A Murder Wizards Adventure

Time passes and my gig as a bodyguard settles into something of a routine.

Wake up, then wake up Suki, annoy her until she gets out of bed to be late for breakfast then she usually reads or relaxes in the garden for a few hours before I tell her of her starting lessons after which she berates me for warning her only as the lessons are starting and once again rushes off to be late for her lessons.

Really, punctuation isn't a priority of hers. Then after her lessons she will either spend more time reading or hanging out in the garden, tending to the flowers. Really there isn't a whole lot for her to do, what with the lacking entertainment of the modern world.

The only things that provides me a chance to stretch my legs is when she feels like watching Samurai train and I get to join in, since there isn't really anywhere safer for her than right next to the majority of the castles fighters.

The other thing is her weekly adventures where she goes out and excitedly explores the various stalls and shops and street acts as well as whatever catches her attention. She is a lot like an easily excitable child running around as if discovering the world for the first time.

It's still endearing, even after however long it's been, maybe a couple of months? I'm not really keeping track to be honest.

Anyway, today is one of the more exiting adventure days, which is to say it isn't going to be a day of me and Suzu explaining how, yes, everything you are tying to buy is a scam, no, this will not change.

Speaking of, at least there is one comfort, that being Suzu of course. I was explicitly told not to lay a hand on or try anything with Suki, but nobody made any such demands as to the sanctity of Suzu. Which is a fancy way of saying I'm fucking the maid.

We are technically doing the secret romance thing but I'm not naïve nor optimistic enough to believe for even a second that no one knows. I mean, for one my room is literally opposite Suki's and Suki always has ninja standing guard, so they will obviously be seeing Suzu enter my room at night and then would obviously report that to Nobushi.

But seeing as Nobushi hasn't said anything about it, I'll take that as implicit acceptance about it, probably with reasoning twofold. On one hand, a just Samurai would never cheat, so as long as I am with Suzu I would never touch Suki.

Then there's the fact that Suzu is like a second mother/big sister figure for Suki, and by being with her, I might develop similar familial affections and thus desire her safety and thus be an even more dedicated bodyguard.

Well, I'm rambling, today, instead of visiting the stalls, Suki wanted to go out, out, as in, outside of the village (It's a fucking city and you damn know it.) to visit the fields of flowers that surround the east of the village (CITY!).

See the village (Fuck you) makes a decent sum of profits every spring when the flowers bloom, first from tourism and then later from picking and selling the flowers towards the end of spring.

Right now we are alone, the three of us, walking down a path covered either side with flowers. The only thing Suki didn't seem to think about but has certainly realised, is that this has ended up more like a date between me and Suzu where we decided to bring our rambunctious daughter with us.

Now, I'm sure Suki doesn't know the extent of our relationship, but we aren't exactly subtle with how well we get along, so what she thought would be a nice, relaxing walk through the pretty flowers has instead turned into me and Suzu flirting with each other as we trail behind Suki who pretends to be ignoring us but is instead just blushing and muttering about 'traitors' and 'stupid lovebirds' and 'fake Samurai'.

This rather enjoyable relaxation is unfortunately very rudely interrupted by my sudden need to dash in front of Suki and draw my blade barely in time to parry a kunai off and away to the side.

"Both of you huddle close and stay behind me then don't move." I say, voice laden with gravitas that they have never heard, as until now I have only ever been relaxed.

"Wha-"

Suki goes to protest but is interrupted by the clanging of metal as I deflect two more kunai. Suzu, thankfully has the presence of mind to grab Suki and crouch down, hugging her close to both make them a smaller target and to use her body as an extra shield for Suki.

No more projectiles come and Ichi and Ni seem to think that revealing themselves now would not be the best course of action. I agree with them so I'm not even mad about being left out to dry.

The question of where the attacks came from is answered when a horde of 𝘣𝘢𝘯𝘥𝘪𝘵𝘴 make themselves known, having hid under the earth they open the ground like a natural trapdoor and stream out to surround us.

Meanwhile my only question is, 𝘩𝘰𝘸 𝘥𝘪𝘥 𝘐 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘴𝘦𝘯𝘴𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘮?

Of course that question was also answered when the trapdoors opened as I am now suddenly able to sense the mangy fucks and the tunnel system that has been dug out beneath us, though, based on the presence of kunai, it's fair to assume there is a ninja or two behind this and they might have made the tunnels, if only for the sake of saving time.

Still, fuinjutsu? That's interesting.

The rabble surrounding us all draw a weapon each and prepare an advance, but I ignore it for now.

If I were using a bandit camp as a distraction for the bodyguards, when would I choose to strike? Right before the bandits do of course, because bandits are the bottom of the barrel so you could hardly call any competent fighter 'distracted' if they are only facing bandits, in fact to do so would be incredibly insulting.

And during a fight your senses are most wired, that is when it is easiest to react without thinking, so the time a competent guard would be most distracted, would be when they are considering just how exactly they will eviscerate the rabble.

So with all of that in mind, I pay exactly zero attention to the fodder, and I am proven right a moment later when a man shoots out of the ground from the edge of the path headed straight for the girls.

While I don't have the time to stand between them, I do have enough time to take a swing at his chest that he has to give up on the attack to defend and jumps backwards from the strike.

Before he can regain his bearings and attack again however, Ichi finally decides to show himself and the two of them swiftly disappear, their fight taking them elsewhere as I focus back in on the bandits who are very close now and still too stupid to understand that they are making a poor life choice.

The first bandit approaches me swinging a big sword with absolutely zero finesse. God, bandits piss me off. They are like a personal insult. Here you are, in a world of such wonderous opportunity and the best idea you can come up with for what to do is be a fucking useless bandit.

If they at least tried to learn about chakra, like from the monks or something and 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘯 became bandits I wouldn't mind so much. I guess it's just the fact that they have wated such an opportunity.

Again, I wouldn't mind if they just wanted to be farmers or something, you don't need chakra for that, but if you want to spend your time robbing and killing people, how could you ignore chakra, or even just basic skill with a weapon.

The latter thought is punctuated by how I parry the idiots blade to the side with no difficulty at all and pierce my blade through his throat before he even realises his attack hasn't landed.

The other bottom feeders aren't put off by their fellows sudden death like the fools they are, instead they just go with the age old strategy of 'you can't kill us all' which is a sound strategy, only it kind of falls apart when you come across an enemy that can actually kill you all.

Which I do.

I make sure to keep circling the girls, not letting anyone get too close, even having to jump over them a couple of times for pincer attacks, in fact, I make sure that not even a single drop of blood stains the girls' clothing.

And after a swift and brutal dance of death, silence once again resumes, only intermittently broken by the sobs of Suki as she clings tightly to Suzu in fear.

Looking around I realise one thing I did not consider, it makes quite the grisly scene. Fun fact, when you cut a few dozen men into pieces in roughly the same area, the result is a large area of organs and blood and viscera.

Not really something Suki should really be seeing, as innocent as she is. So as I crouch beside the two I speak softly as I put a hand on each of them, having sheathed my sword.

"It's okay, it's all over now but don't open your eyes Suki, just relax, everything is fine."

Suzu looks around briefly before turning green, but she manages not to throw up, which is surprising, considering the smell. She looks up at me with hope, gratitude and what I think is the promise of reward.

Suddenly feeling a lot better about this situation, not that I show it, I help Suzu and Suki stand and then gently I pick up Suki bridal style, so she doesn't get any blood on her shoes, me and Suzu unfortunately don't get the same luxury.

Speaking of lacking luxury, I forgot that we are all wearing sandals. Even if they are raised, there is also a lot of corpses, so me and Suzu get dead people bits stuck between our toes and it is kinda gross.

After a short walk, enough that the corpses are out of sight at least, I let Suki down.

"You can open your eyes now. See? Everything is fine now, though I think it would be best if we head back now."

Suki looks somewhat lost as she turns her head this way and that before confirming that there are no corpses or bandits around, then I am suddenly one pint sized woman heavier as she jumps into my chest and attempts to squeeze the life out of me.

I stay silent, in recognition of the tears staining my favourite kimono. So much effort to avoid staining it with blood and it gets stained in tears anyway. At least they wash out easier.

Not that I do the washing so I suppose it doesn't actually really matter.

Eh, thoughts for never I suppose.

At some point Ichi returned and allowed me to see him before he went back to hiding, letting me know the ninja threat has been dealt with.

For now, I simply return the hug, making me pick her up again as I start walking back to the castle, leaving a pair of bloody footprints and a pile of corpses behind.

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A/N: He~llo! Dear readers!

I just came to the startling realisation that Hana isn't really an adrenaline junkie anymore, since he is used to his job now it isn't such a novelty, not that he doesn't still love his job but still.

It's the perfect job for a sociopath too, you get to be someone new so frequently you're practically guaranteed to never be bored.

Is this what it's like to see your boy all grown up? He's so mature now.. Kinda. For a certain definition of the term.

https://ko-fi.com/bored_works

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