I hate being wed in a fantasy world!

Hey, Katsuragi Kenta here, a hero summoned to this world to fight the Demon King. Bestowed with special powers, I'm able to get stronger in a much quicker manner, endure pain and stress way beyond what a normal human is capable of, and learn magic and special skills that help me in my mission.

The best part about them is the similarity to a game system, which makes me, as a gamer, make use of this system effortlessly, giving me an edge above those who were summoned besides me.

I'm accompanied by three beautiful girls, who are also my wives. My former classmate Momokawa Kyou, our healer and debuffer; Rine, who is a princess and a formidable warrior; and Ara'ainn, the alfr hero sage, whose specialty is magic.

Together all of us do our best to overcome every trouble...

…

… … …

…

No, I seriously can't get into this.

Well, once again. I'm Katsuragi Kenta, 16 years old, Japanese, once just a highschool student and a gamer. These parts are true.

Actually, all of the above is somewhat true, a bit biased though, as I tried something entirely new: being positive. Too bad that I suck at it and can’t really get into the mood.

Yes, also the part of being married is true.

You noticed, right? I don't put the word 'married' in apostrophes anymore. I finally accepted that the curse, which married us, is a somewhat legitimate form of marriage in this shitty fantasy world.

At least it's enough to mark me a sinner by this world's divine laws and make me pay for it. Finally, after so many 'adventures' I have found a new top spot for my 'worst spells ever'-list. It overtook [Gust] by a margin and is called [Judgment], a spell which makes every sinner hurt so bad they wish to die.

I was subjected to that particular spell in the city of Goldbrunn, by the so-called Crusaders, a bunch of assholes who just flail around their weapons and spells carelessly to make my life miserable.

Is being married worth this kind of torture?

Well, let's take a look at my first wife, Momokawa Kyou. A Japanese beauty my age, and I'm sure that she'll only grow more beautiful with the coming years. Her long black hair, her dark eyes, the way she confidently holds herself, she's pretty damn attractive.

The real issue is her nagging, moody, self-serving personality. Actually, I think that she and I are a good match in this regard as I consider myself to be an a-hole as well. Too bad that I'm at the wrong end of her bitchy attitude.

My second wife is Rine, aka Katarine von Stolzherz, who is a bit younger than me. She may look innocent, she may act innocent, and the girl might be innocent overall, but under that facade of blonde hair and ember-like eyes she's more than capable to kill every single one of us without even breaking a sweat. She's like a goddess of war! With the personality of a child, throwing tantrums at every opportunity.

The worst of it: She somehow convinced herself that she likes me. I never did anything to deserve it, however, and she's unable to read the mood and too dense overall. Plus, she has a bounty on her head, because she ran away from home. Due to the curse, I have to stick with all my wives, so I can't get away from her for long. Therefore everyone who wants her, will also find me and treat me as an obstacle.

Finally, I have my third wife, Ara'ainn. She's not even human, she's an alfr. Being from different species should initially make us not being attracted to each other, but the curse just doesn't care! If it weren't for that, I could be really good friends with her, as she and I somehow think similar.

She thinks with her head, she studied heroes for about a century, and because she has many thoughts, of which sadly only a few are solid theories, she makes me understand the whole hero-system better. Her downsides are her overall laziness when it doesn't come to heroes and her lousy sense of humor, which includes making fun of me at times, while she has a real streak of sex jokes whenever humans are concerned. Well, alfar are racists in general, I guess.

What feelings I have for these girls? I don't know anymore.

Kyou-san really is a nagging bitch, but she saved me several times and we actually get along in not getting along, even though it makes no sense. Well, I guess, she's the one I can understand the best, we're both Japanese, even went to the same school, and have bad personalities.

Rine is the one who is so overly emotional about everything that she somehow can infect me with it sometimes. Plus, she makes me feel better about myself. Being the object of interest of such a beautiful girl, even though she looks westerner, is a really good feeling.

Ara-san is fun to be with, but currently I'm not sure where the line is with her. Because of that ear-plugging incident, and how the curse worked its way with our bodies.

Maybe I should just give up and get laid... but no, the last time I tried I met one of our many enemies, and ended up being hunted by about everyone with a weapon in Goldbrunn.

Of course, it would be easy to ask Rine for this 'favor,' but just thinking about it, makes me shudder. Not thinking about the act, actually that's pretty darn arousing, but thinking about asking her and the kind of self-loathe I would have before and after the act.

“...Phew.”

“Kenta, everything alright?”

The girl in question is holding my right hand, while both of us are sitting on a log. We're currently waiting for Ara-san to return.

Kyou-san sits across from us, filing her nails.

“Why don't you just clip them?” Even this shitty fantasy world has some nail clippers, they look more like pliers but work fine enough.

Kyou-san looks at me as if I’ve asked her why she doesn’t drink water from a bottle, hisses slightly and answers: “Because clipping makes them brittle. It may take a while, but filing is better for the nails.”

“Kenta, can I file your nails?” Rine interrupts.

“...why would you want to file my nails? Look.” My nails are cleanly clipped already, I don't know about brittleness, but for me it worked out so far.

Rine really thinks about my question, tilting her head, then she shrugs her shoulders and asks me back: “Because Kyou cuts your hair?”

Yes, Kyou-san cuts my hair. She did twice so far, for some WP.

WP, the so-called 'wedding points', are gathered by conducting activities with my wives, like holding hands, cutting my hair, me eating Kyou-san's food, and some more. WP can be used to gain some specific bonuses, which somehow interacts with our hero-status.

“So because she cuts my hair you want to file my nails now.”

“Yes!”

“Declined.”

I hate intimate body contact. While I may get used to an extensive amount of such contact due to our hunt for more WP –like holding hands, linking arms, having a girl on my lap, and more– I can't help but think that letting someone else file my nails would be somewhat uncomfortable.

Seriously, why is filing nails a topic when I'm in a fucking fantasy world!?

Well, I know the answer! Just because you're in a fantasy world, it doesn't mean that you stop growing hair and nails, that you don't need to take a crap anymore, that you won't be bothered by rain, sand in your boots, and other stuff!

These everyday bothers, the lack of games, the increased mortality rate, and that so many mundane things take so much effort without modern means, make me hate this fantasy world!

“Kenta, can I pleeeaaase file your nails?” Rine looks at me with her bright eyes, which always seem to burn, her wide smile which tries to convince me that this will be fun, and the pleasant voice that just makes me want to trust her.

Damn, that's annoying.

“Fine, do what you want.” Knowing her, she might pester me until Ara-san comes back, which would most likely be even more tedious than letting her do that nail-thing.

“Yay-urb!” The last sound comes from Rine's face hitting my free palm, as she tried to embrace me in pure happiness. I don't like hugs and whenever she performs one while we're holding hands, it ends up with me being in pain.

Kyou-san rolls her eyes, but picks up her backpack and gets another nail file out, most likely Rine's. “Here you go.”

Rine changes her grip on my hand to intertwine her fingers with mine.

Hey, isn't that how lovers hold their hands after having sex with each other? Well, maybe I'm wrong, I'm not that much into dating.

“Stretch your fingers.”

I do as she asks, I'm actually a bit curious. She then pinches my thumb between hers and my forefinger, while starting to file it.

This sensation is strange, somehow the whole nail and therefore the fingertip is moved by this, and it itches strangely. After some strokes, I see white powder falling from my finger, her movements started wide, strong, and fast, but quickly turned small and precise.

Then she uses the other side of the file, and after just some moments, she's finished, even though my thumb tip is now white and I could feel some strokes on my skin during the process. Especially in the outer corners of my nail.

“First one done. They are already so short, so I won't do much today. Next one.”

Does that mean, she plans to repeat it another day?

The whole process takes some minutes, and it's really borderline of what I'm willing to bear. Letting someone else working on my body is just uncomfortable.

You gain 2 WP.

Filing nails may look like a menial task, but your wife made sure to remember the tiniest detail about your fingers.

Seriously? I sure hope not, even though Rine may actually know all of my sizes.

By the way, it's another WP we got without being explicitly listed on the WP-menu. Seeing how it was two WP instead of the usual one for regular and easy tasks, I dismiss it as a usual irregular, the stuff that the WP-systems makes up on the fly. I won't bother with that one.

Instead, I look at my fingers and rub my nails with my thumb. They somehow feel thicker, more stable, but also smoother.

Even though it's not worth the hassle, I have to say to Rine's defense that she didn’t have much to work with in the first place, if I hadn't recently clipped them, maybe it'd be different.

Not that I will say that out loud.

I look around instead. We're currently near a farm, one of the few that try to grow crops in the Wildlands, even though the soil is bad.

The Wildlands is the region where we are. To cut it short, it's a bad place to settle in: Bad soil, strong monsters, almost no minerals, and nothing else of interest. Yet, it's connected to many countries, so merchants are using established trade routes here to avoid some tolls and taxes. As long as they can arrange for protection.

There are some small city-states here, they get some minor income from the merchants and traders. I don't know the exact details, but somehow it brings profit, even though it doesn't sound like that.

Thanks to the shitty Crusaders –a self-satisfied order of maniacs who claim to serve justice, equipped with that damn [Judgement]-spell to make me suffer– the trading routes are currently somewhat safe, so now more and more merchants are trying to use this time to save on protection.

On the other hand, the Crusaders are also the reason why we're at a farm. I'm a sinner in the eyes of the Crusaders, married to three girls. I ran into them in Goldbrunn and got on their wrong side in my [Ranger] and my [Student] form, same may also go for Kyou-san. Additionally, Rine is a runaway princess with a bounty on her head.

So we sent Ara-san to the next city, Ohlbrücken, a city which has a bridge over the big river Ohl. Too bad that the Crusaders are in there as well, so only Ara-san went, hopefully they have no reason to suspect her.

While we could look for a camp out there, it's less suspicious to just wait at a farm, sitting on some logs. This way it's easier for Ara-san to find us again, too.

You gain 1 WP.

Holding hands is not only a connection between your bodies, but also your hearts.

“Phew... She should be back soon.” I'm going through the whole WP-routine with Kyou-san and Rine right now, as we take this time to get some rest as well. We hurried away from Goldbrunn, but I know too well that this hero-body has its limits.

Being [Worn Out] isn't fun at all.

I take a look with my [Farsight]-skill, looking for Ara-san, who's already been away for hours.

What I see, is how the adults on the field nearby start to stand before their children, some of them try to walk towards something but the adults hold them back. The men begin to lift their farming tools as weapons, but I can see they’re trembling even from this distance.

My eyes wander to the point they're facing.

...seriously?

It's just Ara-san. Hair white as snow, long and pointy ears which are always moving, facial traits which are different from a human's, but moving much less, a long intertwined staff in her hand, which she uses as a walking stick, and a green dress made out of some leaf-cloth.

For some reason, the farmers treat her like she's some sort of devil.

Wait, she's doing something. The beasts of burdens start to prostrate themselves before her, the plants around her grow and twist, she's creating water from her hands...

IS THIS WHAT SHE'S DOING WHEN WE'RE NOT AROUND!?

I take my bow from my backpack.

“Kenta?”

Rine is tilting her head, not sure what I'm doing here. I draw an arrow: “[Seeker]!” My aim is right next to Ara-san, after the shot I immediately start to run into her direction, while donning my hood to hide my face.

Ara-san looks in my direction, but at this range, she won't be able to recognize me, as alfar may have good eyes in general, but they have problems at long distances. They live in woods, after all, an area full of visual obstructions.

The farmers on the other hand, humans and folkmen, can see me, but they only see a hooded figure. They cheer. I've forgotten that a hood is the sign of a ranger, and rangers are actually popular here.

Doesn't matter. Now that I got everyone's attention, I begin to scream: “ARA-SAN, GET OVER HERE OR YOUR EARS WILL BURN!!!”

Of course, the farmers won't hear me clearly from this distance, but Ara-san most likely will.

Did she just sigh? I'm sure she did.

In the end, she stops her display of power and walks into my direction.

“What did she do this time?” Kyou-san asks me from behind.

“Alfr-stuff!”

The way Kyou-san easily accepted that answer only confirmed that alfar are just this way. The 'young folk', which means they're stuck in puberty forever.

To be honest though, Ara-san is more serious than most alfar and tries really hard to be less... alfr-like around us, so maybe she just slipped.

Most likely, she saw how cautious the farmers were when they saw her, as alfar don't have the best reputation in general, because they're prone to make fun of everyone. Seeing their reaction, she might have thought it'd be funny to play into these concerns and fears.

Ara-san may be the most reasonable and level-headed of my wives, but she's a pain in her own right sometimes.

―○●○―

“I have good news! Our renown is rising.” Ara-san's face shows a slight smile, which would be a beaming grin from a human.

“Great!” Rine pumps her fist as she doesn't understand why Ara-san seems so amused.

“...the bad news?” The only reason why Ara-san would start a conversation like that have to be-

“Wait, I got another good news. If we do it right, money should be no concern of us anymore.”

“Don't tell me-”

“Ta-da.” Ara-san takes some folded papers from her belt pouch and unfolds them. “We'll start with Kenta. First, we have: Bounty for Katsuragi Kenta by Feuerberg: 840,500 Newgold, dead or alive. Bounty for Katsuragi Kenta by the Crusaders: 50,000 Newgold, alive only. Bounty for the 'man in the red hood' by the Crusaders: 202,000 Newgold, dead. Finally, a bounty for Katsuragi Kenta by the Merchant League: 410,000 Newgold alive, half if dead. So Kenta-kun is worth up to 1,602,500 Newgold.”

Four different bounty posters, all hand-drawn, with additional physical descriptions underneath. The only silver lining here is that the illustrators somewhat didn't get my face right. Maybe because I'm Asian and they're not used to draw Asians.

But seriously, this headache! Yet there is one bounty, that strikes me as strange: “Merchant League!? What's that and what- Correo, right!?” That bastard merchant, who sent mercenaries and the oni after us to capture Rine.

“Why would father or Ralf issue a bounty for Kenta's corpse?” Rine puts her arm akimbo while thinking about the bounty of Feuerberg.

“Maybe because they think I'm a kidnapper, mind-controller, and almost-murderer?”

“Why would they think that?”

I really want to hit her. “BECAUSE OF YOU!!!” I yell at her instead, she's just too good at hitting back.

“Ah, maybe I should write a letter to father?”

“No, if you do that, they know where we were. Plus, they may also think, that I forced you to- Ah, this headache!”

Ara-san put her hand on my shoulder. “Kenta-kun, there is no need to have a headache now, the people just recognize your worth.”

“The worth I have when they turn me in! I HATE IT!” My fingers painfully scratch the skin of my head, as ruffle my hair, but the whirling emotions inside me make me want to somehow move my body.

“Now we come to Momo.”

The person in question becomes pale. “Don't tell me...”

“Bounty for Momokawa Kyou by Feuerberg: 102,500 Newgold, alive only. Bounty for Katsuragi Kyou by the Crusaders: 60,000 Newgold, alive only. Third, we have a bounty for Momokawa Kyou by the Merchant League: 711,000 Newgold alive, quarter if dead. So it's up to 873,500 Newgold for Momo.”

“Why does the Merchant League want me more than Ken!? I can see the Crusaders, but-”

“At least you have your own poster, I'm just mentioned as a side note on the Crusader's posters of yours. See? 'The probably female alfr traveling with her for a bonus.' They don't even know my name.”

“You're enjoying it, right Arako!? And what's with the nose on that poster! I'm not that ugly!”

“The other ones certainly aren't well drawn, but I think Feuerberg's poster is quite accurate.”

“Hm... you're right, but,” Kyou-san pulls Ara-san's ear, “beside-the-point!”

“Ouch, Momo, my ear!” Alfr ears are much more sensitive than human ears. I like to compare them to fingertips or lips regarding sensitivity.

Still, I have to agree: Kyou-san is much prettier than the posters of the Merchant League or the Crusaders show. Personality-wise it's actually a nice fit. She looks like a witch on them, after all.

“Finally, we have Katarine-san.”

“I'm excited! How much is it for me?”

Is she not getting what those posters mean or is she just going with the flow!?

“Bounty for Katarine von Stolzherz by Feuerberg: 2,500,000 Newgold alive, double unharmed, persecution for dead. Bounty for Katarine von Stolzherz by Déjuma: 3,000,000 Newgold alive, triple unharmed, persecution for dead. Bounty for Katarine von Stolzherz by Paarlarr: 1,300,500 Newgold alive, double if unharmed. Bounty for Katarine von Stolzherz by Daemonicus-”

“The demons!?” I cry out in despair, as these numbers are way too high so far.

“Yes, there are only a few of them who actually trade, but they're willing to pay 1,000,000 Newgold for dead or alive. Then we have-”

“Can we skip the other countries?” Rine asks cheerfully, which really pisses me off: “I want to compare with Kenta and Kyou.”

“Sure. Then-” Ara-san is putting four other bounty posters aside. “ Katarine von Stolzherz by the Merchant League: 4,000,000 Newgold, alive only. The Crusaders only put you at a side note of Kenta-kun's and Momo's posters, but I think the moment they see the other posters, they will make one for you as well.”

“So what am I worth?”

“If we don't count any country but Feuerberg, it's up to 9 million plus a non-descriptive bonus. If we count the other countries in... 26,342,000 Newgold. I think the fact that the countries tried to compete with each other for a while lead to these rewards.”

“Phew... so basically, we can't go into any cities anymore without a disguise.”

“At least on this side of the Ohl. I learned that many bounty hunters are currently in Ohlbrücken, maybe they are looking for us, as there are few ways to cross the river. Or more precisely, they are looking for Katarine-san.” Yes, turning in Rine to anyone would produce a nice sum.

While I'm sure that I could fend off run-of-the-mill bounty hunters, it's the Crusaders I'm worried about. “Are there still Crusaders in Ohlbrücken?”

“Many and constantly. They want to travel to Feuerberg, and Ohlbrücken is the only option for them to cross the Ohl. The stream of Crusaders is never-ending if I can trust the recruit I interrogated.”

“... interrogated? Ara-san, you didn't-”

“I think it will be harsh for us to go through Ohlbrücken. They will await us.” She did. She totally did. “Ouch!”

Kyou-san pulls Ara-san's ear again. She's pissed: “Why did you need to make it worst!”

“He called me 'elf'. Why are humans always calling us elves?”

“You enjoy making us feel miserable, right?”

“In this case, yes- Ouch, ouch!” Sometimes Ara-san is too honest.

“Let her go, Kyou-san. Even if she was an alfr to that recruit, it's not like she's fully responsible.”

“I know, but- nnnn!” Kyou-san lets Ara-san's ear go and the alfr girl strokes it gently with her fingers.

I continue my thoughts: “Even without the Crusaders, I'm sure that Correo also has a trap there. In case that we escaped his mercenaries.” Which was a really close call, more dumb luck than ability. “Seeing how he put bounties on our head for... what reason exactly, Ara-san?”

“For kidnapping the crown-princess of Feuerberg.”

“Figures...” While our stay in Aroahenn was worth it in terms of powering up, it threw us back time-wise. We didn't know that Correo would hunt us later with his hirelings and underlings, as his last plan was about the alfr village, not us. “Basically, Ohlbrücken is not an option.”

“But isn't Ohlbrücken the only place to cross the Ohl within a month, Kenta?” Rine asks a very good question, but as she studied trade as a princess, she also knows about the most common trading routes which lead into and through Feuerberg.

Plus, she's right. The Ohl is a tricky river, with a strong current in these areas, many obstacles protruding out and under the surface and monsters living in it, if I trust what Ara-san and Oro'hekk, my ranger mentor, told me.

Crossing without proper precautions like the exact right magic and similar would be suicidal.

I exchange a look with Ara-san, who's still kneading her ear carefully. Then I turn to Rine: “Ohlbrücken is the only safe route.”

“There is another?”

Kyou-san rubs her nose bridge. “I don't like it.”

“Me neither, but it's most likely safer than Ohlbrücken for us. It's the Spirit Swamp.”

“Kenta, I know that you're much smarter than I,” Rine says with a doubtful smile: “But I don't think it's a good idea.”

“Ken, Rine-chan, would you mind to tell me what that Spirit Swamp is? Even though I can already tell that I won't like it.”

“Let me explain it to her, Rine. To put it simply, it's a haunted swampland, the southern part of the Ohl feeds it, while the northern Ohl comes out of it. So basically, it's breaking the river for a while.”

“But it's haunted.”

“From what Oro'hekk told me, strong monsters live there. Plus, the spirits of the wildlife there are rather malicious.”

“That means?”

“Remember how the trees in Aroahenn had something like a semi-consciousness? How they're made into buildings, which help you out, just when you ask? And how they can fuck up your sense of direction if you're not able to use [Spirit Magic]? Let's say, these trees are similar, only that they want to hurt you or even kill you so that you'll end up as fertilizer for them.”

Ara-san nods to my explanation: “That is rather accurate if we put it in simple words.”

“So let me clarify, Ken: You're suggesting that we go into that place!? Are you an idiot!? No, don't answer, I know that already. I'll give you a minute to explain to me why we shouldn't make the detour instead. It's a month... a month in this world.” A month in this world has fifty days. It's almost two months in Japanese time, but still better than being killed.

“First off, we can survive the Spirit Swamp, as we have Ara-san and me here. I have [Wild Eyes] and Ara-san is so good with [Spirit Magic], that she doesn't even need to try. She's an alfr after all.”

“Ah, you're right.” Rine chimes in: “I've heard that el-, that alfar and rangers are able to cross it.”

“What she says.”

Kyou-san looks at me as if she's a sports club's coach deciding if I really fit being a regular. “Let's say that I can trust Arako in that. But what about the monsters?”

“Let's face it, Kyou-san: We're weak. At least compared with what’s to come. I thought I was strong, but now I face dragons, ss'rak, other heroes, cheater-heroes, onis, mercenaries, and Crusaders, and they're also strong. I want to find a good farming ground and level up a bit, but as we also want to get away, facing strong monsters on the way will be a compromise.”

“So it's just about leveling up? Really?” Uh, her eyes are burning me.

“Not only, but I really hate how weak I'm now. We'd face strong mobs most likely, if we go around, as the mobs were only thinned out around the trade route, but it'll take time to get to that point. It also gives Correo a lot of opportunities to mess us up.”

“So you also want to save time and deny Correo these chances?”

“Yes. He knows that we were in Goldbrunn, most likely he also knows that we're heading west, maybe even that our destination is Zethtrin.”

“Why don't we change our plans then?”

“No.” I stand firm on that. “I refuse to let him tell me what I'm gonna do! And what about the curse, don't you want it to be lifted?”

“...” Kyou-san plays with the ring on her finger. “...I do want to, but-”

“No buts. If we go through the swamp, then he may not be able to follow us. He couldn't penetrate Aroahenn's barriers without our help, so he may not be able to deal with [Spirit Magic].”

“Actually, the barriers aren't exactly [Spirit Magic], rather-” I glare down Ara-san, who's not helping here. “This intense look, are you finally going to rape me?”

Not. Helping.

“Nevermind!” Ignoring Ara-san, I continue to persuade Kyou-san: “The swamp might be dangerous, but it's something we’ll decide. Maybe things will go terribly wrong in there, I'm sure they'll do, considering our bad luck, but we'll get through it. We always do.”

Kyou-san looks at me wide-eyed as her lips move, trying to muster an answer. “...fine.”

“Kenta, you're so cool!” For some strange reason, Rine tries to hug me, but I put my arms between us, trying to push her away by her shoulders. She just continues with her cheer: “You can count on me, too! We'll do it!”

Suddenly, I feel a literal freezing chill on my neck, my body squirms as a reaction and my arms lose their tension. Therefore Rine, who suddenly had leeway, slams into me and both of us topple to the ground.

“Ah, Kenta-kun is still the same.” A relieved sigh from the alfr, who just used ice magic to give me this chill. “I was worried.”

What is she even talking about!?