A Pacifistic Sword Saint

Helena was humming happily while brushing out Maude’s hair for bed. Maude’s hair had grown in the few months since the war had begun. It was now the longest it had ever been in her entire life. She was finally almost looking like a lady instead of a female soldier.

Maude thought back to seeing Helena giggling and smiling while glancing at Jakob earlier. Should I ask? She wondered. She felt her mouth starting to dry up. Do I even dare ask? How lucky she is to have the freedom to do what she wants and love who she wants. Maude felt as though there was acid churning through her insides. It’s just not fair, she thought.

“Your hair has gotten so long, my lady,” Helena commented. “And it’s such a beautiful color.”

“Thank you,” Maude murmured, already starting to feel guilty for being envious of Helena. There were obviously things that Maude had that Helena wished she had.

I’ve just been dealt a shitty hand, Maude thought. It’s so much easier to assume everyone’s life is better or easier than mine.

“What are you so happy about tonight?” Maude asked Helena. “Are you and Jakob...?”

Helena giggled, and in the mirror, Maude noticed some color warming Helena’s cheeks. “How did you figure it out?” Helena asked.

Maude laughed a little. “It was pretty obvious when the three of us were all walking to the dining hall together.”

“It was?” Helena asked, looking a bit shocked.

“You were glancing over your shoulder every few steps,” Maude pointed out. “And you seemed far too chipper for it to have been that you were afraid of him.”

“You caught me,” Helena giggled, her face switching back to a goofy grin.

“When did it all start?” Maude asked, a smile spreading across her face. Her heart felt light. It was wonderful to see Helena so happy.

“It was very recently,” Helena admitted, tying Maude’s hair back to braid it. “Jakob and I hadn’t really met all that much until you had come, my lady,” Helena said. “There wasn’t much need to have guards in the house until you came. The maids quarters and the knight’s quarters are not near one another. So we’d never really bumped into one another before.” Helena had a silly smile on her face. “And one day, he saw me coming to bring you tea and breakfast, and he was pretty much head over heels from that movement forward. He said I was too cute to resist.” Helena giggled again.

“That’s adorable,” Maude said.

Helena made a cutesy face. “He was handsome, but I told him I wanted to get to know him a bit better when he confessed to me. So we’ve already spent a lot of time together. Eventually I realized I was enjoying his company so much that I really couldn’t imagine my life without him. So we got together.”

“That’s wonderful, Helena!” Maude exclaimed.

“Thank you,” she said, a bright grin on her face. “It’s a little nerve wracking to start a relationship in the middle of a war,” she admitted, her face becoming more serious. “There is always the chance that he’ll have to go to the front and fight. And there’s no certainty that he will come back. Or he could come back disabled in his mind or his body.” Helena paused. “There are some things in this life that are just unforgettable. And war is one of them.”

Maude nodded. “I know exactly what you mean by that. That’s part of why I struggled with fighting in the war.” Helena looked forlorn. Maude wasn’t quite sure what else to say. “Jakob is strong,” Maude finally said. “He will be okay. He will come back. His grace would not have hired him if he was not capable.”

Helena still looked as though she was not fully reassured. “Jakob is individually strong,” she agreed, finishing the braid of Maude’s hair. “But war is not about individuals. It’s about groups. The strongest person in the world could take on a full army by themselves and lose.”

I know she’s right, Maude thought. She shifted her weight, trying to shake free the pit in her stomach. Even as a sword saint, with her augment ability, heightened reflexes, and perception, there was no way that even she would be able to win single-handedly against an army by herself. She was only one person, she only had two arms with which to swing swords, and she had four sides of her body. She could not protect all of herself all at the same time.

Helena was chewing on her lip. “Nonetheless, even with my doubts, I wanted to try out this relationship anyway. For how will I live happily and successfully if I am unable to take risks every now and then?”

Maude felt discordant emotions run through her. She felt a warmth in her chest, as Helena was strong to have taken the new relationship on despite the risks. But she also felt the poison in her guts bubbling back up. What would she give to be able to live as freely and true to her own emotions as Helena?

I could never dare pursue Jaspar the way Helena has so openly pursued Jakob, she thought. At least a maid and a bodyguard of the same household makes sense. I am a hostage and a noble of an enemy nation. I have taken it for granted how kindly the duke of an enemy kingdom has treated me. Attempting to romantically involve myself with someone who could easily turn on me tomorrow and have my head removed is a foolish endeavor.

“So what do you intend to do then?” Maude asked. “In case he does end up having to go to war?”

“I am going to spend as much time with him as I possibly can,” she answered, her smile coming back to her face and warming her expression a little.

Maude turned and gripped one of Helena’s hands and looked her in the eyes. “If you need anything from me to help facilitate time together, please don’t hesitate to ask,” Maude said. “I’m so happy that you found love in your life.”

Helena’s smile blossomed some more on her face. “Thank you, Lady Maude. I will gladly ask if I need anything.”