and pretended to sob.

Zoe whacked the back of my head.

“Thank you.” I said and stood up. “Make sure you keep the communicators on you.” I said and looked at Zoe. “Make sure.”

Zoe stood up as well to look into my eyes. “I suppose you're going to tell me you'll come running in with guns blazing if I call?”

“The world itself better watch out if you ever call me for help.” I said, my voice a low rumble.

Zoe shivered slightly and then smiled. She leaned forward and gave me a quick kiss. “You might need a gun or two or the world won't care.”

“Where do you think I'm going?” I asked and walked out of the galley.

River seemed to appear out of nowhere and walked beside me down the stairs into the cargo bay. “Am I really getting checked out tomorrow?”

“Right down to your cute little frontal lobes.” I said and hugged her with one arm. “Going in legitimately is going to give us so much more time and access to the medical files.”

“What are you bribing the head technician with?” River asked.

“I was thinking either a bag of real sugar or a bag of real coffee grounds.”

River laughed. “Dad, he'll assault you if you give him a whole bag of either of those things!”

I stopped walking and looked at her. “You're right. I really need to be careful about how I do this.”

“I'll help you divide it up into smaller packets. Enough for one good pot of coffee and the same with the sugar.” River said.

We walked on and stopped at the shipping crates there. River did as she said and helped me divide up the coffee first and it made it smaller and easier to hand out, which was great. A whole bag would have been too much for little bribes. Enough for a pot was perfect.

River dug her hand into the bag of sugar and poured a handful into the smaller pack. After she filled it and closed it, she stuck out her tongue and licked her palm off, then her fingers.

“I knew you wanted to help for a reason!” I said and she giggled. “Use your other hand for the next one and take the rest to the galley.”

River grinned as she quickly filled the next little bag, licked her other hand clean, then carried the half empty bag of sugar up the stairs into the galley.

“IS THAT REAL SUGAR?!?” Someone yelled.

I was pretty sure it was Kaylee. Or Jayne. It was hard to tell sometimes when they yelled like that. “I think that's my cue to leave.” I said and shoved the sugar and coffee packs into my pockets before I ran for it.

*

An hour later, after finding a nice secluded spot, I created a Generic Kryptonian and copied the abilities that I could before dismissing him and he faded away. Thanks to my experiences with Clark Kent, I knew that it would take years of growing up with the abilities before I could do anything significant without hurting myself. My body wasn't Kryptonian, so I had to be careful.

I walked on and bought a long duster coat with lots of pockets before I finally found what I was looking for and went inside. I stood in the middle of a well respected shop that sold guns. Lots of guns. All of them were reputable and expensive. I was really tempted to buy the expensive ones and I didn't.

I knew that the more reliable ones were sturdier and would last longer. I could repair them all the time; but, I didn't necessarily want to. “I want your best gun and not necessarily the most expensive.” I said and walked over to the counter. “I need quality, accuracy, and reliability.”

“Yer not asking fer much, are ya?” The guy asked with a laugh.

“I'm willing to pay a lot for that. I just want something I'm going to use for a long time.”

“Yer still gonna need ammo.” The guy said.

“It doesn't matter to me if it's an odd calibre. I'll buy out whatever you have if I like the gun.”

The guy raised his eyebrows. “What're yer options fer payment?”

“Gold nuggets, Alliance credits, meat...” I said and the guy didn't react. “...coffee and sugar.”

The guy straightened up and gave me a piercing look. “Real coffee and not that synthesized crap?”

“It's so fresh that you could swear they picked it right off of the bush and roasted the pit just for you.”

The guy laughed. “I don' suppose you've got a sample fer testin'.”

I smiled and pulled out the small coffee pack River helped me with. “That's enough for one full pot of eight cups.”

The guy whistled and then bent down to smell it. “Oooo, yeah. That's tha real deal.” He said and stood. “How much time ya got to spare ta hang around?”

“I'm not in a rush right now.” I said and he grinned.

“Ah'll be righ' back!” He said and grabbed the coffee and ran into the back room.

I heard the front door click behind me and I was both glad he was security conscious and a little worried that he might try to keep me here. I didn't move around much and just looked at the guns behind the glass in the bulletproof cases while I waited.

A couple of minutes later, the smell of brewing coffee filled the store and I could have sworn I heard the guy moan and slurp. He came out of the back with a half full cup and a full one.

“Thanks.” I said and took it, then let my ability come back with 'Cup Of Coffee'. It was black with nothing in it, thankfully. No poisons or drugs. I took out a smaller pack of sugar and the guy laughed.

“You really have sugar, too.” He shook his head and drank the rest of his cup as I added some sugar to mine. “I like coffee too much to...”

I took out a little container of milk from inside my coat and added some of it to the cup and stirred it with my finger. I took a sip and smiled. “Now that's good coffee.”

The guy stared at me for a minute, then laughed. “Gimme a second. I'll bring out the damn pot.”

I nodded and he ran into the back and came out with the large pot and poured himself a cup, then I nodded again and he used the milk and sugar. He stirred it with the stick used to clean a gun barrel and took a drink.

“Goramit! That... how the donkey balls...” The guy shook his head. “Lemmie show you my best wares.” He said and hit a button behind the counter and a second door opened up. “Only trusted people get to see this, you get me?”

I nodded. “I reckon I'll be handing over a few packs of coffee to you today.” I said and followed him into the smaller room. “Sugar, too. Maybe the milk I got on me. It won't last long outside a cooler, though.”

“It won' last long 'cause I'll be drinkin' it! Ha!” The guy laughed.

“Fair enough.” I said and he showed me a lot of his best guns. Of course, I held them to test their weight and gained copies of them.

“Some I can't sell legally, mind.” The guy said, as if testing me.

“Not a problem. I'm a fully accredited Alliance Pilot Graduate.”

The guy gave me a look, looked me up and down, then at my face.

“I bribed the instructor when I paid to take the test.” I said and he laughed.

“Ya got me! Good one.” He said. “If you want the Haymaker, you gotta hide it when near the guards.”

“Any chance for a back holster or thigh holster or something?” I asked.

The guy smiled. “Damn, yer just ticklin' me fancy all over. Sure, I got that.”

“I'll take the pearl handled eight shooters, the gun belt, and a case of ammo for both.” I said and finished my second cup of coffee.

“Looks like I'll be closin' up early today.” The guy said and handed me his cup, then he gathered up what I wanted.

“If you've got a lady waiting, you'd be shutting up shop anyway.” I said with a grin and he laughed.

“True enough.” He said and led me back out to the shop and shut the second door. He showed me how to put on the back holster for the shotgun-like weapon and slid it into place for me.

I copied hs gunfighter skill as I reached up and grabbed the gun by the handle, swung it out in a smooth motion and cocked it, then I pointed it at the wall as if I had always done it.

“Damn, boy! Yer a natural!” The guy said and handed over the waist gun belt, the two eight shot hand held revolvers, and two cases of odd-sized ammo for both.

I put on the belt, checked the guns were loaded, and put them into the holsters. I held the ammo boxes for several seconds to gain them, then opened them up and loaded my waist with a few and the strap for the shotgun with that ammo, too.

“Yer not actually going to walk around like that, are you?” The guy asked me.

“Sure. No harm being armed to protect yourself.” I said. “So, do you want all coffee for this or some credits and gold, too?”

The guy gave me a sharp look and then shrugged. “I can get plenty of money from other customers.”

“Coffee it is.” I said and pretended to dig into various pockets as I pulled out eight packs of coffee, just enough to make the man cough with surprise, then added four sugar packs and two small cartons of milk to the half-used one. “Is that enough?”

“Yer flipping crazy carrying all that shite around!” The guy shouted.

“I'm not carrying it now, am I?” I said with a laugh and went to the door. “Have a good day.”

“Bloody crazy nut.” The guy said. “What the hell am I going to do with... oh, she's gonna screw my brains out if she sees all this! I gotta hide some of it!”

I shut the door before I cast Illusion on the back holster to hide it and the illegal gun, then I started to walk away. My communicator crackled to life with static and I ran down an alley, out of sight, and answered it.

“Zoe!” I exclaimed and heard a gunshot.

“John! We're under fire!” Zoe responded as two more shots sounded near her.

“I'll be right there!” I said and created a magic broom called a Thunderbolt, then I disillusioned myself as I mounted it. I hit the button on the communicator to lock onto the other signal and I took off through the air at 500 miles an hour as a little hologram map appeared above the communicator to tell me where to go.

“I didn't tell you that yet!” Zoe shouted and more shots rang out.

“I'm following the comm. Are you inside or outside?” I said as I slowed down near where the signal was coming from.

“Inside a warehouse on the left side from the front door. We're pinned down and...”

“Duck and cover, my love. I'm coming in.” I ended the call as I flew over to right above the middle of the place and created a wand to point straight down. “Bombarda.”

My magic was boosted and the blast hit the reinforced roof. Most of the roof exploded downwards and several manly screams came from inside. I cast Hominibus Revelare to reveal where the people were inside, then I dismissed the broom and the illusion spells as I dropped down to land in a crouch in the middle of the debris.

“Who dares to shoot at my friends?” I said as I stood and hid the wand, drew the shotgun from my back and cocked it, then I aimed and started shooting at the enemy in a single smooth motion.

*BOOM!* *BOOM!* *BOOM!* *BOOM!* *BOOM!*

There was a reason the shotgun-like weapon was called a Haymaker. Whatever it hit, it made it into a hay-like substance. Wood, metal, and people. It didn't matter. It became hay. I shot five times and five revealed humans were now so much hay. And blood. It was quite a mess.

A smattering of curses came from off to the left behind me. I recognized Mal's and Jayne's voices. I couldn't hear Zoe, so I put the shotgun into my back holster and ran over to where they were pinned down.

“Zoe! ZOE! Are you all right?” I asked and took her into my arms. I cast several detect spells on her and she wasn't hurt. I let her go and looked into her eyes. “I'm glad you're okay. I came as soon as I could.”

The look of utter desire on Zoe's face was priceless. She didn't hesitate as she grabbed onto my neck and smashed her lips against mine, then she tried to tear my coat off without taking the gun straps off first.

“There's a proper time for that.” Mal said.

Zoe froze, then she broke the kiss and death grip she had me in, and stepped back. “Sorry, Cap'n.”

Mal chuckled. “I know what you're thinkin', and that's fine. Let's just grab our stuff and you can git to that soonest.”

Zoe nodded and ran over to the half-wrecked mule. “Jayne, you didn't have to shoot the Mule.”

“It was just holes that's easily patched up and it kept the double crossers at bay. Corpse is the one that damn near crushed it with the roof.” Jayne said. “That was a great entrance, by the way.”

“Thanks.” I said and helped clear off some of the debris.

“It's almost trashed.” Zoe said.

“Get in and check the systems. It might still get us outta here.” Mal said. “Jayne, grab the payment and check for anyone alive over there.”

Jayne chuckled and made his way over to the other side of the circle of debris. “No chance o'that.”

“Check anyways.” Mal said and looked at me. “You got a mighty bit of splainin' to do.”

“I blasted in and blew away the other guys.” I said. “By the way, I also have new guns. Two of 'em are even legal.”

Zoe chuckled and sat down at the controls. She kicked the pressure pad for power and flicked several switches. “It's dead.”

“I'll check it.” I said and went towards the back of the half hovercar, half transport called Mule. I opened a side hatch and grabbed a crowbar, the mechanic's best opening tool, and went to the back to pry open the hatch to look inside. “It's not too bad. Give me a couple minutes.”

“I don't know if we have a couple of minutes.” Mal said as Jayne carried over the case of something.

“Are we taking the contraband, too?” Jayne asked.

Mal looked at me and back at the crates. “Ah, screw it. Why not? Free money is free money.”

I chuckled and stuck my hand inside the guts of the Mule and touched the engine. I cast repair on it and not the entire thing, because that would have been way too obvious. I did gain a 'Mule – Damaged' image in my head, so I followed its ailments and fix them in about thirty seconds.

I pretended to take longer as Mal and Jayne made short work of taking what they could from the warehouse and not just what they brought. “Okay, I think I got it.” I said as they carried over one more crate. “Reset the controls and give it a shot.”

Zoe did just that and the Mule powered up and lifted slightly. “Yes!”

“I'll grab the door.” I said and cast illusion over the cargo in the back to make it look like empty pallets of wood, then I ran over to the warehouse door. Part of the mechanism was damaged and I pulled out one of my pearl handled eight shooters. I shot the counterweight holding the door with two shots and I thought I heard Zoe moan.

“Grab me on the way by.” I said and holstered the pistol and pulled out the haymaker again. I reloaded it in a second and pulled the trigger four times as I shot the tracks the door was on. I stepped back and kicked out as hard as I could while I cast Strength on myself, and the entire door rattled and fell out of the track, dropped to the ground and fell over.

The Mule slid to a crawl beside me and I grabbed onto the mounting handle and pulled myself up without making Zoe stop. I used the momentum to swing up and plopped down onto the front seat beside her and she stepped on the power pad to get us away from there as quickly as possible.

Zoe slowed down when we were out of the warehouse area and then she seemed to shiver. Her hands gripped the controls tightly and I could hear her grinding her teeth, probably in frustration. No one usually tells Zoe no when she was in one of her moods, so she was tense and ready to react violently if anyone said anything.

No one spoke a word during the drive back to the ship.

As soon as the mule was up the ramp, Zoe cut the power, skidded the thing ten feet, then she grabbed me by the scruff of the neck and jumped out. I pretty much fell out behind her, since she moved so fast, then she literally dragged me through the ship without letting me get to my feet. Even though I wanted to go with her, she wasn't letting me help at all.

My bunk hatch was opened, I was tossed down inside, then she jumped down on top of me and tore everything off of me before she had her way with me right there. We didn't even make it to the bed. It wasn't until I heard the soft giggle that I realized Zoe hadn't closed the hatch behind her. I flicked my hand at it with a silent Colloportus spell and it slammed closed and locked.

*

“We really have an actual appointment.” Simon whispered as we walked with River across the immaculately kept square in front of the medical building in the Alliance base.

“That's why I said we had to dress in our Alliance best.” I said in a snooty voice. I had heard a lot of purebloods speak like that and the Alliance higher ups spoke the same way.

The automatic doors opened for us and we entered the main lobby.

“I will have the best medical facilities to check my daughter and I don't care how much it costs.” I said, fairly loudly, and saw several approving faces on the people in the lobby and at the reception desk.

“Welcome to Alliance Medical Facility 32. How can we assist you today?” The receptionist asked.

“I have an appointment and a reserved medical lab. The name is John Hansen. I believe Head Researcher Gibbons is expecting me.”

The woman looked slightly surprised, then she nodded and quickly checked her records. “You're right. He is expecting you. Floor fifteen, door number one at the end.”

“Is that his office or the lab I reserved?” I asked. “I do not like wasting time.”

The woman's fake smile wilted slightly. “The lab.”

“Good.” I looked at the lift. “Will we be escorted or do we proceed alone?”

The woman jerked slightly at that. “Just... just a moment.” She said and picked up a phone. She whispered quickly and hung up. “A guide will be here momentarily.”

I nodded and put my hands behind myself, in a clearly military relaxed pose, as I did my best to project the importance that kind of position held.

A harried young man came out of a door, slid to a stop, and fixed his coat. “Th-this way, please.”

I nodded to him and looked at Simon and River. “Come along, children.”

“Yes, father.” River said.

We walked behind the young man and entered the elevator. It took us up to the fifth floor and stopped. The young man hit the button to continue before the doors opened. He sighed when the elevator started up again. I glanced at River and she looked amused. I put a finger to my mouth in a silence gesture and she nodded. We stopped at the fifteenth floor and were led down the hall to the Number One lab.

“Here we are, sir. Good luck.” The young man said.

I pulled out a credit chip with a hundred credits on it. I nodded to him and he accepted it, then he ran. I waited for the elevator doors to close before I barked a laugh and then composed myself.

We entered the lab and it really was one of the best available. It had a lot of very expensive equipment and I made sure to talk to the head researcher about River's medical history as I touched everything and gained images for it all in my head. When we reached the part in the conversation where we needed to actually examine River, she looked scared.

I stopped talking and stepped close to her and hugged her. “It's all right, my beautiful daughter. Your brother, the head researcher, and I are going to do our best to help you. I promised I would and I will succeed.” I eased my hold on her and looked into her eyes. “River, do you believe me?”

River looked into my eyes and nodded. “You've never lied to me, even when you should have.”

That comment brought a smile to my face. “I knew you were too smart to lie to. All I would accomplish is making you disappointed. I never want to do that.”

River nodded and I led her into the large white scanner.

I helped her lay down and then I bent over to kiss her forehead. “I can let you sleep through this.”

River nodded again and I kissed her forehead again and cast a silent stunner on her.

The next three hours were the most intensive and mind boggling time I had ever experienced. The intricacies and the subtleties of the brain were vast and varied. It was just too bad that the number of options available were almost none.

“I am sorry about this, Mr. Hansen.” Head Researcher Gibbons said. “You really only have two options, one of which is impossible. You can let her live the rest of her life as a schizophrenic psychopath that can snap at any provocation, or destroy her amygdala and replace it with a new one.”

Simon dropped into a chair and put his hands into his hands.

“Since surgery is much too dangerous with all the damage already done to her brain, you are just going to have to accept her as she is and live in constant fear.” Head Researcher Gibbons said.

I sighed. “So, you're saying it's so damaged that destroying and replacing it is the best option? Not repairing it?”

“Yes, Mr. Hansen.”

“Will it change who she is if that was possible? Isn't the gland integrated into the brain's neural pathways and...”

“You would essentially be cutting off all current connections and then reconnecting them. If you had an identical gland as a replacement. If you could do surgery. If you could perform miracles.” Head Researcher Gibbons said.

“So, she keeps all of her memories, both good and bad, and just has to make those associations again.”

The head researcher nodded.

“That is good to know.” I said and walked over to him to shake his hand. “Thank you for your time and for your patience. This has not been a good time for any of us.”

The man smiled sadly.

“I will approve the credit transfer when I reach the lobby, with a suitable bonus for your troubles.” I said and took out two packets of coffee. “Please accept these as personal thank you.”

The man's eyes widened at the packs of real coffee. “Thank you, Mr. Hansen. I will leave you here for a short time to gather yourself.”

I nodded to him and he left.

“So, now we know.” Simon said, his voice defeated. “They ruined her and we can't help her.”

I walked over to him and put a hand on his shoulder. “You're wrong.”

When Simon looked up at my face, he saw my smile. “Why are you happy?”

“Didn't you hear him? The amygdala only allows associated connections. She won't lose her memory.”

“It's integrated into her brain!” Simon said and shook my hand off as he stood. “We can't operate!”

“No, we can't.” I said and put my hands on his shoulders. “I'm not going to and I won't ask her to suffer through another surgery. This appointment was hard enough on her.”

Simon took a deep breath and let it out. “You're right. We need to go. We've wasted most of the day here.”

“It wasn't a waste.” I said and we went over to the scanning apparatus to open it up. “We know the truth and we know what's possible and what's not.”

“A fat load of good that does us.” Simon said and shook River's shoulder. “River? Wake up. We can leave now.”

I cast Ennervate on her and she woke up. “You did great today, sweetie. It's time to go.”

River sat up and looked at me. “What did the tests say?”

Simon opened his mouth to tell her and I held a hand up to stop him.

“I know exactly what's wrong and what needs to be done to fix it.” I said and her face changed from the blank expression she had to a happy one.

“Thank you, dad!” River said and hugged me.

“John, you can't just...” Simon started to say.

“I've never lied to her and I won't start now.” I said and led River and Simon out of the room. We rode the elevator down to the ground floor and stopped at the main receptionist desk. I didn't miss the two Alliance patrolmen coming to attention to stop us if we ran without paying.

“It's nice to see you again.” The woman at the desk said.

I nodded. “I would like to approve the credit transfer for the excellent service provided.”

“Of course.” She said and picked up a small data terminal and typed a few things out on it before she handed it to me.

“Is this a secure connection?” I asked as the image popped into my head for a 'Hacked Terminal' and I knew that it wasn't. It also had several hacking and data gathering programs to steal personal information and also account information.

The receptionist caught her breath.

“I won't enter my information on an open network.” I said and didn't pass it back.

“I... I'm... just a moment, sir.” The woman said and stood up, then she walked away to enter an office.

I waved at the two Alliance patrolmen and they came right over. “That woman gave me a compromised electronic device to gain my credit information.”

“Yes, sir.” One of them said and ran around the desk and entered the office.

The sounds of a scuffle could be heard.

“Go.” I ordered the man and he nodded and ran in after his partner. There was a gunshot, then nothing.

The two men came out a minute later with the woman in handcuffs, her coat torn, and one patrolman had a small pistol in his hands. It was not an Alliance approved weapon.

“Sir, someone will be down to take care of your transfer soon.” One of the patrolmen said.

I nodded to him and handed over the device. “You'll find a lot of interesting things on that.”

The other man nodded and took it. “Thank you.”

We watched them leave and then we stood there for nearly twenty minutes before a well dressed man came out of the elevator carrying another data terminal.

“I'm terribly sorry for the wait.” He said and rushed over to take his place behind the desk. He quickly did up the fees and costs for the lengthy medical check and scans. His eyes widened slightly at the total and then he transferred it onto the data terminal. He added in the specific security protocols it needed and then handed it to me.

I held onto it and gained a 'Secured Terminal' that was highly unhackable. I smiled and entered the information, then added a credit bonus as I promised. I handed it back to the man and he gasped.

“Th-thank you, sir. You are quite generous.”

“I love my daughter and I learned everything I needed to about her condition today.” I said. “Good day to you.”

“Good day, sir.”

We walked out of the facility and kept walking. We didn't slow down or speed up, because that would have given us away. No, we walked like we belonged there and we didn't stop until we reached the ship. Once there, Simon hit the ramp button and waited for it to clang shut before he turned to me with anger on his face.

“You are going to tell her the truth! Right now!” Simon shouted.

“You are under the assumption that I've lied to her.” I said.

“The doctor said it was impossible!” Simon spat.

“Actually, he said there were two options, one of which he believed was impossible.” I said.

“IT'S THE SAME THING!” Simon yelled.

I cast a calming spell on him and he seemed to deflate. “You see, River and I have been talking a lot...”

“That doesn't matter. Nothing can be done.” Simon said, sadly.

“That's where you're wrong.” I said and looked at River. “The doctor said that your damaged amygdala has to be destroyed completely and an exact copy has to replace it.”

River sucked in a huge breath and I knew what was coming. “DO IT! DO IT NOW!”

“River!” Simon exclaimed. “He can't! The doctor said surgery is too risky and...”

“Simon, shut up!” River spat, which stunned the poor man, then she looked back at me. “Daddy doesn't need to cut me open. He's so powerful that he can do it without even touching me.”

“It took me several weeks to heal myself, River.” I said.

“I know. I can wait that long to be whole again.” River said. “We have all those memories to put back if anything goes wrong, too.”

I smiled and nodded. “Simon, I'm commandeering the medbay for at least three weeks.”

“You can't do this!” Simon exclaimed.

“Don't worry, Simon.” River said and touched his face. “I'll be me again. The real me. The me inside. The me you've always thought I was and have been fighting to get back.”

“Only a whole heck of a lot better.” I said and led her up the stairs, despite Simon's protests.

“What do you mean?” River asked me.

“You don't think I'm going to let you forget all the cool things you can do, do you?” I asked.

“I... I... I love you, daddy.” River said. “I love you.”

“I love you too, sweetie.” I said and kissed the top of her head. I took her into the medbay and set things up for feeding her, cleaning her, and taking care of her for the time she would be there. “When you wake up, don't try to think too hard, okay? Just relax and let your mind settle.”

“Okay.” River said and climbed onto the bed. “You're going to stay with me the whole time, aren't you?”

“Yes, unless Zoe gets into another firefight and I have to rescue her again.” I said and she giggled. “I hope you didn't tell anyone else you saw the way she thanked me after that.”

River shook her head.

“Good. That's something you should only share with someone you care deeply for. Usually someone you're going to spend the rest of your life with and have children with.” I said and then smiled. “In case you were wondering, that was how children are made. Although, usually with a little less physical assaulting first.” I chuckled. “Usually.”

River giggled and then let out her breath. “Okay, dad. I'm ready.”

“I love you very much.” I said and touched her forehead. “Sleep and be yourself.”

River closed her eyes and I stunned her to knock her out, then I concentrated on her very damaged amygdala. It had caused her so much trouble during the last bunch of years of her life and all she wanted was to be normal.

So, I vanished it.

I immediately cast regeneration, regrowth, prismatic regeneration, healing spells to boost her immune system, and everything else I could to get her to grow the thing back as quickly as possible. It really was going to take a few weeks to do it, which we both fully expected. The best part was that it wouldn't interfere with her memories. She would still be the River we all knew, only she was going to be whole.

I even gave her permanent copies of the burgeoning physical abilities that I copied from the Generic Kryptonian. Every little bit was going to help and I made sure that she had every enhancing spell I knew as well. When she was well again, she was going to be... super.

*

The next three weeks passed by as if time itself wanted it to be over with. Simon had been in to visit every day to check on River. I hadn't stopped him at all and let him run as many non-invasive scans as he wanted. As soon as he tried to pull out a deeper scanning device, I took it from him and kicked him out. I wasn't going to have anything ruin what was happening to River as she recovered.

I even had a small hatch opened and used mirrors to reflect sunlight onto us as I sat there and she was asleep in the bed. No one questioned why I was doing that and I didn't explain. Everyone understood why someone wanted sunlight while on a planet. It let you feel like you were really there and it wasn't just a vid like they played on space stations.

River slowly opened her eyes and blinked them to try and focus.

“Easy, sweetie.” I whispered. “Don't try to think too hard. Just lay there and let it all come to you.”

“D-d-daddy?” River whispered. “Why does my head hurt?”

“You had an accident and I fixed it for you.” I whispered back. “You just need to close your eyes again and rest. It will all come back to you in time, my beautiful daughter.”

“Okay.” River whispered and closed her eyes and fell asleep.

I sat there for three more days and then I sent for Simon. He showed up just in time.

“Daddy?” River asked as she opened her eyes.

“I'm here, sweetie.” I said and leaned into her view. “I stayed right here by your side while you got better.”

“You... you promised...”

“Yes, and I did it.” I said and nodded to the side. “Your brother came to see you.”

River turned her head to look at him. “Hi, Simon.”

“River.” Simon whispered, as if he was afraid to speak in a normal tone.

“Daddy said he would fix me.” River said. “Did it work?”

Simon gave me a pointed look.

“If you think you can handle it, I put a full biomedical scanner in the storage area.” I said and his eyes widened. “Yes, really.”

“I'll be right back!” Simon exclaimed and ran off.

River giggled. “He really loves his med stuff.”

“Almost as much as he loves Kaylee... and he loves her as much as he loves you.” I said.

“What about you?” River asked.

“Well, River Hansen, you tell me.” I said. “How much do I love you?”

River looked at my face and then she smiled as she lifted her hands and held them almost two feet apart. “You love me this much.”

I chuckled. “I have to ask what that distance means, just because I should, even if I know what it is.”

River smiled. “That's how wide my bookshelf is.”

I stood up and leaned down to kiss her forehead. “Remind me to give you another one.”

“What? A book?” River asked, interested.

“No, my intelligent and beautiful daughter. Another bookshelf.” I said and she caught her breath. “Yes, I love you that much more than what you thought.”

River had tears come to her eyes. “D-daddy... I... I...”

“Shh, sweetie.” I said and gave her another forehead kiss. “You are worth more to me than all the books in the Verse.”

“But... daddy...”

“Yes, I'm trying my best to prove that.” I said and sat down. “Now humor your brother and let him fuss over you like he desperately needs to.”

River giggled. “You can't say things like that and...”

I winked at her and looked at the door to the medbay as Simon rolled a huge machine through the open door.

“This will only take ten minutes, I swear!” Simon exclaimed and started setting the thing up.

River and I exchanged amused looks, then we laughed as Simon literally fussed over River for the next twenty minutes instead of the promised ten. Simon was so shocked by the results when he was done, that he dropped into a chair and sat there with a blank expression on his face for nearly half an hour. I didn't sit quietly to wait, though.

“He'll recover soon.” I said to River. “What do you remember about what happened?”

“I.. well, I... I don't think...” River stammered.

“Close your eyes and recite 'Omega Code 1138' in your head.” I said.

River did exactly that and gasped, then her body shook slightly as her mind started to restructure into what we had spent weeks putting together. It wasn't perfect, because of the mess it had been in before; but, it gave her mind some defenses against reading everyone around her.

When it was done fifteen minutes later, River opened her eyes and stared at me.

“Dad.” River said and sat up. “I love you so much that it hurts.”

I pat her hand and then my own heart. “I feel the same way.”

“You chose Zoe to be yours.” River said.

“I did and I'm also hers.” I said. “You've witnessed her... possessiveness... once she made her choice.”

River nodded. “I hope to find someone as good as you to keep for myself.”

I chuckled. “You're not allowed to date until you're thirty.”

River gave me a stern look. “Dad, don't lie.”

“Ha.” I said and leaned over to kiss her cheek. “I'm sorry if I'm jealous of your non-existent boyfriends. No one is good enough for any of my daughters, especially you.”

River smiled and turned to kiss my cheek back. “Do you think Simon will like anyone I bring home?”

“Absolutely not!” Both I and Simon said at the same time, then we looked at each other and laughed. Apparently, her question had woken him from his stunned state.

“I need a bath.” River said.

“I'll do that up right now!” Simon said and tried to leave, only to bounce off of the medical bioscanner machine that he had brought in. “Goramit, who left this here in the way?”

I laughed as he struggled to move the big thing out of the doorway, then he ran off to prepare a bath. “How long do you think he will take before he remembers there's a bath in the unoccupied passenger berth just down the hall?”

“He won't remember.” River said and giggled. “He's going to take me all the way over to his personal berth at the back of the cargo bay.”

“Of course he is.” I said and took her hand. “We'll start going over the memories in the pensieve later on tonight.”

River shook her head. “You're going to be busy.”

“Why do you say...” I stopped talking when the medbay door opened and Zoe stood there.

“Bath. Now.” Zoe ordered. Her tone brooked no argument at all.

“Yes, ma'am.” I said and saluted with the Browncoat salute, which made her growl. I winked at River and then followed Zoe out of the medbay.

Neither River nor I escaped our 'captors' until the next day around noon, and that was only because I had offered to cook River's welcome back meal for supper. I went all out and didn't even bother to cover up that I was producing foodstuffs that shouldn't exist on a spaceship. No one questioned me about it, because they were ecstatic that River was recovered enough to be up and about after several weeks of recovering.

River and I got together that night and started her mental recovery therapy. Thanks to the prep work we had done beforehand, it was a lot easier for her to organize her mind. Her being incredibly intelligent and studious before the experiments had only enhanced her mind's adaptability, which was why the scientists had tried to make her into the perfect assassin.

I was very grateful that her mind had been so strong that she was actually fighting the programming as they had been doing it and she hadn't lost herself to the reprogramming entirely.

“You are a wonder, sweetie.” I whispered to her and kissed her forehead.

“Dad, you're distracting me.” River said with a smile on her face and didn't open her eyes.

“I'm sorry.” I said and waited a second, then gave her another forehead kiss. “That's the last one for today, I swear.”

“You really need to stop lying, Dad. You're terrible at it.” River said as her smile grew.

I laughed and gave her a kiss on the cheek, hugged her tightly, and continued to help her sort through her memories. It was going to be a huge undertaking and we weren't daunted by it in the least.

*

Kaylee and I spent the next two weeks pulling the engine apart. It was a time consuming process and there were so many little parts, and valves, and tubes, and wires, that we moved everything out into the cargo bay on top of light blue blankets and filled half of the floor space with them. It was a good thing the Mule was suspended from the ceiling, or we wouldn't have had the room to do it this way.

Mal entered the cargo bay and looked at the parts strewn about everywhere. “I don't want to know.”

Kaylee giggled like she was a little girl being bad and Mal's mouth twitched into a half-smile.

“So gorram close!” I said and Kaylee laughed.

“No.” Mal said and hit the ramp release and left the ship.

“One of these days.” I promised.

River's giggle floated through the cargo bay.

“I'll figure out where you are one of these days, too!” I said and shook my fist in the air.

River's giggle sounded again and then faded away.

“She hasn't changed much.” Kaylee said.

“No, and I am very thankful for that.” I said and looked down at one of the engine parts that looked like a ball bearing. “That thing is slightly chipped and is starting to crack.”

Kaylee plucked it up from the cloth covered floor and tucked it into a pocket and handed me another.

I held it and nodded as I put it down. “Only three thousand and ten more parts to go.”

Kaylee smiled at me. “I'm rightly grateful that you're helping me do this.”

“I'm sorry it took me this long to get to this.”

“Oh, no. Don't be thinking that! I love that girl like she's my sister. I'd have waited months to do this if it took that long for her to get better.”

I smiled and nodded. “Let's make this engine better, too.”

Kaylee beamed a smile at me. “Let's!”

So, we did.

When we had it all back together and in place, we had Mal start it up. There was barely a sound as it kicked in and powered up.

“Oooohhhh, can ya hear that?” Kaylee asked, her face almost sensual. She was rubbing her thighs together, too.

I smiled, because I knew what she meant. “No.”

“That's right! Ya can't hear any of them damn burrs on the spinner or the grinding of the slightly off moving parts! She's just purring! She's PURRING!” Kaylee yelled happily and I pointedly didn't look at the small wet spot on her cover-alls.

I hit the communicator I wore. “Simon! Kaylee's coming!”

“I'm already in my bunk!” Simon responded, because he knew she was going to be really exited because of this.

“I NEED YOU BAD!” Kaylee yelled and ran out of the engine room.

I hit the communicator again. “Cap'n, shut her down. We're all in the green down here, especially Kaylee.”

“I heard.” Mal chuckled. “I'll let the rest of the crew know to get their business done and we'll be finally lifting off from this rock.”

“Are you sick of the legitimate life already, Cap'n?” I joked.

“Goramit, I really am! I need some good ol' fighting action or I'm gonna go nuts.” Mal said. “You're making steaks again tonight, ain't ya?”

I chuckled. “They're already stewing in the cooker.”

“Sweet. I'll meet you there.” Mal said and clicked off.

No one saw Kaylee or Simon for two days.

I wasn't sure if that was a thing for sexual relations in this place or not. It just seemed to take two days before anyone saw their happy and satisfied faces again. It happened with Zoe and myself twice, Inara and Mal twice, and now Simon and Kaylee twice.

Maybe it is a thing. I thought with a smile.

“What are you thinking about?” Zoe asked as she laid on her side, completely naked, and stared at me.

“That whenever someone finally gives up fighting their feelings, they disappear with their choice for two days to have as much sex as possible before returning to their lives.”

Zoe looked surprised for a moment, then she looked thoughtful. “Gorram, you're right.”

“I just noticed because of Kaylee's latest reaction.” I said and she smiled. “So, do you want to break the cycle?”

Zoe looked a little pained. “John, you don't mean...”

“Let's try and stay in bed for three days.” I said with a grin and my member sprung up for her.

Zoe's pained look changed to one of desire. “You bastard. You said it that way on purpose.”

“Yes, and I'm going to remember the face you made for a very long time.” I whispered to her and pulled her in for a kiss.

“J-John... I...” Zoe started to whisper.

“You don't have to say it.” I whispered back and she looked surprised again. “Actions speak louder than words.” I said and moved down to between her legs. “I'm going to show you how much I appreciate that you chose me.”

Zoe moaned as I did just that.

We managed to go for three and a half days before Zoe said she was perfectly fine with the new record.

*

Life became normal on the ship after we left Newhope. I relaxed and started showing off a few more things that I could do. I gave them abilities that I was sure would help them. Regeneration, durability, enhanced strength, and a few other background things. Most didn't even notice, because the process to gain those abilities happened over a long time.

We flew cargo to different places, did jobs for a few rich people that had family members kidnapped, raided rogue Alliance bases, ruined several criminal organizations by blatantly exposing them to the Alliance, and we had a great time doing it all.

Kaylee had a little girl nearly exactly nine months after we rebuilt the engine. Simon was both very pleased and horrified that he was a father. It took River and I several days to convince him that if he could throw away his career and hire mercenaries to bring him on a suicide mission to rescue his sister, raising a child was going to be the easiest thing in the world.

Of course, we couldn't stay in space while that was going on, so we went back to Haven, a terraformed moon around the planet Deadwood near Reaver occupied space. It was Shepherd Book's last resting place and it had taken a lot of convincing everyone that it was the best place. The safest place. I may have played on their feelings a little and said that both Wash and Book would want to be there when the first kid of the crew's was born.

After Zoe beat the hell out of me for bringing that up, she kissed me hard for suggesting it and then fully supported it. I also told them I would be modifying a few of the lands there for our use. No one really asked me what I was going to do or how I was going to do it. They all pretty much just accepted that I was going to do something weird and just went with it.

River was the only one that asked me for a nice pond to swim in, so I promised her a whole castle to go with it. I regretted saying it almost immediately, because it took her a week to calm down enough to stop attacking me all the time and yelling at me to hurry up and fly faster.

“I want my magic castle right gorram now!” River spat at me.

I raised my hands in surrender and promised her that we were going as fast as the ship allowed without blowing up. She laughed and kissed my cheek and skipped away. When she left, I realized that I couldn't remember telling her that it was a magic castle. I shrugged and pushed that thought aside as I sorted through the various land images I had in my head.

I brought to the forefront the important ones. Plains. A large house. A barn. Farming vehicles. Then specifically the specialty lands I had gathered from two different worlds. When I was done re-terraforming the area around the main settlement, it would be the oddest looking place that ever existed.

I made sure to land away from the main area and told the crew to visit the graves, after I promised to come back and give my respects later. Now was their time and I wasn't going to intrude on them saying hello again.

While they were busy with that, I disillusioned myself and used a broom to fly over to the main settlement. It was a mess. The buildings were wrecked and burned out and the Alliance assault craft was still there, too. I fully expected it to be stripped to the bulkheads and it was relatively intact.

I wasn't one to ignore a very good opportunity, so I went to it and touched it. I gained 'Alliance Assault Craft - Heavily Damaged' and debated repairing it right away. I didn't have the time at the moment, so I vanished it instead. I moved along and used my wand to either repair something, the buildings, or to vanish the signs of conflict. With my magic boosted, it didn't take long at all to make it look normal and I gained a land called 'Settlement - Basic'.

With the main task done, I flew out of the settlement to what looked like a water-production and sewer plant. I cast Reparo on it and it reformed to be what it was supposed to be. I touched it and gained 'Water Recycling and Sewage Plant'. It was also running, so I walked over to where there was some kind of water source. It was a very smelly man-made pond and looked green.

I cast several cleaning charms on it and it was almost crystal clear. I thought about my promise to River and this wasn't going to be it. I hopped on my broom again and flew half a mile away from the settlement and landed. I concentrated on the land I wanted to recreate and put my hands down on the clear and barren lands.

I felt my powers swirl around me and my magic poured out of me and into the ground. The changes started almost immediately near my hands as the rocky ground slowly morphed into a plain. The fields I always loved came out of me as if they had wanted to be released. My power went out and out as I watched and I wasn't surprised that it stopped at the very border of where the real field had been back at the Kent Farm.

I chuckled at the sight and the growing grains that I hadn't even planted yet, then I turned and created the Kent House where it was supposed to be. I added the barn, put in the farm vehicles needed, and then I hopped on my broom to add more fields. More and more fields. I didn't stop until over an hour later and flew back to the house.

I wasn't surprised to see everyone there and they were staring at the fields and the house that were not supposed to be there. I flew around into the barn and made myself visible again before I walked out and pretended to be surprised to see them.

“Hey, everyone! I figured it was about time to give Kaylee and Simon a wedding gift. Somewhere for them to raise their youngins.”

“EEEE!” Kaylee screamed and handed the baby to Simon, then she ran at me and tackled me in a tight hug. “Thankyouthankyouthankyou!”

“It's the least I could do.” I said. “I'll need a bit more time to update it with more modern cooking things, though.”

“Don't you worry about that none! You can do all the cooking!” Kaylee exclaimed and a few people laughed.

“I don't rightly know how you did this.” Mal said.

“I would have told you about it a long time ago, except I didn't want you thinking I was crazy.”

That definitely made them all laugh. “We all know you're crazy.” They said as one.

“You practised that, didn't you?” I accused and they nodded.

“Okay. I guess there's no need to hide it anymore.” I said and walked over to the barren and rocky field on the other side of the house. “Who wants fresh tree fruit?”

They all watched with interest as I knelt and placed my hands on the dirt. A moment later, they all had shocked faces as lush green grass flowed out from my hands and at five foot intervals, a tree started to grow. After a few minutes, the entire field was a orchard filled with all kinds of fruit trees.

“I'm looking at it and I still don't gorram believe it.” Jayne said.

“I'm not done.” I said and walked over to the next field across the little dirt road that was there. “Hey, Simon! You always wanted your own advanced medical facility, didn't you?”

“YES! NO! You can't... you... you can't...” Simon's voice drifted off as I made a five story Alliance Medical Building grow out of the ground.

“Happy Birthday.” I said.

“MY CASTLE!” River yelled and pointed at the next barren field. “I WANT MY MAGIC CASTLE!”

“That's going to look horrible next to...”

“DO IT NOW!” River yelled.

“You better do it, Corpse.” Zoe said in an odd voice. “She won't let you do anything else now.”

I sighed and touched the ground on the next field. “The Black Lake is supposed to go on this side.” I said and created Hogwarts Castle. The ground rumbled as the cliffs grew out from the ground and then formed into the proper shape to hold the castle, then that formed on the top. I had been right and it looked ridiculous right next to the road and not set back and away like it was supposed to be.

“Thank you, Daddy.” River whispered and kissed my cheek, then she ran over to the gates and they opened for her. She ran up to the large oak front doors and they opened for her as well.

“She'll come back when she gets hungry.” Mal said.

“Maybe.” Simon said and pat my arm. “I'm with Jayne on this. I can't believe you can do this and I just saw you do it.”

“You're the first people I've ever shown this to.” I said and that seemed to make them happy. “In fact, It's the first time I've ever had to use my powers like this to convert useless lands into viable ones.”

“T'wern't useless.” Mal said in a low voice. “Good people fought for this land.”

“I know, Mal.” I said, using his name for the shock value. “I meant unusable for farming. I only gain colorless lands on worlds like this.” I said and he still looked a little angry. “That's why I want to change it.”

His face changed to blank again. “What do you mean?”

“You're right. Good people fought for, and died for, this land. I want to make it into something they would be proud of. Something that other people will look at and say, Shepherd died defending people's rights to live on their own.” I turned to look at everyone. “I'm going to change these lands into something that people can fall in love with like I loved my own lands back home.”

Zoe walked over to me and took my hand. “John.”

“I'm going to change this moon, and this world, one field at a time.” I said and lightly kissed her. “For now, I think it's time I go see that husband of yours and pay my respects.”

“I was just thinking the same thing.” Zoe said and smiled before she led me over to the Mule.

*

Six month later, the air raid alarm went off on the security grid. I hopped out of bed like I was on fire and cut the alarm, checked the readings, and laughed.

“What is it?” Zoe asked as she stepped beside me.

“Reavers.” I said and waved my wand over myself to switch my clothes with the air around me, since I was completely naked. “Do you want to man the guns?”

Zoe smiled. “I thought you'd never ask.”

I switched her clothing for her and we ran down the stairs and out of the small security station and to the Firefly ship parked beside it. It wasn't the Serenity, because that one was unarmed. This one was heavily armed and fully capable of destroying another ship. It was also prepped for flight and I hopped into the single pilot's seat and she hopped into the gunner's seat where the second pilot seat used to be.

We lifted off and followed the signal to where the Reaver ship had found the decoy reactor I had set up. It was like a beacon for them, as if they could smell overwhelming power and knew there were people there to attack. They were doing a strafing run with harpoons and made three solid hits before they pulled up and tried to crack the reactor casing.

“Line me up, Corpse.” Zoe said and took aim.

“On target in three... two... one.” I said and dove right for the top of the Reaver ship.

Zoe pulled the trigger and reams of energetic light crossed the distance to the ship instantly and tore into the hull. She started to laugh as the Reavers cut the harpoons loose and then turned to try and get away.

“Not gorram likely, you murderers!” Zoe said and I kept the front of the ship pointed towards the enemy. She kept the trigger down and the guns heated up, close to melting temperature. “Repair them, Honey.”

“Yes, dear.” I said and did so, resetting the guns and their heat build-up.

Zoe kept them on and the Reaver ship seemed to spit and sputter as the guns tore into the engines of their ship. “Prepping the Popper.”

“Give the word.” I said and brought us over top of the ship as it crashed down onto the ground and started to slide.

“Hold on... just a bit... dash forward now!” Zoe said and I gave the engines a dose of overload energy from the reactor and the ship jumped ahead of the Reaver's ship. “Dropping!”

I pulled up and did a corkscrew as I changed directions and flew away.

*WHA-BOOOOM!*

“I really love that thing!” Zoe said and I swung us back around and brought us in to hover over the shattered remains of the Reaver's ship. “No movement.”

I discreetly cast the human reveal spell and smiled as several showed up. “Go ahead and hit them again, just in case.”

Zoe grinned at me. “I love you.”

“I love you, too.” I said and lifted us up to a safe height. “Bomb away.”

Zoe released another Popper and the screen showed her that nothing but debris was left in the area. I did another reveal spell and nothing was left alive, so we flew back and landed at our security post and went back inside to go to bed. No one else had even woken up at the alarm.

*

Six months later, we had another full crew meeting.

“We're going Reaver hunting.” Zoe said.

“YES!” Jayne yelled and everyone chuckled.

“We can't wait for the occasional Reaver ship to find us out here, so we're going out to remove them completely from this star system.” I said and the others looked thoughtful. “Don't worry, I've got the automated turrets set up. If anything hostile shows up that doesn't pass the computer's automatic identity check, they get warned. If they keep coming, they get shot down. Nothing is allowed here without our permission.”

“What if they still get through?” River asked.

“I'll come back to protect you.” I said and she gave me a significant look. “I won't put you in danger.”

“You're leaving for a tour of the moons and planets.” River said.

I chuckled. “No, we're going out to drop modified Crybabys that will act as a satellite system.”

Kaylee sucked in a sharp breath. “You're copying the Alliance's sensor network!”

“You got it.” I said. “Crybabys are the perfect relays, since they are boosted broadcasters. I've attached the appropriate sensors to them and reprogrammed them for constant communication with each other and back to the central node here at Haven.”

“So, you're not going to disappear for months at a time?” River asked.

“I would never do that.” I said and hugged her. “We're doing a quick loop around the local area and will be back for more cargo. Once I check they are all up and working, We'll go out again drop off the next set.”

River sighed and hugged me back. “I don't want you gone for more than a week.”

I chuckled. “You spent more time than that inside your castle.”

“I brought snacks.” River said and kissed my cheek. “Don't be gone long.”

“Don't worry. I'm making sure that this place really becomes a Haven for anyone that wants to live their own lives.” I said and kissed her cheek back. “I'll only be gone barely a day the first trip.”

River nodded and let me go. “Get me something nice.”

I held my hand behind my back and she made a squealing noise.

“You really need to stop doing that.” Zoe said.

“Maybe next century.” I said and brought a container of ice cream out to give to her.

“I love you!” River said and kissed my cheek again before she ran off.

“Use a spoon this time!” I shouted after her and her giggling laugh floated back to us.

“What flavor did you give her?” Kaylee asked.

“Orange pineapple.” I said and she started to drool. I made another one and handed it to her.

“If I wasn't married and deeply in love, was a mother, or even had a lick less morals...” Kaylee said and tore the top open and dug her finger into the ice cream to scoop out a nice chunk before she put it in her mouth and moaned.

“Just doing that is bad enough.” I said and everyone laughed, even Simon.

*

“Reaver on the left.” I said and Jayne made a whooping sound and charged up the weapons.

“This is the most fun I've ever had, and I've had four different whores in one night before!” Jayne shouted and started to shoot at the Reaver ship.

“I always wondered what you did with that ten thousand credits.” I said and kept the ship pointed towards the enemy as Jayne had his fun tearing it up with energy weapons.

“I bought me a new gun and had fun.” Jayne said and hit the button for missile release. Six of them streaked towards the target and blew the enemy ship's reactor containment. A second later, the Reaver ship was annihilated from the reactor exploding. “What else was I gonna do with it?”

I laughed. “You did exactly what you were supposed to do with it, my friend.”

Jayne nodded and looked over the wreckage floating through space.

“Go ahead and shoot the pieces. We want them moving away from orbit and towards the star.” I said.

“I love this job!” Jayne said and then had a lot of fun picking off the debris and getting it on its way.

*

Two years later, the sensor net was complete and Zoe was pregnant. That grounded me permanently and Mal took over flying the patrols for enemies. Jayne still loved his job of gunner. Having giant energy weapons at his command, really got his joy meter going.

Our little settlement had become a thriving community. I hadn't known that after that little speech about me making the lands for people to be proud of, that Mal, Zoe, Kaylee, and Jayne had sent messages out on the net to their friends to spread the word. It took a while for word of mouth to spread very far; but, once it was out there, more and more people were interested in what we were building.

Once I found that out, I made a very sizable donation to the Alliance Expansion Program and registered Haven as an official colony. It was not an Alliance colony, though. It was just officially registered. No government officials were assigned and no one tried to come in to run the place. That wasn't the point of Haven. You came here when you wanted to live your life without worry.

Thanks to my abilities, no criminals tried to set up shop or tried to get their hands on our things. When they did try to bring conflict to us, despite the warnings, I destroyed their ships before they reached orbit. I didn't mind contraband, since that was like the bread and butter of Rim worlders. What I didn't want was drugs, gun running, or people trying to steal a piece of a legitimate business.

Soon, everyone learned that I always found out about crime. It didn't matter how good you were, or how sneaky, or how underhanded you were. I always found out. The criminals were warned and then given one chance. If they didn't straighten out, they would be asked to leave. If they didn't leave and committed another crime, they were removed and given to the Alliance with the evidence.

With me permanently grounded and taking care of Zoe, I spent my spare time making more and more fields for growing, forests, orchards, berry patches, lakes, and even swamps. It took me years to finally finish the moon's terraforming. I also had two children with Zoe. A boy and a girl. They were my heart and River was their older sister.

When the kids were older, River secretly shared her large book collection with them, which made both kids declare her the best sister ever. She even babysat them in her castle to give Zoe a day or two off a month. I didn't see daylight when that happened, as Zoe commandeered me for the same time. I didn't object in the least.

*

Years passed and the kids grew older. I eventually arranged for tours of Alliance Shipyards and anything else they would let a citizen in excellent standing visit. It was a lot, apparently.

When I offered to help repair some of their automated security sentries and perform maintenance on their deep space stations near the borders of the Alliance official territories, they practically shoved the authorization down my throat and pushed me out the door to get it done. Apparently, getting volunteers for that duty was very rare.

Six months later, the Blue Sun system had their own security sentries and six deep space stations. Since they registered as official Alliance technology, no Alliance patrol ship came around to check them out. Also, the Reavers never stood a chance. Mal and Jayne had apparently made it their mission to remove any threat to our new way of life.

With the new support systems in place and several other people wanting to help, we soon had a fleet of fast little ships, all Fireflys, zooming around the system and taking out any Reaver threat. In fact, they did such a good job over the next six years, that the way to Miranda was cleared up and the protective covering over the planet was eventually removed.

My family and I were the first explorers to step foot on the planet's surface since the last time Serenity and the crew had been there so many years before. Zoe cried her eyes out and I held her as she did so. Our daughter Zendia, looked just like her, and she promised that she would never forget her other dad. Zoe cried harder and almost hugged the teenager to death.

After that tearful introduction to the planet, our work began. We went over everything as we cleaned up the bodies. I made sure to touch everything I could as well. Buildings, pieces of equipment, computers, ships, and anything else I thought was useful. I also vanished everything that was damaged or just debris.

The clean-up took years and I converted every piece of land that wasn't a city or town, into viable farmland and other types of lands that were needed for the people that were constantly moving to Haven and looking for a new start. I had already converted several moons and they were filling up quickly. Apparently, happy people had a lot of sex... and children.

Simon and Kaylee were prime examples of this. Either they didn't care that they were having a kid every few years or they had so much love for each other that they needed more kids to share it with. I was betting on the latter reason. Both of them looked very happy with their lives.

Simon was the Head Medical Technician of his facility and Kaylee was the boss at her mechanic's garage. She had a lot of Fireflys to keep going and every time she saw me, she asked for a restock of replacement parts and for me to repair the old ones. She was having too much fun replacing them on new ships to worry about fixing them like she used to.

With all the new people and families coming to us for protection and for new lives, River met a lot of people. She liked a lot of them and even had a bunch of new friends. She did not accept any requests for dates, though. She always claimed that she was waiting for the right one to come along and she was still waiting, all these years later. She still lived in her castle and swam in the Black Lake, too.

Zoe grew old as the kids grew up and gained their own lives. I used illusions to grow old myself, just so she wouldn't think I was leaving her behind. I never wanted her to believe that I would ever leave her, not even by dying first. I told her that once and she laughed so hard that she doubled over and held her stomach. That was twice in her life that I had done that and she loved me all the more for it.

We moved back to Haven when Zoe was a hundred and ten and Mal, Inara, and Jayne from the old crew had passed on. I say passed on when they really just decided to not die properly of old age and flew the old Serenity into the sun. Kaylee had maintained it for just that reason, apparently. She also cursed them for leaving without her and made her husband and many children laugh.

Six years later, I buried Zoe beside Wash and made her memorial using a miniature pensieve dish. I put the memory of mine in there of the very moment that she had accepted me. Our kids saw that and they each hugged me, completely understanding the point of it. They knew their mother and that was a turning point in her life that they all knew was the best moment of her life.

“Okay, Kaylee. It's time.” I said as I entered her home.

“Gorram finally.” Kaylee said in a soft voice. “Simon, you're coming, too.”

“Honey, are you sure? We don't have to do this.” Simon said and rolled into the room in his electric wheelchair.

“I love you too much to do what Corpse just did with Zoe.” Kaylee said and took his hand. “Let's go greet the sun for the last time.”

All of our families were there to see us off and they wished us all the best. Hugs and kisses abounded as we went to the Serenity II, a fully automated sentry ship, and we boarded to applause and a lot of wet faces.

“We're really doing this.” Simon whispered.

“We really are.” Kaylee said. “I'm going to kick the Cap'n's ass for leaving me behind the last time!”

I chuckled and picked both her chair and Simon's up to carry up the stairs.

“How are you doing that?” Kaylee asked.

“Super strength.” I said and put them down at the top of the stairs. “It took two decades to develop and it's a far cry from what the ability is supposed to give me, since I don't have a Kryptonian body that's suited for it.”

“Zoe was more than happy with your body.” Kaylee said and cackled an old lady laugh.

“I didn't know that.” I joked and she laughed again. “Come on, I cleared out the cockpit for us to have front row seats.”

“We won't see much when we get close.” Simon said.

“I polarized the viewports.” I said and he huffed. “We might even see the corona as we pass through.”

“No, we'll be blinded by the flash of ultraviolet and infrared light.” Simon said and followed us into the empty cockpit with a ramp for them. “This is nice.”

“There's lots of room with no need for piloting equipment.” I said and sat down in a chair I created off to the side for them to sit beside each other in front of the main viewport.

“Prepare for liftoff.” A generic woman's voice said and the engine powered up. “Liftoff.”

We didn't feel a thing as the ship took off and ascended up through the atmosphere.

“It's so smooth.” Kaylee said in wonder.

“Fast, too. With no need for cargo or passengers, there was lots of room for a bigger reactor and a more powerful propulsion system.” I said. “It shouldn't be long now.”

“You really don't have to come with us, John.” Kaylee said and held a hand out to me. “You've worked so hard to remake all these moons and planets for people to use and you're leaving it all behind.”

“It's time for me to move on.” I said and kissed her hand.

“Hey, lips off my woman!” Simon spat and Kaylee giggled.

“I'm sorry. If she hadn't been yours when she found me, she would have been all mine.” I said and Kaylee gasped. “I loved your soft voice and thought about you for weeks and wondered how pretty you must be to talk like that.”

“Golly gee!” Kaylee said and blushed.

“How disappointed I was that you were taken.” I said and covered my heart and swooned a little.

Kaylee giggled. “Now yer playing wit me!”

I chuckled. “I would never try to break anyone up, even if I liked them. That's not something I would ever do.” I looked at Simon. “I'm really glad you came to your senses and didn't let her get away from you.”

“So am I.” Simon said and took Kaylee's other hand. “Now let my wife go and let us die in peace.”

I laughed and let her hand go. “That's okay. I have someone else to share this with.”

“Who?” Simon and Kaylee asked as the sun in the viewport grew closer.

I held my hand out to the side and a grey-haired River seemed to appear beside me.

“NO! We left you behind on purpose!” Kaylee and Simon said at the same time.

“I won't let you die alone.” River said and looked at me. “You promised that you wouldn't leave me for more than a short time.”

“My beautiful adoptive daughter.” I said and hugged her close. “I knew you were coming with me.”

River smiled. “At least to the sun.”

“At least.” I said and pet her grey hair. “I'm sorry you never found anyone to spend your time with.”

“I was never going to find another you, Daddy.”

“Another... oh.” I whispered. “River, I... I love you and I would never...”

“I know.” River said and smiled, her slightly wrinkled face happy. “That doesn't mean I wouldn't.”

I opened my mouth to tell her no and she pulled me close to kiss me like I kissed Zoe...

...just as Kaylee and Simon gasped and the ship slammed into the sun and exploded.