A Murder Wizards Adventure

A week later and I am once again standing before Cho, only this time I am both exhausted and covered in leaves and dirt.

Cho however looks exactly the same as before, green, stripey and lounging on his Mufasa rock.

"Hmmm, well done, you have passed the first test.

I'm not even given any time to celebrate as Cho ruthlessly keeps talking.

"Now onto the second. Find Chu."

That's all he says before returning to invisibility leaving me blinking at the fact that I am suddenly alone.

So, I have to find someone who I can neither see nor sense.

Ok.

I can do that.

Smirking evilly I flex chakra into my tattoos and in my hand appear a pair of unassuming brown bags that have my exhaustion momentarily giving way to excitement.

This isn't their intended use, but I couldn't think of a better time to make use of them.

One of the bags I throw in the air above the rock, the other I throw behind me and as they both reach the peak of their arc, they explode into a fantastical ball of multi-coloured glitter, like a shining aurora borealis they fall everywhere in the clearing.

In no time at all the once empty clearing is a sparkling mess of colours, like a crystalised rainbow.

I look forward and see the colourful outline of Cho on his rock as he slowly turns to level me what I would bet is a highly unamused stare but I just shrug and give him an unrepentant grin.

"No one specified how I should find him."

Besides, I'm covered in glitter too. Thankfully we now have a jutsu specifically designed to clean a person of any and all glitter.

I will never regret nor repent for bringing glitter bombs into ANBU pranks. Though Lion was pretty pissed with me that one time that we had a big glitter fight and covered half the base with the stuff. Pretty sure some places in there still sparkle.

Anyway, I turn around as another pair of glitter bombs appear in my hands. Time to find me a lizard.

A few hours later and I am once again standing before Cho, only this time I am still exhausted and covered in glitter holding Chu, who is also covered in glitter, by his tail, presenting him like a bag of trash.

Cho, still covered in glitter, regards me as one would a particularly disgusting cockroach. And speaks with audible reluctance.

"You passed the second test. Technically. Not in the way that was expected, but I suppose that we should have been more specific. Still, it would be dishonest of us to refute you here, so congratulations. Now your final test. Don't die."

Before I even properly finish processing my next test, Cho's tongue shoots out and taps me on the gest gently before returning to it's rightful place in his mouth. I'm about to ask what that was all about, what I have to survive, before the answer becomes obvious as I feel my chakra pulse out of my own control.

I focus inwards as I feel more of my chakra slipping from my control to see what is happening. My river feels like it is contaminated, like it has contracted a virus that is slowly spreading deeper, wanting to infect my whirlpool and them my everything.

I try to suppress it but I can't even make the spread slow down so I get desperate. It's acting like cancer so I will treat it as such, I 'cut' the infected chakra away and release it, producing a cloud of mist around me.

Nothing happens for a moment and I think everything is good, but then it remerges and I think fuck it and just expel my whole river of chakra, leaving only my whirlpool left.

The cloud of smoke created from that covers the whole field, obscuring our sight, so I make a small wind Jutsu to clear the air and look Cho in the eye with a glare that would quell any lesser man and definitely wasn't a pout and accuse him.

"Did you just poison me?"

"No, that was the Senjutsu you so yearn for. The final test is also a lesson, Senjutsu is not something that can simply be done. It requires diligence, training and talent, a single mistake is all it takes for you to die. Do you still wish to pursue this task?"

"Yes." I respond immediately.

I mean, is there really a need to ask? I already know that a lot of people die trying to become a Sage, but I also don't really care. Even more people die being a ninja and yet I'm still here aren't I? I was told the same thing with Fuinjutsu too, yet do I not remain alive?

"Very well then, go rest and make preparations so you have enough free time, this will not be quick."

I can do that, not to mention I really want to go to sleep, so I just nod my head and use the reverse summoning Jutsu and in a puff of smoke I am back inside of my suite, overlooking Konoha from my floor to ceiling window as the streets bask in the afternoon glow of the setting sun.

It's a very nice view, but I feel like I'm going to fall asleep on my feet right now, so I just head to my room, only once I open the door I see a pretty brunette lying in my bed and I can't quite remember her name.

"Hello Handsome, you're finally here, I was beginning to wonder if you were planning on leaving me all alone." She says in a sultry voice.

But honestly, I am too tired right now, I can barely keep my eyes open and I don't even know who this woman is, the only reason I'm not killing her for breaking into my flat is that I vaguely remember inviting someone over, it's not like I'm going to sleep by myself if I can help it after all.

"'M too tired, I go sleep," I say as I take off my clothes, only then realising that I'm still dirty and covered in glitter. I put on my pyjama bottoms and climb under the covers, ignoring whatever the woman is saying, "G'night."

I fall asleep before my head even hits the pillow.

...

"What do you mean you want, and I quote, 'an indefinite and indeterminate amount of leave'."

Takeshi asks me with a strained voice.

We are in his office the day after I got back. His office hasn't changed over the years, pictures of vast landscapes to decorate the walls, a window behind him and a big fancy desk covered in paperwork with two uncomfortable chairs facing the front of the desk.

I am standing behind the chairs in my civvies and I have a very serious expression on, because this is no joking matter. The funny thing is that it actually isn't a joking matter.

"Exactly like I said Sir, I need an amount of time off, but I am unsure as to how long, thus the need of indefiniteness, Sir."

I know it's a pretty unreasonable request, but Takeshi is a cool guy.

"Denied." He says, disproving my thoughts.

Fuck you Takeshi. Obviously, I didn't say that out loud.

"I urge you to reconsider, Sir."

"And prey tell, why would I reconsider? I'm not sure if you've noticed, but international tensions are rising again, or should I say, they never really stopped, and with the smaller nations getting rowdy, everyone will have all the reason they need to start another war. Your expertise are needed."

"All the more reason to reconsider, Sir."

My insistence makes Takeshi look me over speculatively.

"What is it exactly that you are doing, that requires so much free time."

"I'm visiting the gardens in Taki, Sir."

Obviously that isn't what I'm doing, but that is a code that means whatever you're about to say is important and we should make sure there isn't anyone listening in.

Takeshi's eyes widen slightly in surprise before he makes a couple of gestures and I feel one of the ANBU stationed here leave before Takeshi activates a privacy seal. I guess that guy doesn't have enough clarence.

Instead of prompting me to speak, Takeshi simply waits for me to start, something that I don't keep him waiting long for.

"I am going to become a Sage, Sir."

That makes his eyes widen even more than last time and he mutters something under his breath that I barely even hear.

"Another one?"

What? Another one? There are other Sages? I speak up before he can purely out of shock.

"Another one, Sir?"

Now he just gives me a bemused smile, amused at my slip of the tongue, but he answers nonetheless.

"Yeah, your friend I hear, Minato Namikaze. I hear he is well on his way to being a Sage, will probably have it mastered within the year."

Oh yeah, I forgot about that. To be honest, I haven't really spent a lot of time with Minato or Kushina since Mito died. We work in different areas and I don't really like either of them that much, though Minato isn't too bad these days.

But I totally forgot that he becomes a Sage, I'm not surprised he's ahead of me though, not only is he more talented than me, but he has Jiraiya and the toads to spoon feed him. I bet they didn't do any 'are you worthy' bullshit.

No, I am not bitter about that.

Anyway, we were having a conversation.

"So, about my time off?"

Takeshi heaves a great, exaggerated sigh before giving his response in a strained voice that tells me he doesn't agree with what he's saying.

"Fine. A Sage is a valuable resource. It would be foolish to deny us the opportunity of having not one but two Sages in the same generation. Request granted, however reluctantly so."

Awesome!

If I wasn't still standing here I'd do a fist bump, instead I settle for imagining a cat doing a fist bump in my head, because why not?

"Thank you, Sir. I will be back before you know it, better than ever!"

I spin on my heel and head for the door, I only have a small few preparations left to do and most of it is packing. I don't know if they will be like the toads but I do not want to be fed insects if I can help it.

Right as I'm reaching for the door handle however, Takeshi speaks up again.

"Oh, and Haruno? Do come back alive will you? You are one of my best operatives, I'd be annoyed if you just up and die."

I grab the door handle and open the door, leaving without responding or looking back. Not because I wanted a cool exit or anything, I just don't really know what I'm supposed to respond to that with.

With that out of the way though, and permission granted, it's time to pack my shit, call off any and all booty calls and inform my squad of my absence, not that they aren't used to it at this point.

I have got to be the most absentee squad leader in all of the village. I suppose that just matches with my being an absentee father too.

Truly I am absent.

Absent minded too.

I've said the word too many times now and it's starting to feel weird.

Absent, absent, absent.

What was I doing?

Right! Packing.

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A/N: He~llo! Dear readers!

Man, I kinda want to end this fic already. I won't just be dropping it, but I also probably won't be doing any more side plots and instead focus on actually bringing things to an end.

This is my first proper attempt at writing and I feel like I can do better next time around, though fuck my upload schedule, that is deffo going to change next fic.

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