A Black Market LitRPG

To all my dear readers,

The series 'A BlackMarket LitRPG' has been signed to be published on Amazon sometime during May-July 2024.

As part of the publishing efforts, a serious developmental edit has been performed (by myself) on Chapters 1 - 60.

I will be performing this developmental edits in chunks of books (e.g Book 1, Book 2 and so on).

In the edit of Book 1, the objective was to make it more logically coherent as to why the events are happening, along with more vibrant character dialogues to really establish them as distinct characters rather than mere sychopants to the MC. The antagonists are slightly smarter, but the general overall events remain the same. More foreshadowing is also set up for the Versian Arc, to reduce the jarring effect when the city was changed.

Here is the overall changelog - I highly suggest you read it again from the start, and don't forget to 'heart' the chapters (or is it favourite? favorite? like? That heart icon at the bottom.)

Spoiler

Changelog BlackMarket V2.0.1

Chapter 1:

• Grammer and Punctuation Edit
• Improved Fight Scene
• Martial Arts Training -> Martial Arts Expert
• Removed line about Alvin being boy sold by parents.
• Added more ‘bad grammar’ to gang members.
• TTS pass.

Chapter 2:

• Improved inner dialogue from Damian
• Added more details to Ulon’s Healing Necklace
• Clarified that the healing necklace uses internal energy rather than user energy.
• Added Crimson Swords to the East Sector
• Grammar and Punctuation Edit
• Fight Scene fixes – same result of Ulon getting smashed by Kyle.
• Removed Usurper Title
• Removed information about Alvin being boy sold by parents as repayment.
• TTS pass

Chapter 3:

• Damian can now read and write
• Keith can read and write even better.
• More hidden banter between Keith and Damian to show brother bond.
• Added explanation on why Kyle took over the Seven Snakes instead of the Red Lions or the Ardent Cretins right after reincarnation.
• Added section where Kyle tries to assign his free points.
• Added explanation on why Haui does not mass produce potions.
• Removed Kyle’s ability to read labels on herb crates.
• More description of how Kyle earned the potion inspector title. He briefly touched more than a hundred unique potions.
• TTS pass

Chapter 4:

• Made the gang members smarter.
• Added new gang member who tried to stand up to Kyle when Kyle ordered them around. Got beaten up.
• Reaffirmed that cleanliness and disposition to violence are not correlated.

Chapter 5:

• Improved Banter (subjective)
• Changed timeline of production line setup to ‘a week later’ instead of ‘two days later’ for more realistic implementation.
• Added explanation for why Kyle was not too worried about recipe being leaked.
• Emphasized that the production line being set up was nothing new nor fancy – just unexpected for gang members to be doing.

Chapter 6:

• Increased description of night life
• Added paragraph explaining that mass production is not unique to Raktor with factories around.
• More hesitation from Niko with additional dialogue. Same result.

Chapter 7:

• Grammar fix.
• Changed timeline from ‘three days later…’ to ‘a week later’ for more realistic timeline implementation.
• Added small interaction between Keith and Kyle. Kyle notes that despite training for two weeks, Keith had no noticeable muscle growth, writing him off as a fighter.

Chapter 8:

• Grammar and phrasing fixes.
• Better fight scene, same result.

Chapter 9:

• Clarified why contracts are important in the underworld – agreements between gangs affects reputation.
• Fixed Martial Arts Instructor title bonus to something more tangible.
• Elaborated on Kyle’s thoughts about going full murderhobo and its potential consequences.

Chapter 10:

• Added explanation again on why mass production was not in use by alchemists
• More emphasis on existence of Alchemist Guild

Chapter 11:

• Added more description of the drug addiction. Timeline changed slightly for Riker’s addiction period.

Chapter 12:

• Added slight innuendo to Alvin’s backstory.
• Free points error message appears when trying to assign free points to HP, MP or STA

Chapter 13:

• Inner dialog of Wrent slightly reduced
• Italics fixed to show accurate inner dialog

Chapter 15:

• Added additional section to show that Kyle did not expect Sebastian to visit, but instead expected a visit from the enforcers.
• Added more fear into Keith’s actions and motions.
• Changed Kitana’s title mentioned from Priestess to Inquisitor. Removed surname.
• Added dialogue snipping explaining that the Yual military only intervenes in civil affairs on orders from the Duke in charge or the Emperor.
• Added more dialogue lines about inqui

Chapter 16:

• Removed homeless people shagging drunk girls on the streets due to popular complaints. (honestly, it was based on the scene from Peaky Blinders)
• Added hints of Kregol and Perial interfering in military technology stealing
• Added more lines of dialogue explaining that there is an insider in the military as well.
• Added small detail where Baron Cain’s knights have arctech armour

Chapter 16.5

• New chapter inserted.

Chapter 18:

• Added information of the pub being restored.
• Added details of Kyle having plans for Eric’s crew to be slowly integrated
• Added more character to Damian's character
• Added paragraph where Kyle tells Keith to look for casino locations.

Chapter 28:

• Timeline increased, e.g more time allowed for things to happen.
• As of this chapter it has been close to four months.

Chapter 31 :

• The person being threatened is the owner of the factory, not the manager any longer. Makes more sense that way.
• Reaffirms that the daughter was only kidnapped, not tortured.

Chapter 33:

• No more sham bidding by Kyle, the increase in bid is done by Harrison instead.

Chapter 38:

• Timeline since Keith's rescue is increased to two weeks. More time to train for Damian. Clearer anger on his part
• Explicitly stated Sasha’s surprise at the tenacity of Damian.

Chapter 39:

• Added small hints of Nest recruiting mercenaries in Raktor to fight in Versia.
• Added hint of Proco in black market.

Chapter 40:

• More action lines for the family trapped in the fire, with sm

Chapter 45:

• Explicitly stated timeline since then.
• Changed the antagonist who hired the kidnapping of Reese to be Harrison.

Chapter 54:

• Removed scene where Count Leon captures General Javel and General Xan for recorded execution. Shifted to a later chapter. Original Chapter 55 merged into Chapter 54

Chapter 60:

• Reduced to just the dungeon scene: end of Book 1.

What's Next?

I am now working on Chapters 70 - 120 in order to streamline the Versian Arc, a point where many readers have complained about the non-stop tension and ever increasing stakes. I have attributed it to the fact that this is a normal issue every serialization face: for when the author writes it over two-three months, the reader reads it in a single sitting of a few hours, which means we experience the 'plot' differently.

More importantly, the Versian arc represents a lack of agency on the MC part, which defeats the entire self-insert fantasy that I was aiming for. This is largely due to his inability to access the powerbase that he had worked so hard for in the first sixty chapters. I plan to modify the Versian arc to create more agency for Kyle and a better chance.

Initially I had designed events to occur such that Kyle would inevitably lose to Nest and the Wardens at least once. Failure is the mother of success, after all, but such events actually cause readers to doubt where the book is going, which leads to specific outbreaks such as this on other websites:

My greatest problem with the story is the pacing. It feels so rushed is vertigo-inducing. The MC has no chance to adapt and author just keep throwing bigger and more insane problems that the protagonist obviously cannot conceivably resolve.

Like, okay let's start from the weakest and shittiest gang, starting to fight with a middle-sized gang, just to f#cking throw him in a conflict agains the corrupt goverment officials and the largest gangs in the city, just to MC meddling in the middle of a f#cking war between two countries to (in the goddamn beggining of the war) make him face reincarnators robot-aliens Illuminati.

I understand that the reader read the entire 130 chapters in approximately two hours based on his comments, so the pacing is definitely unfair to binge readers who are used to meandering CN s. I aim to make the pacing much more paltable, with more side stories of the Seven Snakes back in Raktor to reduce the sinking feeling of helplessness that readers of Kyle faces, especially when he fights against Soren and Rayner. I believe the failure/losses/draws make Kyle a stronger person, and adds more relevancy to the enemies.

I aim to also do proper buildup of antagonists against Kyle, with Harrison now getting far more screentime than he previously had. By setting the enemy into key characters, it makes it easier for the reader to stay invested rather than feel like he is fighting against a overpowering force.

The war is also going to be redone to be far more realistic. I have been spending time researching the wars of the victorian era. You may find my research material on my discord as well (I have close to a hundred research papers and non-fiction books on crime, smuggling, war smuggling and so on.)

I will also lengthen the stay of Kyle in Tenar, which I felt was far too short. This way we can still see Kyle perform his usual criminal actions, but in a new environment with new rules.

Thank you all for reading again, and I hope you enjoy the updated Book 1 as much as I did. The Amazon release next year is my make or break for this fiction, and will be working hard in the next eleven months to make the story the best I can.

If you have any suggestions, complaints, grievances about the Chapters thus far from Chapter 70 to 140, please let me know so I can implement changes if reasonable.