The Broken Prince's Love

Cedar had to admit that it had been a while since he had felt so miserable. No matter how many rounds he had run or how often he had swung his sword, his mood didn't get better. He had even dueled some royal guards. That had only frustrated him more since he was so unconcentrated and still won each time.

In the end, he had given up on training and just allowed himself to sit around for a moment. He had chosen the one spot that was empty for now. He had to admit that the labyrinth might have been a better option, but for now, he was happy with the winter garden. Cedar had already sat on a chair on the tiled terrace while resting his head on the table for at least an hour. Thankfully, no one had disturbed him in the meantime.

Cedar was relieved that no gardener had seen him in this state, but that didn't raise his general mood either. He felt stupid while sitting there. He hadn't trained as much as he wanted to, and the hours he had spent practicing hadn't satisfied him in any way. He hadn't been able to work much during the past few days either. Theodore had refused to give him any tasks, and there were only so many contracts Cedar could write without help or books from the office. So, he had been rather useless for three days already.

Cedar blankly stared straight ahead and scanned the flowers that were growing in a small pot hung on a pillar. Unfortunately, the ones he liked most, the red ones, weren't blooming at the moment. Certainly, the other flowers were pretty as well, but they couldn't compare. Cedar lowered his gaze to the small flower that was lying on the table. He picked it up and held it between his fingers while trying to push away his memories.

He didn't need to remember how he had put a flower into Lucille's hair. He also didn't need to remember how she had told him that she liked him here. He had accepted it back then, but maybe he should have thought about it twice before just doing what he wanted to despite having used Lucille before. He should have addressed this very issue back then already, and maybe the situation wouldn't have gotten so ugly then. But it was too late to feel sad about that.

Now he had messed up and was in this pathetic state.

Cedar stared at the flower between his hands and slowly pulled off one petal while trying not to think about anything else. He had been so lethargic for a few days already, and this wasn't good. It didn't help Lucille either. So, he should just pull himself together and return to his normal schedule. The only problem was that a big part of that had been connected to spending time with Lucille, which he couldn't do now. So, he was back at the beginning.

Maybe he should just go to Lucille to apologize now. That thought had come to him a few times already. He had seriously considered it once or twice, but the same idea always held him back. Lucille was mad at him right now. If he tried to talk to her too quickly, she would only get even more upset. So, Cedar had to give her some time to calm down before he went to see her.

By now, he wasn't even denying that he would apologize at some point anymore. Surely, he had thought about leaving the decision to Lucille before, but at the moment, he felt like everything hurt just because he couldn't see her. He wouldn't be able to go like that for much longer. As expected, he had grown too attached already. He wanted to talk to her again, and then he could probably find a way to convince her that she could at least spend time with him in the future. He had apologized so often in his life that he knew how to do it properly, so there shouldn't be an issue. Cedar was prepared to beg for her forgiveness a few times if it became necessary. He would find a way to get her to stop being mad. He had to.

But he should wait a week at least. That was four more days without Lucille after the first three had almost defeated him already.

That certainly wouldn't be hard on him at all.

Cedar slowly crushed a flower petal between his fingers while trying to come up with a way to distract himself for the next few days. Maybe he could ask Owen Maillont, the strongest knight around here, for a duel. That would force him to put in some effort. But losing would probably not raise his mood, so doing that was a risky idea too. Especially since Owen had to stay with the empress at all times. So, that wouldn't work out.

Most likely, the next few days would consist of nothing special happening while he sat around and whined. Great. Cedar groaned and closed his eyes. He needed to do something about his thoughts, or his head would kill him. Maybe he should get some complicated book from the library and read it. Or he could go through the constitution again to confirm whether he still had it memorized. That would take a while, and then he could be sure that he would be busy for a few days since there were quite a few books. Or he could-

The prince was interrupted in the middle of his thoughts when a noise sounded through the winter garden. It had been quiet, but he had heard it.

Someone had opened the door.

Cedar's first instinct was to hope for Lucille, but he scolded himself for that immediately. This was someone else, and that certainly wasn't good for him. He almost sighed and just held back because he didn't want to show that person that he was upset. Hopefully, this was a servant who would leave as soon as they saw the prince. He hoped for that and was disappointed when he made eye contact.

It was Blanche.

Cedar's eyes immediately wandered around as he scanned the entrance. Normally, Lucille accompanied Blanche, but today, it was different. He wasn't sure whether to be happy about that or whether he should sulk. It was an annoying feeling that made him beam brightly despite knowing that the empress could read his emotions for some reason.

Blanche certainly knew that he was upset. And yet, she didn't leave nor did she seem surprised to see him here. That meant that she had probably heard that the prince was in the winter garden from some servants. The only question was why she would come here because of that. As usual, the empress was dressed up as if she planned to go to a ball and was followed by her three trusted maids and two guards. She gestured to them to wait by the door though and was the only one that came inside before she closed the door behind her. So, she wanted a conversation.

Normally, that would have been confusing enough thanks to her sudden changed personality, but it would have been endurable.

Now Cedar wasn't sure whether he could manage. He didn't want to talk to anyone except for Lucille. For the past days, he had probably spoken as little as never before. He had barely even talked to the servants, and he certainly had no desire to discuss anything with the empress now. He fought the urge to let his head drop to the table and kept his posture straight while smiling at her. Maybe that would be enough to show her that he wanted to be left alone.

Either Blanche didn't get the message, or she just didn't care. She walked toward the table and stopped next to him. “Good afternoon, Cedar.” At least she didn't ask how he was doing.

Cedar greeted her in a manner that he hoped to resemble his normal way of speaking. “I wish you a wonderful afternoon as well. I hope that you have been well. What leads you here?” Even that question was stupid when this was her winter garden, which Cedar just used to calm down without asking her.

Blanche probably understood that he didn't want to talk, but she pulled back the chair next to him and sat down. She remained silent for a few seconds before speaking. “Whether I am well is not as important. To me, it seems much more crucial to talk about how you are feeling.”

There wasn't much to talk about. Cedar felt miserable. He doubted that the empress could help him much here. After all, this issue only concerned him and Lucille. So, he wouldn't even address it. “Theodore didn't throw me out of the palace, so I guess that I am fine. I'm a bit concerned about him just accepting this whole story instead of distrusting me. But for him, being this trusting seems to have worked out, so I won't complain.” He was glad that his brother hadn't arrested him after he had sent that first letter to contact his mother. He should be thankful for that instead of worrying about why Theodore wasn't more protective of his family.

Blanche leaned against the backrest of her chair. She watched Cedar for a moment before she replied. “He's been keeping an eye on you for a long time now. He would have noticed if you had ill intentions. Or maybe he wouldn't have noticed. Who knows? But either way, he believes that you wouldn't stab us in the back like that. I agree, and it seems that we were right. In the beginning, we just wanted to believe in you, and then you gave us proof after proof why this was a good idea. Theo and I spoke about all of this after Leon told us about your conversation with that woman. At that point, we could be completely sure. And now we know that you are on our side more than ever before. You wouldn't have been so open about this otherwise.”

Cedar didn't bother pointing out that all of this could be an elaborate plot with multiple layers to gain Theodore's trust. He could have so many chances to fool everyone here, and that they believed in him nonetheless was more than stupid. “I see. At least I can be sure that I will not get arrested then. Did Mother cause any more problems?”

Blanche scanned his face for a few seconds before replying. “Of course, you won't get arrested. You didn't do anything wrong. At least not during the past year. And there is no need to talk about that woman now.” So, Camille had caused trouble, hadn't she? But Blanche didn't even leave a split second of a break before addressing him again. “What matters is speaking about Lucille.”

Cedar would have liked to avoid that conversation so badly, but he doubted that he could win against the stubborn empress here. He gave in while voicing his true opinion. “There is not much to talk about. Lucille is upset about me lying to her, which is understandable. I would have been surprised if she wasn't angry, so I can't say that I didn't expect this. I can't change the past, so it was obvious that this would happen at some point. There is no need to concern yourself with that. We will...deal it with somehow.” Hopefully, the result they came up with would be something he could live with.

The prince's words had definitely hinted at him wanting his privacy here, but Blanche didn't make any move to stand up nor did she drop the subject. She kept staring at him while she replied. “I believe that you will deal with it. But I know that you are rather...uncertain when it comes to making up after a fight. In this case, you two didn't even fight for real. You just had a slight misunderstanding regarding the past.”

“I am uncertain whether it is helpful for you to understate it. It wasn't just a misunderstanding. It was me using her as a part of a plot to commit treason. No one would be happy about that. So, I understand that she is mad at me.”

Blanche rested her chin on her palm while resting her elbow on the table, squishing her cheek in the process. Her posture wasn't very ladylike, and for Cedar's taste, she was a bit too relaxed around him, but Blanche wouldn't care even if he told her that. She just seemed to read all of his emotions off his face and addressed what he was sensitive to. “But are you fine with it? With her being mad, I mean. You probably aren't happy about that.”

He wasn't happy at all. That was why Cedar was sitting here like a picture of misery and felt like crying the whole time. Certainly, she could see that too, so asking was unnecessary. Cedar replied while beaming at her. “As I said, I understand why she is angry. I used her to my advantage and even read about her to make sure that I could convince her that our parents are similar. It was a surprise when she pointed that out before I could even hint at it.”

To be honest, he had been shocked when Lucille had taken him in without him needing to manipulate her in any way. And even after that, maintaining her sympathy had been easy. It had barely been necessary for him to lie while talking to her, and the only thing he had needed to do was tell her that his mother was a horrible person. So, he hadn't fooled Lucille completely.

Still, he had researched a young woman while trying to find weak spots that would allow him to control her if he did end up being found at the Valerian estate.

Blanche let out a quiet hum before she replied. “You didn't answer my question. To some extent, I understand her being affected by this too. I don't think she really is upset though. She is more shocked. She needed to process this, and now it should be fine. She never doubted that you do care about her.”

Lucille had doubted that.

This was the main reason that Cedar felt horrible now. He had thought that he had done well in expressing his feelings for her despite his obvious lack of good examples. But apparently, he hadn't even managed to show Lucille that he cared about her. That made it hard for him to justify asking her to stay with him for the rest of their lives. Cedar didn't say any of that and just addressed the one thing Blanche had denied. “Of course, she is mad. I fooled her for months, so-”

Blanche cut him off with a gentle shush. “Stop saying that. You are trying to think for her again. You don't know what she is feeling but just assume the worst. You always do that when it comes to other people.” She seemed a bit distracted for a moment. “That's why it's always so hard to convince you that someone cares about you.” She almost looked like she pouted for a moment before she met the prince's gaze again and spoke to him. “You shouldn't try to guess what others are feeling. In the past, you might have been forced to do that because of that hysteric witch that raised you. But now you should worry about what you want first and foremost. And be a bit more confident when it comes to people who like you. Don't just convince yourself that no one cares when there are so many that do. Lucille loves you. Theodore and I care about you as well. Of course, your aunt and cousin do too. And Aurora and Rebecca will adore you once they are old enough to identify people too.” Hearing that from her was strange. Blanche had hated Cedar for so long, and even if she had acted differently for a while now, he couldn't get used to it.

The prince scanned her with skepticism, which he covered up with his usual bright smile. He replied as soon as she stopped speaking. “But aren't you making assumptions about others' feelings often too? You said that Lucille wasn't angry when she clearly is.”

Blanche raised her chin and responded with utmost confidence. “Did you see her during the past few days? I did see her. And I can tell you that she isn't angry in the slightest. She is sad. And I am pretty sure that this is mainly because you didn't visit her. She wants to talk to you, but that you avoid her makes her think that you don't want to meet. Obviously, that's not it. The both of you wish to talk but misunderstand the other one not approaching you. That is troubling. So, I need to ask you something. Can you imagine a life without Lucille?” What kind of question was that?

Cedar tried to ignore how his heart skipped a beat when he heard that his lover wanted to have a conversation. He would have liked to seem indifferent while responding, but he probably sounded too serious when his response came without hesitation. “No. Not anymore.”

Blanche seemed content with that. She showed him a bright smile. “Good. You admitted it. Then you only have to act on it now. If you didn't care for Lucille, you could have sat by without doing anything. But if you care, you have to talk to her. You need to discuss what worries you since that plot itself surely wasn't what bothered you most. You both are upset about something completely different, which, in fact, is just based on a misunderstanding.” She was making many assumptions right now. It was almost like she believed that she knew what Cedar and Lucille felt like.

It was infuriating. And yet, Cedar couldn't help but listen. He had never been good with feelings, so getting support from someone else could just be an advantage.

And believing that Lucille wouldn't hate him now was certainly a nice thought too.