Homestar Saga

"Mims, dodge! Dodge now!"

 

Mims yanked on the controls, veering the Random Encounter in a burst of acceleration. Only after he'd made the movement did he ask, "What is it?"

 

"Humans!"

 

They had just completed the Jump to Krog Prime. The Recompense was safely docked at Migo's shipyard. Yvian had just started a scan of the system when she saw three fighters turn and head in their direction. Sensors saw them as custom built ships, but Yvian knew better. They were Gladiator class heavy fighters, like the Encounter. The humans had come for Mims.

 

Mims glanced at the sensor readings and swore. "Goddamned Devera with the Goddamned open comms..."

 

"How'd they know to look for us here?" Yvian asked.

 

"We're in the news!" Lissa told her. "Everyone knows to look for us here!"

 

"We're the first non-Krog to be summoned before the Board of Masters," Mims elaborated. "It's kind of a big deal." The Random Encounter weaved an elaborate pattern as he spoke. "I'm depressurizing the ship. They've got MACdrivers."

 

"But how'd a bunch of Terrans get the news?" Yvian wondered. "Federation money's no good here. They shouldn't be able to afford Nexus access."

 

"Good question. I'll ask." Mims reached for the comms, but one of the humans was already hailing them.

 

"Your ass is mine, Kinslayer!" A male voice, angry, excited. "Aldara remembers!"

 

"Aldara remembers!" Two other voices echoed. One male. One female.

 

"How'd you find me?" The ships were four hundred kilometers away, accelerating fast. Mims weaved back and forth as the Encounter sped to meet them.

 

"Apparently you're on the news," the voice told him. "Quintina Barrillas sends her regards."

 

"That bitch," Mims muttered. "Remind me to kill her at some point."

 

"We're hit!" Lissa announced. "Left wing. Minor damage. Think it was a MAC round."

 

"Shouldn't we be firing back?" Yvian asked.

 

"Waste of ammo at this range," the Captain told her. "They're taking evasives."

 

"We're taking evasives and they're still shooting at us!" Lissa pointed out.

 

"They've got more ammo to waste," Mims replied.

 

The distance shrank rapidly. The Encounter's sensors couldn't detect whether or not the enemy fighters were still firing MACdrivers at them, but no more holes appeared in the hull. Yvian's heart pounded as she watched them approach. She knew what the Encounter could do. The thought of facing three ships with the same capability...

 

The Captain spoke with calm focus. "Yvian, stay on sensors. Tell me if any more Terrans show up. And keep an eye out for the militia. They might decide to jump in."

 

"Acknowledged." If Mims wasn't worried... She took a breath and forced her shoulders to relax.

"Lissa, you're on damage control. Once we get in dogfighting range they'll put a lot of holes in us very quickly. I need you to keep us flying and keep the guns hot."

 

"Un..." Lissa swallowed. "Understood." Yvian's shoulders tensed up again.

 

"Alright, then." A grim excitement crept into his voice. "Let's dance."

 

The enemy ships decelerated as they neared firing range. Mims started to slow down as well, but gunned the engines again when they came within thirty kilometers. The gladiators opened up, spraying violet bolts of ionized death. Mims easily dodged, not bothering to return fire as he closed the distance.

 

The Terran weapons fired much more rapidly than Yvian expected. They looked more like the experimental military tech the Gunzerker had wielded than the High Energy Plasma Cannons that Mims employed. Despite the best efforts of the Captain, a few bolts struck the Encounter as he streaked past the enemy. Yvian was sure it was only a few, but the shields dropped a full twenty nine percent. What The Crunch kind of guns could hit that hard?

 

The gladiators spun to keep their weapons trained on the Random Encounter. For a full two seconds, they weren't trying to dodge. Mims was ready. The bridge thrummed as the Encounter's MACdriver said its piece. The ships ceased fire. A quick scan told Yvian the pilots had been killed.

 

"Gotcha," breathed Mims. "Lissa, damage report."

 

"Shields at twenty three percent," Lissa informed him. "We've got multiple holes in the ship, including one on the bridge." She pointed at a spot half a meter from the Captain's chair. Yvian saw a hole just a little wider then three fingers pressed together. A similar hole was a meter closer to Yvian, in the ceiling of the bridge. "Engines are damaged, and two of our port thrusters are out, but we're still mobile. One of our guns is out of commission. Power distribution to the cargo bays is out. I've got repair drones en route to seal the hull breaches. Once that's done, we can start on everything else."

 

"Good work," Mims told her. "Yvian, anyone coming our way?"

 

"There's a small fleet approaching," she reported. "But I can't tell if they're coming for us or just heading for the Gate. One cruiser, three frigates, eight fighters. Krog militia, I think."

 

"Estimated time of arrival?" he asked.

 

"Eighty minutes."

 

"Plenty of time." Mims turned the Encounter around, accelerating towards the now defunct gladiators. They were still moving at a steady nine hundred thirty two meters a second, but they weren't dodging or spinning anymore. "Run a scan of the ships and check for booby traps. I want to claim these beauties before anyone gets close enough to give them a good scan."

 

Scans revealed no explosives or booby traps. Mims matched speed with one of the ships at a distance of one hundred meters. Yvian exited the airlock and activated her jetpack. She activated SHIELDBREACH on approach. The ship's shields shimmered as she passed through, but there was no sensation as SHIELDBREACH did its work. Instead of going to an airlock she moved to the transparent material that made up the viewport for the gladiator's bridge. There was already a hole where the Encounter's MAC round had penetrated. A few seconds with a plasma cutter got her inside.

 

The pilot was missing most of her head. Artificial gravity held down the blood and other fluids scattered around the corpse, but the liquids were boiling in the vacuum of the depressurized ship. Yvian involuntarily made an "ick" sound as she stepped through the gore, typing into the bloody console to connect it's controls to the Encounter's computer.

 

"Uplink established," she spoke into her comm.

 

"Got it," Lissa responded. "I have control. Come on back."

 

Yvian came out the way she'd come in. Shields are one directional, so there was no need to use SHIELDBREACH a second time. She activated her suit's cleaning function instead. She didn't want to track any grossness back onto her ship.

 

The next ship was handled the same as the first, but the last one was rigged to blow. A mass of explosives was attached to one of the reactor cores. Lissa couldn't determine what would set it off.

Mims shrugged. "No sense fucking around with it. Move the other ships away and we'll turn the thing into debris."

 

"Can I?" Yvian asked. "I kinda want to see what these Terran guns can do."

 

"Knock yourself out," said Mims.

 

She gave him a confused look, then remembered he couldn't see it with her helmet on.

 

"Uh..what?"

 

"I mean go ahead," Mims clarified.

 

At a distance of ten kilometers, she had one of the gladiators lock on target. Fourteen alien weapons spat violet fire. The Terran guns were far more destructive then Confed tech. The struck ship exploded after a mere six seconds of being fired upon.

 

"Make sure you dust all the weapons, too." Mims ordered. "We don't want some enterprising salvager getting their hands on a Steltech gun."

 

"Steltech?" Lissa inquired.

 

"Federation manufacturer," Mims explained. "Their guns are light years above what the Confed makes."

 

"What are we doing with the other two?" Yvian asked.

 

"We'll send them to Migo's on autopilot for now." Mims started programming a route for both ships. "It's a three month trip, so we'll have time to snatch them up once the Recompense is good to go." He hummed softly to himself as he executed the program. The Terran vessels turned and headed for the Gate.

 

"Why are you so chipper all the sudden?" Lissa asked.

 

The Captain interrupted his humming long enough to give a questioning grunt. "Hmm?"

 

"The other humans are hunting us, there are holes in the ship," Lissa listed, "And the Krog militia's going to be crawling up our asses within the hour. Why are you so happy?"

 

"I dunno." The Captain scratched his head, a mostly symbolic gesture as his helmet was still in place. "I guess I'm finally starting to feel like myself again."

 

"Because you got to kill people?" Yvian suggested.

 

"When you put it that way..." She could hear his grimace. "It sounds kinda bad."

 

"It is bad, Mims."