53. Deferred
"You enjoyed that a little too much," Kelly said with an amused smirk on her face.
I suppressed a giggle as I finished getting out of my maid outfit. I hadn't actually done anything naughty, I just dressed up and wore it around the house for the afternoon to tease Kelly and Keira.
"Whatever do you mean?" I asked, in my best innocent voice. "You two were nice to me on Friday, and I'm well-known for keeping my promises."
As soon as it was put away I hurried to join her in bed. She stifled a squeak as I cuddled up against her under the big thick duvet. "Hey! Your toes are freezing!"
"I know," I grinned. "That's why I needed to warm them up against your legs!"
After a few minutes of cuddling, I decided to risk talking with her about her sister. "You know, it's been over a year now. I was wondering if maybe we should help Keira get out there again, see if she can maybe meet someone -"
"No." Kelly stated, cutting me off.
"You seem pretty sure about that," I asked softly. "Have you spoken with her?"
She sighed, "Babe for one thing we're twins. We have a pretty good handle on each other's feelings. But yeah, we've talked. We spend like two hours in the car together every day, remember? We talk a lot."
"Right," I nodded. "So she's not ready."
Kelly shook her head, "It's more than that. What happened to Amy... She's terrified it could happen again. She says she'll never date another human. She doesn't want to risk it. Even if she kept our nature hidden, it's probably dangerous for humans to be too close to us."
After a pause she added, "Unfortunately part-fae like us aren't very common, and full fae like you are even rarer. So she's resigned herself to just staying alone. The odds of finding a fae or part-fae who's available, compatible, looking for a relationship, and also a lesbian... It's remote."
I sighed quietly. I didn't know what to say, but I understood what Keira was afraid of. And what it probably felt like for her, to have to face those odds and make that kind of decision.
It reminded me of my own fears, about Kelly and me. Obviously it was a different situation, but the bottom line was similar. There were significant physiological differences between the two of us, and someday those differences would become an issue.
The two of us cuddled quietly for a few more minutes as I thought about my fears again. And this time, I worked up the courage to broach the subject with her.
"Hey Kelly?" I asked softly. "Do you ever think about where we'll be in fifty years?"
She stifled a laugh, "Fifty years... Hopefully I'll be retired after a long and successful career. That's a little too far away for me to focus on, babe."
I sighed slightly, "OK then, twenty years. Where do you think we'll be in twenty years?"
"I don't know," she shrugged. Her voice sounded thoughtful as she said "I guess I'll be helping fae, part-fae, people in the community here on Earth? I'll have a clinic somewhere, doing therapy and stuff."
She shrugged again and added, "I'm not really that sure yet to be honest Tegan. I just know I enjoy studying psychology, and I want to help people. And I think there's people who need help but can't get it from humans because of their circumstances."
I stifled another sigh, and decided it was best to just let it go at that.
We both lay quietly for a few minutes, then she asked softly "What's wrong Tegan? I can tell something's bothering you."
"It's nothing," I lied. I didn't want to get into fight or get her upset or anything. I guess I didn't want to have that discussion after all, and realized I never should have asked about the future in the first place.
She sighed "I know it's not nothing. Tell me the truth babe, what's troubling you?"
I was quiet for a few more seconds, before I finally told her. "I asked where you thought we'd be. You told me where you wanted to be. There was no me in your plans."
Kelly pulled me close up against her and kissed me. "I'm sorry Tegan, I didn't mean it like that at all. I was thinking career stuff, you were asking about personal stuff. I misunderstood."
After another minute or so of silence I asked again, "So where will we be, you and me, in twenty years?"
"I honestly don't know babe," she replied. She gave me another kiss. "Still together, I hope! Maybe we'll be back in the city in some fancy condo or something. Or in some big place out in the suburbs, with my practice in a posh upscale building."
She kissed me again then asked, "What's brought all this on? I mean, a few years ago you had trouble thinking about next week, let alone the next fifty years."
"A few years ago I was twenty-two, and thought eighty was a long life," I sighed. My voice dropped to barely a whisper as I added, "Now I look nineteen, and maybe in another two decades I'll look twenty... It might be eighty years before I look twenty-two again..."
We were both silent again for a few more minutes.
Finally Kelly shifted so she could look me in the eyes and asked "Tegan, what is it you're saying?"
Her tone was a mix of worry, caution, and wariness. At the same time I could feel how her body had tensed slightly. She was feeling defensive now, I'd upset her.
I hesitated, then decided to just say it.
"I guess I'm just worried, about how much longer you're going to be happy hanging out with someone who's still a teenager. I mean, the age difference is already noticeable. You and Keira are both mature young women. You've both got serious career ambitions, you take your studies seriously. I'm just a dumb kid who keeps dropping out of college and can't figure herself out. In five or ten years you'll be doing serious work, helping people, having a career and stuff. You're not gonna want some dumb teen hanging around. People will start talking, asking questions."
Kelly sighed as she realized what I was worried about. "And in twenty years, people will think you're my daughter. In fifty, you'll pass as my grand-child."
I nodded quietly as I looked up at the ceiling. I couldn't look her in the eyes at this point.
She gave me another squeeze, "These are the sorts of things I want to learn to help people with, Tegan. Mixed relationships, between fae, part-fae, and even humans. These sorts of things happen, people have to learn to deal with it."
Now it was my turn to feel defensive and wary.
I frowned "So is this just a learning exercise for you? Getting some first-hand experience, before you start giving people advice about it?"
"What?!" Kelly frowned at me. "Oh my Gods no, Tegan! Why would you even ask that?"
I sighed but couldn't face her, I kept my eyes down. "Sorry, I shouldn't have said that. I just... I'm worried you'll want to move on. I'm worried about being an embarrassment to you. Either that you'll be embarrassed of me, or embarrassed to be seen with me because of what people will think."
Kelly slumped back a little and sighed as well. "You're not an embarrassment, Tegan. You're brave, smart, honourable, and just. You're kind and generous and loving."
"Maybe in Otherworld. On Earth I'm just a loser and a college drop-out." I didn't really mean to say it, but I guess I was still feeling down and sorry for myself.
She took a deep breath then let it out in a deep sigh, and the two of us lay there in silence again.
After a few minutes she asked, "What do you want to do? Don't tell me you don't know, there has to be something you want. Even if you think it's silly or impossible, tell me what it is? Please?"
I bit my lip and held it for another few seconds. Then I finally answered, "I want to go back to Otherworld, and spend some time there. I want to learn all the stuff Maeve's been bugging me about. Learn how to use a sword, shoot a bow. How to ride horses better. Even stuff like fae politics and history." I gulped, then summed it up, "I want to learn to be a Brádaigh."
Kelly was silent for a long time after that. She was still awake, but she just lay there staring at the ceiling.
Finally she asked, "You want to live there? Like, go and live there full time?"
I shook my head, "I want to be with you. That's what I want more than anything else. But I also want to learn all that other stuff too."
We were both quiet again for a while. Eventually she said, "I don't know what to say or how to deal with this stuff right now Tegan. But I want you to know, I don't want to get rid of you and you're not an embarrassment to me. I've got two more years at Uni, then I guess we'll have to think about this stuff again."
I just nodded slowly. I don't think she meant it like that, but it felt like she was telling me to just wait another two years till she was ready to talk about it. I figured that was ok though. I mean, between the two of us, I was the one who had the time. And I didn't want to argue any more.
After another long pause, Kelly suggested "All three of us are still going over there for Samhain. You should talk with Maeve and Connor. Like, let them know you're interested in learning that stuff. Even if you can't stay and do it right away, they'll be happy to know you're thinking about it. And maybe they'll have some suggestions."
Kelly and I had been visiting Otherworld a few times a year since our first trip there. We'd go over for Beltane and Samhain, and sometimes Imbolc or Lughnasadh too. And since Keira moved in with us, we'd started bringing her over there for the festivals as well.
"Yeah," I nodded. "Good idea."
I was looking forward to it, even though it was still over a month away. Me and Kelly and Keira were going to take a two-week vacation. Or at least, for the two of them it would be a vacation, they'd take the time off from their studies. We planned to go hang out at castle Brádaigh, celebrate Samhain with the fae, and maybe tour around the estate for a bit before we had to come back to Earth.
I'd already planned on having some very private discussions with Maeve while we were there. There was something else I needed to talk to her about. Something I was anxious about but also really hopeful. It was about an idea I had, to solve the aging issue. I wasn't going to say anything to Kelly yet, or Keira either for that matter. Because it would have to be both of them, they're twins and I couldn't offer it to one and not the other.
The thing I needed to discuss with Maeve, was the fact that I could make Kelly and Keira fully fae. I knew it was possible. I did the reverse three years ago when I transformed Liam ó Catháin from a fae man in his fourth century into a fifteen-year-old human girl. It was a bit of a crude magical hack and fairly easy to reverse, but that was three years ago. I'd done a lot of studying and research since then, and learned several much more elegant ways of breaking magic.
In the case of Kelly and Keira, they'd sort of wind up like me. They'd still be twenty-five years old, but with fae bodies that appeared to be just past their first century. Essentially they'd be like changelings, except no humans would be harmed in the process.
The thing I needed to talk to Maeve about was I had no idea how other fae would react to them. If the twins wound up being ostracized and seen as freaks or abominations then there'd be no point doing it. I had to know that they'd be accepted by the fae before making the offer to Kelly and Keira.
And even then I had no idea how the twins would take it. Would they be happy? Or would they be offended? Would it seem like I was telling them their human half needed to be purged? I knew it would be a difficult conversation regardless, but I hoped they'd understand I meant well. I'd be offering them the same slow aging and long life I had, and they'd get an instant boost to their magical abilities too.
If everything worked out, it would be my Samhain gift to them. If not, maybe it'd be what drove us apart. But I felt I had to try.