Side Note

It's me, the unluckiest of all the shadow clones, Shadow Clone Number 13… although, recently, I haven't been the only shadow clone hit by bad luck. 22 is still stuck with her crummy babysitting job even after they returned from the other world, 300 is still stuck in that weird gladiatorial arena, and 91 recently got an allergy to pineapples. I have no idea how a shadow clone gets an allergy, but apparently, it's a thing. Oh yeah, the world is ending, which I guess counts as bad luck for the shadow clones… at least those outside the Shadowrealm. I'd go back, but I'm stuck at Grandma's house. It's safer than Mendass, though, since it's on a world called Earth… apparently, Physical Madeleine is here, somewhere.

Well, it's technically great-grandma's house, but I haven't met her yet, since she's in a meeting, so it's grandma's house to me. Why am I here? I just so happened to be the first shadow clone she bumped into. The house is quite nice, and I've met some of grandma's sisters and her partners… they're weird, though.

I got introduced to them at the dinner table, where grandma chose to scare them by grabbing out a pair of eyeballs in a jar that she apparently stole from whatever a "bunnygirl slash noir slash Lovecraft hybrid" is. The grand-aunts were sort of creeped out by it but then returned to eating as if grandma pulls this stuff off constantly. By the way, when I looked into the eyes, I got this:

I like my grand-aunt May the most, she's fun, and her name reminds me of Mayfield. The others… well, the maid is a bit too lustful for my tastes, the merchant keeps trying to sell things to me, and one of the grand-aunts really likes breaking vases. Really pretty vases, by the way. Grandma seems to really enjoy messing with all of them.

Oh yeah, I also met grandma's harem, and man, she really went for what Darky would call cliche. A demon lord (Not a Demon Lord like on Mendass, just a normal demon lord from any other world), a hero, the leader of the Mafia, a legendary martial artist, and Physical Madeleine's mother, who is really scary when up close.

Anyways, I'm at a bowling alley with just grandma, and let me tell you, I hate this whole bowling thing. I can throw a dagger just fine, I can kick the head of three targets in one jump, and I can even knit two scarves, but this whole bowling ball thing, I don't get it. That and my luck. I feel like it's even worse than usual. I've only hit two pins on my lane after ten throws. How is that possible? Let me explain.

Throw one, I didn't understand and let go too late, throwing it into the roof. Throw two, I let it go too early and dropped it into my shadow. Throw three, the weird sweeping thing came down too early. Throw four, the weird sweeping thing went up too late. Throw five, my ball did a weird spin and somehow went airborne, landing in the lane next to us. 

Throw six, grandma sneezed, accidentally creating a magic dagger that flew straight at my ball. Throw seven, I sneezed somehow, accidentally creating a wall of magic daggers that flew right into my ball, completely destroying it. Throw eight, a bird somehow got inside and stole the bowling ball. Throw nine, one of grandma's friends teleported on the lane, right in front of my bowling. Lastly, throw ten… the gutters went down. 

I only managed to knock down two of the pins because, on the seventh throw, two of my daggers flew at the pins. So yeah, I hate this bowling thing. I also have no idea why I'm here… maybe I should ask grandma. Thanks to grandma's Darkness domain, she can freely talk to me, which is very helpful.

Hey grandma, why am I here?

"Hmm… I'm holding your partner hostage."

I don't have a partner.

"Your dog, then."

Don't have a dog either.

"Then it's because you and I want an incestuous relationship."

Wait, really?

"No, not really. I'm not like your grand-aunt Elizabeth."

So why am I here?

"Because family members hang out, obviously."

Really?

"Does Maddy not hang out with you guys? At least Mel should, right? She's clearly the responsible parent."

Uh… no.

"Yeesh. Maybe I should plan a family barbeque or something… I'm not allowed to plan family barbeques."

Why?

"There's a bunch of cats on Mars because of the last family barbeque I planned."

What's Mars?"

"A chocolate bar."

Oh.

I guess that answers my question of why I'm here… when was Madeleine last in the Shadowrealm? Actually… has she spoken to us? I know she hasn't spoken to me, but that's more so my luck… but… hmm… am I actually part of a terrible family?

"Oh hell yeah, this family is fucking terrible when you think about it."

Really?

"Yeah. Did you know one of my sisters used to be imprisoned on one of Jupiter's moons because she destroyed an entire country?"

Woah… that's wild.

"She's calmed down, though. She only destroys vases nowadays."

I'd like to destroy some vases.

"Me too, kid. Me too."

Character profile: [REDACTED]

Sacred power: Creation

Reason for redaction: Mara is petty.

Description: [REDACTED]

Chapter namesake: Grandmother by Hotel Ugly

pojlk

I felt like writing a chapter that just really felt like filler.