A Pacifistic Sword Saint

Maude stared at the titles on the spines of the books in front of her. I understand, she thought.

Though she had never attended balls or tea parties in the empire, it was not as though she had never been invited to them. After dwindling over the years, the invitations had eventually stopped coming.

She was the daughter of a duke. There was no doubt in her mind that most of the invitations she had gotten over the years were likely out of obligation. Outside of Lady Sara and Lord Silas, it was not as though she had tried very hard to make friends either.

Lady Sara always informed Maude that her reputation preceded her, and that Maude’s reputation was far from stellar. It was no easy feat to be considered the rudest person in all of society, after all.

Upon reflecting on how smoothly the tea party went in Aulbert, save for the interaction with Fronica Von Wickten, it was clear that through no failure of her own, she had fallen into every rude trap in high society, when she lived in the empire. She ignored invitations, didn’t eat or drink things she found distasteful, was loud and boisterous, met with men who were not her fiance, and wore pants everywhere. She probably could have gotten away with pants everywhere as the sole sword saint of the empire, but after everything else, pants was probably just the final nail of the coffin that had once been her reputation.

It was quite clear that her father and Zara had set her up to fail miserably by not giving her any etiquette lessons.

Maude stroked the back of a book’s spine. Etiquette Through the Ages, it was titled.

But why? She wondered. What had the Holloways had to gain by her having an absolute trash reputation? It seemed more likely that Zara was the type of person who should have been scrutinizing Maude’s every action. With even the slightest possibility of tarnishing the Holloway name would have been heavily criticized, Zara should have been scolding Maude.

I wonder if my reputation would have affected my chances with Silas, she thought. Though her father and Lord Silas’s parents had never officially promised for her and Lord Silas to marry when they were older, they had discussed it often. It had always seemed as though her future was set with him. She had never really questioned it.

Though Lord Silas was not as near high status as her, being the son of a count, there was no way that Maude would have ever been able to survive as a countess without any etiquette skills.

Maude stood up and continued her search. She narrowed her eyes, desperately looking for any books on etiquette for the empire. She was curious to see how different the Kingdom of Aulbert’s etiquette was from the empire. Had she really been that bad?

“Why?” she murmured out loud, trying to come up with what her father could possibly have had to gain by her making an absolute fool of herself.

I made a fool of myself before going to war in front of the emperor, a small voice buried in a corner of her heart said to her. It is almost as if my father had been trying to get me killed.

“Who wouldn’t want to be the parent of a sword saint?” she heard Duke Rosenberg’s voice repeat in her mind. She shook her head. None of it made any sense.

He didn’t train me in any of the arts of war besides sword fighting, but he was more than happy to ship me off as a leader of a battalion, too. It just doesn’t make any sense.

A book caught her eye that was on the shelf above where she had just been looking. Etiquette of the Empire it was called. She reached up for it, but it was just barely out of her reach.

She felt a warmth behind her and saw as a hand reached up above hers and grabbed the book off the shelf.

“Jakob?” she asked, whirling around to look at the person behind her. It was most certainly not Jakob.

Duke Rosenberg stood there, the book in his hand, offering it to her. “Jaspar,” he replied with a crooked smile on his face.

Fronica Von Wickten would kill me in a heartbeat if she knew this just happened, Maude thought, taking the book from his hand. Her heart was stuttering in her chest.

“Duke Rosenberg?” Maude said. “What are you doing here?”

“You can call me Jaspar when we’re alone,” he replied, the smile blossoming on his face. Maude glanced over at the corner where Jakob said he would be waiting for her in. He was now missing in action.

“Ah, Jaspar,” Maude replied, trying to get some distance from. Fronica, Fronica, Fronica, her mind screeched, in reminder. She slowly started to inch away from Jaspar.

“I had a free moment and wished to come check on you. Helena told me you were in here.” He gestured at the book. “Were your etiquette lessons unsatisfactory? I can find you another tutor.”

Maude cleared her throat, having to pause in her inching away to look a little less suspicious. “No, they were fine,” she replied. “I was just curious how different the etiquette was in the empire in comparison to here. I never had etiquette lessons there, after all.”

“Why does it matter?” Jaspar asked her. “It’s not as though you’ll ever be able to return to the empire.”

“Ah, well,” Maude shifted her weight. “As I told you, I was unable to go to any society events due to always training with the sword, but I wasn’t particularly popular either,” Maude said. “After how smooth things went at the tea party, I was wondering if it wasn’t because my etiquette was so bad before that I was unpopular.”

“That would make sense,” Jaspar replied, looking up at the ceiling. “Nobles everywhere seem to take it very seriously when someone does something they perceive as offensive. Especially the higher the person’s rank.”

Maude grimaced. He must think I’m such a loser, she thought.

“What was life like in the empire as the duke’s daughter?” Jaspar asked, changing the subject. “It surprises me that you weren’t popular. I assumed that you would have had people trying to be your friend or marry you, with you being a sword saint and the duke’s daughter.”

Maude winced, and chuckled. “I think the men in my unit thought more highly of me being the sword saint more than anyone else I’d ever met in the empire did.”

He looked at her confused. “Did people not know who you were?” he asked. “Everyone I’ve ever met from the empire knows your name.”

Maude shrugged. “I don’t know. That’s part of why I was curious about this book.”

“What was it like to live in your house, then?” he asked, looking concerned.

Maude chewed on her lower lip. Do I dare tell him the truth? She wondered. Will he look at me differently if I do?

Fronica, Fronica, Fronica! Another voice blared inside her. He might as well have a fiance, so you should definitely try to leave the library as soon as you can squirm your way out of this conversation!

Do it, a softer, hard to hear voice whispered to her. Tell him the truth.

She met his eyes. He was looking at her expectantly. “Well?” he asked.

“It was horrible,” Maude found herself saying. “My mother died when I was young, and my step-mother was never very fond of me. My father and step-mother always seemed to prefer my younger brother Callum over me. I wasn’t allowed to eat with the family and had to eat their table scraps after they were done. The maids never respected me, and I’d always find my bath water the opposite temperature that I’d asked for.” The words were tumbling out of her mouth now, quicker than she could even think of them. “I trained day in and day out but was never given any formal education the way Callum was. Neither my parents nor Callum had any qualms about physically punishing me or withholding food despite how hard I was training.”

Jaspar looked bewildered. “Are you telling the truth?” he asked.

Maude felt a lump forming in her throat. She nodded in response to his question. “In a lot of ways I was treated worse than the help,” she confirmed. Her voice sounded scratchy from the emotions she was barely holding back.

“What the hell?” Jaspar asked, running his fingers through his hair. “How is that even possible?”

Maude shrugged, trying to shrug off the emotions that were dangerously close to spilling out. I made a mistake, she thought, kicking herself internally. I should have never shared this kind of information with a man who is on the verge of being engaged to someone else. Fronica Von Wickten was right to be nervous of me.

He wrapped his arms around her, and pulled her close into a hug. Maude’s tears spilled while her heart simultaneously lit up. Jaspar is always so gentle with me, she told herself. That’s all it is.

“I’m so sorry, Maude,” he said. “I could have never imagined that’s what you went through.”

Maude was unable to respond, as sobs took over her body.

“How did you even survive?” his voice sounded stunned. “Why would a parent of the sword saint treat the sword saint in that manner?” One of his hands was doing a circular motion on her back.

“I just don’t understand,” Maude said when she found the opportunity to speak again between her sobs. “What is it about me that is so intolerable?”

“Nothing,” Jaspar whispered. “Nothing about you is intolerable.”

He continued to comfort her until her sobs subsided to mere sniffles. He let her go and took a step back. Maude could tell from the look on his face that he felt awkward.

Damnit, she thought. I let myself go too far. I should have never–

“I really appreciate you telling me that,” he said. “I’m gathering all that you experienced through them has played a role in your disdain for war.”

Maude’s eyes widened at his insightful deduction. She nodded. “I will do anything in my power to not be like them,” she said. It was a half-truth. But now wasn’t the time to unload on him the other half of the truth.

“I told you before that my father died when I was very young,” he said, looking up at the sunlight streaming in the library window. “My mother made a lot of sacrifices to ensure that I did not lose my place as the rightful heir to the duke.” He looked over at Maude again. “As a child, I had to put on a brave front every day against uncles, cousins, and even my aunt, who were all vying to steal the dukedom from my mother and I. I think I told you before, she managed to delay my becoming a duke by a couple of years, right?”

Maude nodded, remembering their conversation from when he was teaching her the sword techniques. “My mother met with all of those family members nearly every day. They hurled insults at her, and a couple of times, even managed to injure her.” His eyes had a faraway gaze in them now. “I did everything I could to quickly become qualified enough to protect her from all that.” He shook his head. “In a sense, those people robbed my innocence.”

Maude felt her heart squeeze in her chest. So he had it rough in a different way.

“And as soon as I became the duke, it became my responsibility to fend them off to ensure me and my mother’s safety.” He sighed. “Though it’s nothing like what you’ve gone through, every day felt impossible.”

“I can relate,” Maude said, taking a step forward towards him.

The door to the library opened loudly, and Jakob walked in. “Sorry to interrupt, Duke Rosenberg, but Chase is looking for you.”

“Ah,” Jaspar said, looking down at her and smiling. “That’s my butler. Sorry to cut you short, Maude, but duty calls.”

Maude’s heart sunk, and she felt her shoulders fall. “Of course, Duke Rosenberg,” she said with a nod, and a small, fake, smile. “Till next time then.”

His smile widened, showing off his teeth to her. “Till next time, then,” he agreed.