LIGHTNOVELONLINE Terrans and you: How to live and interact with the mad primates of Terra
Terrans and you: How to live and interact with the mad primates of Terra
An informational packet by the Terran Conclave diplomatic team, which is available at all Terran embassies. If you are to be interacting with Terrans it is suggested to read and understand this document in order to reduce potential issues.
Chapter 1: Introduction.
Terrans are not a special race. We don’t exhibit anything outside the bounds of most species. We do not explode, we are not vengeful eldritch gods, and we are not super-strong killing machines; no matter what rumours may be flying around. Our most notable traits are our desire to try anything, and a tendency to over-exaggerate.
Terrans come in three varieties: Humans, the classic bipedal primate you should be aware of. Uplifts, who are a variety of Earth native pets who have been genetically uplifted to sapience. Finally, we have AI or our ‘digital citizens’. It should be noted that all are considered equal citizens in the eyes of the Terran Conclave, and suggesting otherwise can cause great offence.
A note should be made regarding our AI citizens. We are fully aware of the incorrect theory that all AI will become genocidal. However, all Terran AI citizens are perfectly safe and should be considered just like any other person, unlimited in their movements and access. We solved this ‘problem’ by treating our AI friends with friendship and kindness. It is the official opinion of the Terran embassy that the fact that we are the only ones to have worked this out is 'concerning'.
Equally concerning is the laughable idea of “Deathworlds” or “Deathworlders” that certain species have. “Earth” (Or Terra, as everyone’s home planet translates to ‘Earth’) is known by some classifications to be more dangerous than average, with more variable seasons being caused by a severe axial tilt, a more competitive biological environment than most, and a higher than average level of radiation. Some species and cultures place a special “mythos” on such a classification.
It is the opinion of the Terran Embassy that these definitions are… stupid; every non-native world is a deathworld to the wrong species.
However, this has caused a major issue surrounding various species believing Terrans to be ‘indestructible’. This, in addition to a major push to ensure all Citizens on Terran Conclave planets have access to medical care within 5 minutes at all times, has created a situation where the risk assessment of dangers by both Terrans and non-Terrans has been skewed to more risky behaviours causing destruction and injury for both parties.
You can generally dissuade such actions through the implementation of ‘negative action reinforcement procedures’: Such as spraying the Terran with a spray bottle filled with water or hitting them lightly with a rolled-up newspaper while sternly saying the word ‘No’. However, it is very important that non-Terrans don’t ‘egg on’ this behaviour through the exploring of the sillier ‘deathworlder’ fantasies.
Yes, Terrans do eat some poisons for fun, however, there are plenty of ordinary galactic spices that are deadly for Terrans (Such as Arsenic). Daring or suggesting reckless actions for your Terran to take because ‘You totally heard humans can do this’ is a bad idea that can cause destruction to property, or the injury or even death of your Terran friend. Most stories you have heard, about the things Terrans have done, are generally ‘exceptions’ to the rule. Some Terrans have survived falling from great heights unaided. Most will not. Some people have survived grievous injuries, while others have died from simply falling over and bashing their heads on something. In general, if we have noted something down, that is because it is ‘notable’ and therefore not a standard occurrence.
Later chapters will go over how to deal with a Terran trying to do something stupid. If in doubt, contact the embassy and we will intervene if required.
These chapters will hopefully help you get the most out of your interactions with what the galactic community have taken to calling ‘The most friendly species in the universe.
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Chapter 5: Touching.
Earth is classified as a deathworld, which while not that exciting in the grand scheme of things, the evolutionary path we took to deal with this was different than most. Rather than be stronger or more deadly, humans became smarter. To the extent that a fully developed brain is larger than any reasonable juvenile form, meaning humans are born extremely underdeveloped and gradually gain full brain function over the next 20-odd years.
This means that compared with most races, the gestation period of a human is far higher than you might expect. This extended period where human offspring requires protection means the standard biological slurry of hormones most species use to ensure their offspring are protected wouldn’t work in humans. Instead, we have an overdriven nurture instinct which causes many of us to want to protect and help almost every single being who isn’t a human adult, including inanimate objects.
Our "pack bonding", while often over-exaggerated in media, is an important drive for everything we do.
This means that due to the variety and sheer power of this desire to befriend and interact with different things, there are practically zero species with which at least one Terran won’t want to interact with, generally in a tactile manner.
Eight-foot tall spiders, tentacled amphibians, fire-breathing lizards, talking trees, sentient cubes of light. While being small and fluffy increases the chance of such a bonding to happen by a major magnitude, there is no such thing as a species that isn’t ‘friend shaped’.
Very often this can end with a variety of physical motions: Attempting to touch fur or scales, picking up smaller species, or attempting to ‘boop’ the nose or nose analogue of whatever xeno has been unfortunate enough to be considered ‘friend shaped’. This will often come with a higher pitched nonsensical tone, often involving mentions of ‘good boy’.
While Terrans shouldn’t be doing this without talking to the person first and getting permission, offence in general shouldn’t be taken, especially around younger Terrans. No matter your personal culture and situations around certain actions, the Terrans do not mean anything negative or special by it.
Many species have used this to their advantage, generating significant tourism revenue as Terrans will seek out anything they consider ‘friend shaped’, whether that is because they are cute or cool. There are at least one species who have set up spa facilities in which both the ‘employees’ and ‘guests’ pay for the interaction.
Please be aware that the official Terran Conclave position is that unwanted touching should not be initiated by our members, regardless of how "Cute" or "awesome" a Xeno might be: You are still a sapient being with all the rights that affords you. For members who don't follow this, verbal or slight physical negative reinforcement is perfectly acceptable (see addendum for a full list of negative reinforcement procedures).
If this doesn't work, please contact any member of the Terran-Xeno relations team (Via Galnet or any Terran Alliance member embassy) and we will deal with this issue for you.
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Chapter 8: Psychics.
Terrans are well known as an enigma amongst the minority of species with psychic abilities (those who are a 6 or above on the Xxyrll-Prattel scale, where telekinesis, mind reading and mind control start to emerge as traits) in the galactic community.
Terrans, the "Human" subcategory in particular, are considered both one of the weakest and one of the strongest races in the galaxy at a psychic level, meaning the suggested rules described here are not only for the Terran's benefit but also for any Psychic Xeno.
In all Terran Conclave territories (And most Terran Alliance territories, please check your local laws before visiting any planet) non-consensual psychic reading is considered a crime, which depending on the circumstances can be punished with anything from a small fine to imprisonment.
For species who are considered "Automatic Psychics", or "Communal Hive minds" members must wear an appropriately graded XE-wave blocking device at all times while in such territories, which can be found at most major spaceports or major Terran Alliance embassies.
While the Terran Conclave cannot force others to enact laws, if you are preparing for Terran visitors (Human mostly: Uplifts only have this issue to a minor extent, and AI obviously do not apply here) the Terran Conclave's official stance is all Terran's should be required by law to wear such a device on planets with psychically active native communities, and if required please contact your local Terran Conclave diplomat for help crafting said laws.
Terrans have no native Psychic defenses, due to their relative newness to the galactic community and a lack of psychic species on their home planet. Even the least psychically powerful species can easily connect to an average Terran, often without them realizing (Obviously this does not apply to military and diplomatic members, who will have stronger and more deadly defences). However, they also have one of the strongest defences: Chaotic thoughts.
Entering the mind of a Terran has been described as "Swimming through a shark-infested tornado of mud" due to the high variability and lack of control your average Terran has over their thoughts. An average Terran will switch train of thought every 10 seconds, often to random topics or completely incorrect ideas.
This can cause anything from annoyance to brain aneurysms in those attempting to traverse such a person’s mind. Psychically connecting with a "Neurodivergent" individual can be considered by certain species as an always deadly event, and often it's difficult to realize an individual is "Neurodivergent" before it's too late.
An example during the initial stages of Terrans reaching out to the galaxy is the "Yloria event" (See attached article in the appendix for full details) in which 15 years after initial contact a Terran "Tourist" visited the colony of Yloria, a planet under command of the
Any
One last note: Any thoughts you find in a Terran's mind may or may not be real. A Terran is not self-destructive because one thinks about putting their hand into a trash compactor or jumping off a cliff, and a Terran who has thoughts of randomly harming you or others may consider you a true friend. Without training these thoughts are uncontrollable and do not represent a Terran's true intentions.
With the exception of the times when they do.
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Chapter 12: Pack bonding with inanimate objects.
One of the biggest and most consistent causes for complaints is the difference in views on the "rights" of inanimate objects, and the impacts they have on Terran lives.
Most non-Terrans see such actions as proof of the general insanity and chaos that the entire species of "mad primates" bring, with varying degrees of acceptance: ranging from finding the Terran habit adorable to being annoyed at such a waste of time and resources.
Further confusion is caused by the seeming inconsistency of which this practice is applied. Not every machine is granted this "role" deserving of respect, and to a non-Terran, the entire practice can seem rather arbitrary.
This difference in viewpoint can lead to a variety of negative diplomatic incidences, from "hurt feelings" all the way through to physical alterations when Xeno's interfere or destroy these "pack bonded" inanimate objects. Confusion as to which objects are "real" or not can lead to feelings of "standing on eggshells" with regard to what junk can and cannot be thrown away.
It is easy to understand the difference, however. It all comes down to one idea: Does it have a name?
When a Terran gives an object a name, they aren't just saying words. By giving it that special title the Terran will have ripped a part of their soul off, removed a small sliver of their being and given it away willingly. A species so desperate for companionship they will break apart who they are just for the chance at a friend.
At this point, to hurt this object is the same as hurting the one who named it.
Some of you may realize that this also applies to non-inanimate objects, where Terrans will provide other living organisms with a special name: "Friend", "Family", "Clan", "Pack". Whatever name this is, the same effect of giving a little part of who they are away is the same.
Those of you who have had the luck (?) of such a ritual will know how far a Terran is willing to go to protect those they have bonded with (See Chapter 14: So a Terran has pack bonded with you).
The biggest known incidence of this was the Mars rovers: A set of 10 research drones sent to Mars. The entire Terran culture of the time banded together in order to give these machines names befitting the core aspects of humanity: Perseverance, Curiosity, Opportunity.
Terrans at that point couldn't traverse the stars, they didn't know what lay out there, or even if there was anything to find. They knew deep down that each Rover they sent out would be lost forever, a single message in a bottle tossed into a raging sea. They knew they were sending them on a journey of which they could not walk.
Knowing this they still broke off parts of their soul, parts of who they were, and gave it to the sea of stars knowing they would never get it back. They cheered for their successes, and cried for their inevitable failures, for these inanimate machines were as part of them as flesh and blood. Willingly they gave that part away…
With the hope that one day they may follow.