Chapter 100: A Good Smiting
"You actually spoke with the Dragonlord!?" Lollyp's fists grab onto the edges of her wizard hat, practically pulling it down over her pliable head. "Oh gods, we've pissed off the Dragonlord! I should've known this was gonna happen!"
"Easy, Lolly Pop, easy! I don't think we've pissed them off yet." Xenia forces a smile to her face as she attempts to calm her friend. "We're on thin ice, maybe, but it kinda sounded like we actually have permission to keep digging up the old place! All we gotta do is uh, pass some sort of test. Probably involving killing people."
Lollyp nods, her eyes locked on Xenia. "Right, okay, cool. Just gotta pass a test. Should we like...prepare, or something?"
Xenia thinks it over for a moment. "Well, I don't think we can get a whole new floor up and running before this hits, probably, but I'd still like to have the option to start working on one. Sincere, how do you think this non-raid affected the floor core stability, or whatever?"
The demon shrugs. "Possibly not at all, but if we want to be entirely safe we could perhaps delay until tomorrow night. In any case, it sounds as if we may be a little distracted tonight, and perhaps not in the best state of mind for an assault at just this current moment."
"Alright, that's cool. Raid delayed to tomorrow then, in the meanwhile, we'll start brainstorming ideas on how to kick the ass of a Domain dungeon delving team. Which, okay, the last one completely stomped all over me, but we've grown a lot since then. Plus, now we've got you on our side, Lolly Pop! Our inside woman! Any tips on how we ought to prepare?"
The slime seems to withdraw into thought for a minute, in a very physical sense, her limbs practically pulling back into her body as she takes a more blob-like form on her chair. "Right, right...well, if this is going to be a heavy hitter team, you can expect fewer slimes and more draconics. And that's a problem."
Xenia furrows her brow. "How so?"
"Cause draconics can fly, and that beats both the cliff and the river on Floor Four, and Floor Four is our best shot at beating a high-level team. If any come, we'll either want to focus on taking them out before they get that far, or have something ready to make sure they can't cheat."
Her boss smiles as she gives Lollyp a reassuring pat on the shoulder. "Now see, that's exactly the kind of pro-tips we need to ace this test! Alright everyone, do some brainstorming, and then tomorrow night, back here for try two!"
The next day was fairly mundane with two low-tier teams attempting the dungeon, and only one of them staying long enough to acquire the bonus items from Floor Five. That left Xenia and her bosses plenty of time to do some testing and theory-crafting, and by time they regathered in the core chamber that evening they were all feeling much calmer. In a way they perhaps felt even more driven than before, now that they had a more specific need to continue expanding, and when Xenia once again triggered her curse it was with a grin on her face.
That grin was replaced by a look more resembling one of confusion when her senses returned to her and she found herself standing atop a mountain, not far from a massive marble temple. "Whoa! Chilly...air's a bit thin, too. No Dragonlord interception though, so I'm taking that as a huge bonus. When was this, though..." She looks down at herself and finds her form garbed in black, and strapped with dozens of throwing knives. A lock of hair crosses her face, a light blonde with streaks of black dye.
"Oooooh, right! This was my Rogue phase! Xenia of Tallahassee, Fastest Blade in the South!" She pulls a blade from its sheath and twirls it a few times before sliding it back in place. Looking around the mountain temple, the memories begin to return to her. "And this is...ah, yeah! The Temple of the Highest Sky!" As she gazes across the structure with its massive stone pillars and statues resembling divine figures, a man steps out. Brown-skinned and dark-haired, he has an appearance Xenia would have described as being Hispanic were this on Earth, and his loosely-hanging robe easily reveals his chiseled chest. "And that there's Elaro, God of the Sky and Other Various Things Which Do Not Touch The Ground!"
As one more memory returns to her, Xenia's smile fades away. "...And this was the first time I got smited. Or, fuck, was it the second? I forget the order, now. Uh, okay...let's try and make this go a little smoother this time around..."
When Xenia eventually approaches speaking distance, Elaro gives her a slight nod in welcome. "Congratulations, Xenia of Tallahassee. You alone have completed the Divine Challenges set before you, allowing you access to this temple, and the request of a single wish which...wait." The god's eyes narrow, and Xenia finds herself growing a little nervous. As far as she remembers it, Elaro didn't start getting hostile until after she wished for a tour of his bedchambers.
"Uh...something wrong, your divinity?"
Elaro fixes her with a stare, and then sighs. "This isn't real, is it?"
Eyes widening a little in surprise, Xenia stammers a bit in reply. "Uh, of course it is! ...Okay, no, kind of not. How'd you know?"
The god stares at the back of his hand for a while before responding. "I may only be a replica of a god, but I am still a replica of a God. I wouldn't be much of one if I couldn't recognize a pocket dimension when I was in one. Mind telling me what we're doing here?"
"Ah, right, well, long story! Short version is, I'm doing some pocket dimension magic that uses my soul, and in the process I gotta re-live an important emotional moment from my past before I can get to where I'm going. Or so I'm told, I'm not the expert."
The man nods, seemingly satisfied by the answer. "That does make sense. Obviously meeting a god in the flesh would be an important moment in your life."
"Yeah, totally! Although it was mostly the case because this meeting lasted about ten minutes before you fried me with a lightning bolt."
Once again, the god's eyes narrow. "And why would I do that?"
Xenia grimaces, hoping she didn't just make a mistake. "Well, I uh...kinda wished for, you know..." Blushing slightly, she gestures at Elaro and his ridiculously masculine divine form.
"...I see. And obviously I took offense. A god of my stature would never wish to gain a reputation for consorting with mortals, champions or no."
Xenia nods along, hoping to stay conciliatory. "Oh, yeah, I totally get that now! My mistake."
"And of course, that sort of thing leads to demigods. And that's the last thing anyone wants, rampant demigods running around the mortal plane."
"Completely. Extremely bad for everyone."
Elaro nods, but then seems to spend a while in thought as he studies the woman before him. "...Of course, I am not real, and so I have no reputation to speak of."
Xenia hesitates slightly before answering, unsure where this is going now. "...That's true?"
"...And there would be no risk of demigod progeny either, for that matter."
"...Very true! Couldn't get knocked up these days if I tried!"
The two stare at each other for a moment of thoughtful silence.
"- GODS FUCK YEESSSSSSSS, ahhhhhhh!"
As the party re-appears in the recreation of the old Great Dungeon, Lollyp turns in a panic towards her screaming boss. "Xenia!? What happened to you this - XENIA! What happened to your pants!?" While the floor bosses look on rather awkwardly, their leader takes a moment to lie face-down on the floor for a while and twitch.
"Ahhh, Lolly Pop, Momma got her ruins smote upon the mountainside..."
"What does that mean - no, nevermind, don't wanna know. ...Okay, kinda want to know, but later. But - lethal dungeon! Pants on, please!"
"Right, right." The woman groans as she reaches for said item of clothing, fortunately finding it still clinging to one ankle. "...Fuck, where's my other boot? Anyone see a boot anywhere?"
"I'M AFRAID YOU MAY HAVE LEFT IT BEHIND ALONG WITH YOUR DIGNITY." Although DEATH's tone remains even, Xenia can't escape the feeling of being laughed at.
"Can't lose what you never had, Big D. Alright, fine, fine, I only need one boot to kick ass. Now - where are we?" Finally standing up straight and looking around, Xenia takes note of the fact that despite the room looking much the same as the first floor they conquered, this time there's no monsters charging in to slaughter them. "Correction. Where's everyone else? No welcoming committee this time?"
Sincere offers a suggestion, hoping to clear his mind of the sight he just witnessed. "As I recall, our last visit suggested that Great Dungeon floors were highly specialized, with some focusing on monsters and others on traps. Perhaps this floor is one of the latter?"
"Good point. Well, my Rogue skills are a little rusty, but as I was recently reminded, I have done a bit of that in my time. Gonna be kind of weird having a whole team if there's no combat to do, though. Guess we'll see?" Keeping her sword sheathed but filling one of her hands with a throwing knife, Xenia slowly begins to creep forward, scanning the floor as she approaches the door on the opposite wall. The rest of the team follows more or less in her footsteps, and reaches the far side safely. Before opening the door itself Xenia begins to tap it with her blade before frowning.
"Right, shit, back in my Rogue days I had actual spells for detecting traps. Non-divine ones, so they don't work over here. Well, there's no obvious tripwires or latches or anything. ...DEATH, want to take this one?"
DEATH sighs before moving up to open the door. "IN DEATH I SERVE, MISTRESS." With a bony hand he pulls on the metal ring serving as a doorknob, and pulls it open without incident. "I REMAIN INTACT, IF NOT ALIVE."
"Thanks, Big D! Alright, moving on..." When entering the next room Xenia finds that her trap-detecting skills are entirely unneeded, as the defenses here seem extremely obvious. Several grids of brightly-colored string crisscross the room, with a red set around ankle level, a yellow one around thigh height, and finally a green grid at around Xenia's waist. As she inspects the nearest strand however, she realizes that it's not string - it's slime. "Oh, dang! This is a lot like the slime webs our spiders make, except...way more rigid, I guess? There's no way you'd get a strand of that to cover a room without drooping to the floor."
Lollyp moves forward to take a look herself. "Yeah, it kind of looks like slime, but it's gotta be mixed with something else, it's way too firm. ...Weird choice to spend effort on though. If you just want tripwires, why not just use wires?"
Xenia takes a moment to analyze the grid as well as her team. "...Hrmm. I bet I could get across without touching any, and of course Lollyp's the flex-master. Dunno about you, Sin-man, but...Big D, do you even have like...knees? Could you step over one of these? I never see you walk like a normal dude, man, you just kinda float everywhere."
DEATH snorts at the question. "HAVE YOU FORGOTTEN THAT I AM PART RABBIT, MISTRESS? WERE IT NOT FOR THE LOW CEILING, I COULD SIMPLY LEAP ACROSS. ...GIVEN THE ACTUAL CEILING HEIGHT HOWEVER, THERE MAY BE AN ISSUE. I DO NOT BELIEVE I HAVE THE PRECISION REQUIRED FOR SHORT HOPS TO TAKE ME ACROSS WITHOUT COMING INTO CONTACT."
"Right. Well, if we can't dodge, preemptive triggering's probably the way to go, then. Everyone step back outside, lemme try a few things." Once the room is clear, she starts off by throwing her dagger at a distant red strand. To her surprise the blade simply bounces off without apparently damaging the slime-wire at all, but also without triggering any sort of trap. The wire jiggles for a few moments, then goes still. "Huh. Okay, maybe they need a little more force to cut through."
For her next attempt Xenia draws her sword before swinging it downward at a nearby string, ready to duck back the moment something goes wrong. Unfortunately, it reacts in a way rather differently than what she could have expected. Once again the wire doesn't cut, but after being knocked an inch out of place the entire red-colored grid suddenly snaps out of its anchor points, retracting towards the spot where it was struck from across the room. To her credit Xenia does manage to dodge the first few wires that come her way, but when one latches onto her sword and yanks her arm to one side, her attempts significantly lose their effectiveness. By time the wires have ceased their movement the woman is wrapped up in at least half a dozen of the thin strands, still allowing her motion in one arm but tying her legs together and sending her crashing to the ground.
As Xenia glares at the room, Lollyp sneaks forward with a smirk on her face. "What's up, Xen? A little...tied up tonight, are you?"