A Chronometric Defect

*vrrrm*

They say there's a curse. The curse of the quiet. If it's quiet, you're gonna get slammed. If someone says it's quiet? Double slammed.

"Lauren, I'm gonna demote your ass if you ever say the q-word again."

"What? You can't do that."

"Waaaatch me."

*vrrm*

"It isn't my fault this guy thinks he's sharing a hallucination with his wife."

"Not the point. Just don't say the q-word."

"I'll say it's quiet if I want."

"Deeeemoted."

*vrrr*

"Yeah, sure. And I'll demote myself back to a better job. You get right on that."

"Hey, you two. What's this about a shared hallucination?"

"Our current run. Didn't you catch it?"

"Nah man, I was taking a piss."

"You're demoted too."

"What's got your panties in a twist?"

*vrr*

She gestures at me.

"Ignore him; he's always like that. This call, some weirdo said there's a see-through dragon in his bedroom. He said it claims to be a deity."

"Oh, that's rich."

"It gets better. The dragon is the size of a normal human, and it destroyed his sofa."

"Go on."

"He said the dragon wants to eat his ornamental rock, which is bigger than his queen-size bed."

"What the heck? Haha."

"Oh, and— here's the best part."

"There's more?"

"Said giant rock is also in his bedroom."

"PFFFFHAhahahahaha!"

*vrrrrrmmmmm*

I decide to interject.

"Shut up. It's not that funny."

Lauren fires back, her voice thick with sarcasm.

"That's because you have no sense of humor. That's why it gets so quiiiiiet."

"You're demoted to buck private."

"We're not in the milit— oh, you were trying to be funny. How cute."

I roll my eyes and cross my arms.

"Agh."

*rrrrm-m-kkt-chk*

I start to brief them.

"Alright, make sure you check for noxious gasses, he said his wife was out cold. Particularly carbon monoxide."

"Yeah, I know."

"It's protocol to remind you anyway. Stay safe."

"Thanks."

We exit the ambulance.

*klam*

*klam*

We walk quickly to the front door.

...

This house looks normal enough. I roll my eyes again. Haah. We always get the most random—

*chk-krrrt*

The caller's opened the door. Err, I think he is?

"Hello, please come in. I called because—"

"The dragon?"

My partner slips past him.

"Yes, my wife told me about it. It's been over a week since. Now, this dragon actually shows up, freakish thing. It was talking inside my head, so I figured I'd lost my marbles. Then, I couldn't find the psychiatrist's number, so—"

"No mox!"

I yell back.

"You sure?"

"Yeah, we're clear."

I turn to signal the ambulance driver. He signals back.

I turn back to the caller.

"Alright, how about we sit down at your kitchen table. We can talk while Lauren checks the house for hazards. Normally I'd wait, but there's no carbon monoxide here and you don't look so hot."

"Thanks."

He turns and goes inside. I follow.

*tok*

*tok*

*tok*

Those are some loud shoes.

He sits at the table.

*srrt*

I sit too.

*srrkt*

"So, your bedroom is where?"

"It's—"

I hear Lauren again.

"Uh, boss?"

I turn to look down the hallway.

"Yea, what've you got, Lauren?"

"You should come see this."

I point down the hallway.

"Is that your bedroom?"

"Yeah."

We both get up from the table.

*vrrtk**vrrt*

*tok*

*tok*

*tok*

*tik*

The caller gestures to his room.

"See, there's no dragon, right? It's just that big rock."

What in the hell... Is that a sculpture?

The sculpture waves.

"Hello, my name is Chronovoid."

Oh. Hm.

"Uh, Lauren, is that what you wanted me to see?"

The... Dragon, interjects.

"I'm not 'that;' I'mma dragon. Rawr."

Lauren responds.

"Yeah. That."

"Draaaaggooon. Rawr."

I turn to face her.

"Are you SURE there's no mox?"

"Positive."

"Aerosolized drugs?"

She raises the detector she's holding in her left hand.

"This catches radon, VOCs, and mold, but none of those are swiftly neuroavailable. Unless we're all about to die."

I hear it again.

"You're not gonna die."

I turn back to face the dragon.

"Uhm, mister dragon. Why are you here?"

The caller interjects.

"What? No. You all can see it too?"

The dragon points at the big rock.

"I want the rock right there."

He seems real enough to me.

"Yep, he's real alright."

"I told you I'm real."

The caller doesn't take that well. He grabs his head.

"Ahh, I'm hallucinating other people hallucinating. I must be really far gone."

A long silence.

*koff*

Oh, the wife. She looks AWFUL.

I point at her and address Lauren.

"Check her vitals. Look at her, do it."

"With that... Dragon... Over there?"

"Why the hell not? Just do it."

She responds with thick sarcasm.

"Wouldn't want to get demoted."

"That's the spirit."

She turns.

"Uhh, mister dragon—"

"Chronovoid."

"Chronovoid, may I—"

"Ain't my house."

...

"Riiight."

Lauren shrugs and walks over to the woman in bed.

*shuf*

*ahip*

*shrrrrp*

I decide to make small talk. No idea why.

"So, um. Chronovoid. Why not take the rock?"

*fuh*

*fuh*

*fuh*

"It's not mine. Stealing isn't right."

*fuh*

*fuh*

*fuh*

"But you're a dragon?"

*fuh*

"Must I steal?"

*psssssss*

"I suppose not."

...

Lauren's looking at me. What now?

"BP's alright, BPM is low. Bit cold. Usually, I'd say alcohol poisoning, but something's not right. She's much too pale. Should we take her in?"

*shrrrrp*

*shhhf*

I turn to Chronovoid.

"Yeah. Is that alright, Chronovoid?"

"May I come along?"

...

"In the ambulance?"

"Yes."

I pause.

Um. Okay.

"Try not to stab anything? Sure?"

"Great. Let's go."

He gets up from a very destroyed sofa and walks past us.

...

I glare at Lauren.

I swear, she'd better never say quiet.