Stygian Mage

So, I wanted to get some feedback about the writing style. I got a couple comments for the chapter I just posted today[on RR], they said it was jarring. And that they couldnt complete it. Give me your opinions on it please. I was trying to adapt the parataxing method. It eliminates all the conjuctions aside from 'but', 'and', 'yet'. The sentences feel broken with this, but its supposed to be a stronger way of writing. As I was trying to improve in the last month or so, I unknowingly adopted Hemmingway's style--he used a lot parataxing.
The sentences I wrote were supposed to be blocks of information, intended to give just enough info to keep the scene flowing in mind. 

Maybe I couldnt do it properly or something? I hope you guys give me some feedback. The comments kinda crushed my spirit since I was under the impression I was improving. Is it the same for you all? Should I revert to my previous style? Though, I dont know if I'll be able to. I changed my last style because it was getting tedious for me. It hindered me from giving more details to the story. Cuz I had to make the sentences flow, I couldnt fit all the details in.

I'll add a poll in here. Hope you guys vote.