Side Note

To the windoooooow! To the wall! To the windoooooow! To the wall! To the windoo- FUCK!! I braked too late… my head hurts. This Earth glass sure is harder than Mendass glass. Mendass glass is like a trading economy in a goblin village. It'll collapse under any amount of pressure. This glass, however, I probably still could break easily. Not as easily as Mendass glass, though. 

Why am I running to the window and then to the wall? I am bored. So, so bored. I've been stuck in this hotel room for a whopping 45 minutes. I've done everything I could think of doing. I destroyed a laptop by using the Sacred Power of every Sacred Power holder in my Shadowrealm that I remembered about, watched three minutes of television, and even wrestled this so-called "Room Service", which, as a maid, I found incredibly lacking. It's why I wrestled him when he came over. The tea he served was terrible and I could've done a better job blindfolded, deaf, and with a huge wound in my stomach. In fact, I've already done that.

I'm stuck to staying in the hotel for three different reasons, one each from Myka, Lina, and Mel. Myka's reasoning is that maids don't walk around Las Vegas casually, but I can clearly see a maid with a very provocative dress down there, out the window. Or is that just a weirdly dressed prostitute? Do they have prostitutes here? Can I kidnap one? I've always wanted to turn a prostitute into a maid, but Rio's head maid kept saying no. Understandable, though, since half the prostitutes in Hamblin were also serial killers. 

Lina's reasoning is that I seem like the kind of person who'd get a bit too addicted to gambling, which is fair. After the last time someone asked me to gamble for them, they ended up in crippling debt and got assassinated. That was caused by both me not stopping (I really liked the way the cards looked) and the casino very clearly cheating. I mean, come on, they thought they were quick with their hands, but it was so slow. I didn't call them out on it, though. The only cheating I don't condone is cheating in a relationship and cheating in Go Fish.

Mel's reasoning was that it'd be better if I stayed inside with her. I said yes.

Mel walked over to me, checking my head. "I know you're insane and an idiot, but I didn't strike you as clumsy."

"I thought I could break the window with a headbutt."

"We're on the fifth floor. You'd die."

"No, I wouldn't."

Mel opened her mouth to argue but said nothing. She thought for a minute, her eyes turning to the roof before she turned back to me. "You're right. That wouldn't kill you." She walked over to the window, looking out. "Huh. That explains why Myka gave you that present and also why we're on Earth. I thought it was just the usual Las Vegas lights, but there's more added on."

"Why?"

"Christmas."

"Krimah?"

"Christmas. Something that doesn't exist in Mendass… I think. It probably exists in the RO territories."

"What does it have to do with anything?"

"Nothing, really. Does make for great special chapters." Mel walked over to the table in our room. The room didn't have a table, so we brought out our special table because we still had it. The tablemaker made sure it was bonded to our souls… somehow. "Sit down, Madeleine. It's clear we'll be allowed to just relax right now."

"Sure." I took a seat opposite Mel. Now that I think about it, this might be the first time in a while where we could just sit down. "So… what now?"

"You give me the gift, we react to it because Myka put funny shit in it, then we cut this whole thing short because I want a conversation with you for my sake, not someone else's. After all, I'm happy with just you."

"Aww… that's sweet."

"Heh. I could even reference a Christmas song to make this cheesy."

"Mmm… cheese."

"But I won't. Hand over the present, please."

"Aye aye, captain!" I grabbed out the present, placing it on the table.

"So, any guesses? My guess is that she put a naked picture of you in it. I know she has a couple."

"Naked pictures of me? I'll have to ask how many she has."

"Why?"

"So I can buy one."

"Why do you want to buy one? You don't strike me as narcissistic."

"Buying a picture of my naked self has been something on my bucket list."

"What a terrifying bucket list."

"I know."

"And what's your guess?"

"Hmm… a naked picture of Myka."

"That does sound like something she'd do… actually, since it's a present to me, it'd be a naked picture of her and Lina."

"Why would she be naked with Lina?"
"Umm… I choose not to elaborate."

"Oh, okay."

"Well then, I'm going to open this… actually, no." She pushed the present towards me. "I want you to open then give it to me. If I make it seem like you're the one giving it and it wasn't Myka. That'd be better for my heart, regardless of what the present is."

"Got it." I unwrapped the present, then opened the box, pulling out a… weird, pink toy?

I was confused, but Mel seemed slightly angry. She stood up, then with a feral-sounding voice, yelled out, "MYYYYYYKKKKAAAAAA!!!!"

Meanwhile, in the Court of the Crimson King

"Time for some me time. I know Sasha can watch through her golems, but I don't… care? Where the fuck is my massager?!"

Item profile: Rika Kaneyama's Special Toy

Sacred power: Vibrate

Maker: The Golemancer

Description: A golem created in the shape of a massager, with the function of one. Look, when you're the reluctant leader of an organisation filled to the brim with cringy weebs, clueless teenagers, and sex-obsessed creeps, you'd need something to relieve your shoulders from all the carrying you'll have to do. Especially if it was supposed to be your holiday.

Chapter namesake: All I Want For Christmas Is You by Mariah Carey

pojlk

If I had gone ahead with the whole 1000 chapter thing, a funny joke I was planning to do was calling a chapter "Last Christmas", then have that chapter be an exact copy of a previous Christmas chapter. Well, that's a joke I can't do now, which is why I'm sharing it here. Merry Christmas guys.