LIGHTNOVELONLINE 23. Connected
"Hi mom," I smiled as I slipped into the booth across from her. I dumped my purse next to me then wriggled out of my hoodie and left that balled up on the bench beside my purse.
She smiled back, "Hello dear, how are things? How's college?"
"Things are good. School's going ok, or as ok as it can be, I guess. I'm still really busy with everything though, between my actual classes and the uh, extra-curricular studies stuff."
She knew I was learning more about what I was, though she didn't know I was learning that stuff from Kelly. Only that I was spending time every day learning the 'other stuff' and that it was important.
It was Thursday and since school started, we'd made it a bit of a routine to meet up for lunch on Thursdays. Kelly was busy all day long with classes, and hanging with my mom was better than eating alone. And anyways, I was happy to see her and maintain or re-build the relationship between us.
"What do you mean, 'as ok as it can be'?" she asked, frowning. "Are you having trouble with your classes?"
I sighed and bit my lip. I wasn't sure if I wanted to get into that topic with her, but after a few moments I figured I may as well. She'd keep bugging me if I didn't tell her.
I lowered my voice and leaned forward, and replied "I'm just running into a lot of sexism and misogyny I guess? Like, I'm the same person I always was, I have the same skills and the same knowledge? But a few of the profs treat me like I'm not that smart, and they're way harder on me now than they were before. And harder on me than on all the guys in the class. So it's like, they act like I'm not that smart, then they mark me down for stuff the guys get a pass on, then they point at my grades and claim it's proof I'm not as good as the guys."
I sighed again, "Plus I have to deal with like, half the class staring at my boobs and my ass. Including some of the profs. It just really pisses me off. I just want to be treated like I was before, you know?"
Mom grimaced and sighed, "I'm sorry Tegan. I know there's all kinds of talk about equality, but what you're experiencing isn't much different than what any other young woman has to deal with."
"I know," I grumbled. "I know it's not just me. And I know it'd probably be even worse if they actually knew who I used to be, if they knew I was trans and stuff. I just wish there was some way to fix things. It shouldn't be like that."
She gave me a sympathetic look, "Just keep doing what you're doing, do your best and try not to let it get to you. I'm proud of you dear, for sticking to it despite all the er, difficulties and changes you've had to go through."
We paused the conversation as the waitress came by to get our drinks orders. We were both ready to order our lunch too, we met here often enough mom and I knew the menu off by heart.
After the waitress left to get our drinks, I asked "So how's dad doing?"
"He's fine," mom replied. "He's still not really comfortable with you being trans. Hi is making an effort though, I think. He's been spending time visiting those websites you linked in that email last month. I think he's decided to learn all he can about being trans, so he can understand what all means, what it was like for you. So at least he's trying."
She sounded hopeful, and honestly I figured that was a good sign too.
As far as I knew, mom still hadn't told him anything about the magic or fae stuff. And he probably hadn't even seen a picture of me, since there's no explanation of how I got to look this way without magic. But around the time school started back up, mom broke the news to him that I was trans and had changed my name to Tegan. And that I was using she/her pronouns.
I wasn't sure if it'd make it easier on him or not if we just sort of 'tore the bandaid off' and met. I had a feeling at least part of the problem dad was having was he was probably picturing me as what I used to look like, but in make-up and a dress. And I could sort of sympathize with him on that. I mean that's the kind of thinking that kept me in denial for ten years, kept me from being true to myself for so long.
We were quiet again when the waitress returned with my cola and mom's coffee.
After she left again, I said "I know it's two months away, but we should think about what to do for xmas. If he's not comfortable having me visit that's fine, but I'd really like to see him. Even if it's just like, meeting at a restaurant or cafe during winter break or something."
Mom nodded "I'm going to work on him. I don't want our holiday get-together this year to be a half hour spent at some coffee-shop, the three of us talking to each other over drinks served in paper cups. I want you home for a proper family holiday visit. And Kelly's welcome too of course. I think it would be lovely having the both of you."
She added, "It was bad enough not having you home for thanksgiving two weeks ago."
"Yeah," I sighed. "I missed that. Me and Kelly didn't even do anything special, we just got take-out I think."
Mom gave me a disapproving look. "I should have taught you better, Tegan. You need to learn to cook. It's not healthy getting take-out all the time. Maybe instead of meeting here, we should start meeting at your place. Then I can teach you how to make proper meals."
I suppressed a groan, but rolled my eyes slightly. "Mom, I'm already swamped learning new stuff. There's only so much learning my brain can take before it overloads and breaks."
Mom sighed and gave me a mom-look, but the two of us were quiet again for the moment as the waitress brought us our meals.
One thing I liked about this place was they had a special lunch-menu with small portions. I got a half-sandwich and a small side salad, and even then I usually struggled to finish it all.
Mom got a baked pasta dish that looked and smelled great, but if I tried ordering that I'd have at least half of it left over for dinner.
As we started eating she commented, "Well even if your food choices aren't the best, I'm glad to see at least you're keeping reasonable about the portion sizes. You got quite an amazing gift when you received that figure, it would be a shame for you to ruin it."
I sighed. I knew she was sort of, kind of complimenting me? But it also felt a little judgemental, and honestly I had enough people making comments on my figure at college, I didn't need it from my mom too.
I also had a sneaking suspicion mom's fears were unfounded. Neither Kelly or Kelsey had said anything, but I was beginning to think maybe fae metabolism was a little different or whatever. I certainly got way more sugar in my diet than you'd think was healthy, between the cafe-mocha's and the Belgian waffles and whatever other sweet treats I indulged in now and then.
Not that I was gross about it, but as Kelly kept reminding me, it's like I had a child's palate or something. Yet it never seemed to really affect my waistline, or my weight.
On the other hand, maybe it's just that I tried to stay active, and like mom said, I kept my portions under control. Sooner or later I'd ask Kelly, assuming it didn't eventually come up in one of the boring lessons.
Eventually our focus shifted away from the food and back to conversation. Mom asked, "How's Kelly?"
"She's fine," I replied. "Like I keep saying, she's what's keeping me sane."
"I'm glad she's there for you, Tegan." Mom smiled.
She added, "As much as I enjoy our lunches together, and enjoy having you to myself for this time every week, I'd like to visit with the two of you together now and then. Maybe we could set something up?"
"Yeah," I nodded. "I'll talk with Kelly, maybe this weekend? Or next weekend. We'll make it happen, I'll let you know."
Mom smiled, happy for that. She lowered her voice slightly as she asked, "Any news on the subject of your er, biological parents?"
I'd filled her in on that topic, as much as I could at least. She knew that I'd been told a name and had some other information, but I'd never given her any of the details.
"Nope," I shook my head. "I've basically decided it's no different now than it was last year, or ten years ago. They gave me up, I'm not interested in meeting or knowing them. I know there's some slightly different considerations of course. I mean, they're obviously not what any of us might have assumed or expected. But at the end of the day, it doesn't matter. You and dad are my parents. You two are the ones who matter to me. Not some strangers I never even heard of before."
She smiled, she looked happy to hear that of course. Still, she was at least aware of other considerations, it was about more than just emotions.
"What about medical questions?" her voice dropped even lower, "Are you sure there's no odd biological things you might need to know about?"
I gave her a confident smile, "I'm sure mom. But thanks for asking, thanks for worrying about me. It's ok though. You and dad are my folks, and you always will be."
Mom smiled back, "Thank you Tegan. I'm your mom, it's my job to worry about you. I'm glad to hear though, it sounds like you've got things under control."
After a pause she added in a half-whisper, "It's still hard to believe sometimes, you know? I have to almost pinch myself now and then, to remind myself this isn't some sort of strange dream."
"Yeah," I nodded. "I get that too mom. I mean, I'm living it and even I find it hard to believe sometimes."
She kept her voice low as she asked, "But you're still happy, right? You're not upset or unhappy about anything that's happened?"
I smiled and nodded, "I'm very happy. I mean, I complain about the sexism and stuff at college, but honestly that's a price I'll gladly pay to be me."
I added, "It's not just the physical changes either, I'm really happy how Kelly and I are so much closer now. Life isn't perfect, not yet at least, but it's pretty darn close. So yeah, I'm happy."
"Good," she smiled back. "I'm glad."
Eventually she had to get going, and I had to head back to the campus to get to my one afternoon class today. It was my turn to pay for lunch, mom and me alternated each week. Then the two of us went out to our cars.
We hugged in the parking lot and she smiled, "Another thing I'm still not used to, is you being shorter than me again."
I just grinned up at her and said "See you later mom. I'll call or text you once I've spoken with Kelly about the three of us getting together. Bye for now, I love you mom."
"Bye Tegan," she replied. "I love you too."
