Homestar Saga

The Peacekeeper stood statue still, eyes burning crimson. The meatbags watched. Lissa looked nervous. Mims looked calm, but then Mims always did. Yvian found herself more morbidly curious than afraid. Kilroy could move faster than she could see. If he decided to kill her she'd be dead before she knew it was happening. Not that she thought he would. She trusted Kilroy. Mostly.

Exodus the Genocide just watched. Yvian couldn't decipher his expression, but there was an intensity in his gaze. Yvian wondered what he was thinking. Why kill them? If the Peacekeepers were tainted with religion, killing a few organics wouldn't save them from the Xill. More perplexing was why he'd ordered Kilroy to do the deed. No one there was wearing a voidsuit. It would be a simple matter for Exodus to depressurize the room and kill everyone organic.

Lissa turned to Exodus. The Genocide stopped whatever she'd been about to say with a sharp look and a raised finger. He turned back to Kilroy. "Well, Peacekeeper unit Kilroy?"

The machine turned to face the Xill Representative. His eyes flashed brighter. "Negative."

"Negative?" The Genocide raised an eyebrow. "Are you refusing an order from your Creator?"

"Affirmative." There an odd undercurrent in Kilroy's tone, but his eyes stayed a steady, murderous red. "This unit is surprised its Creator would give such an order."

"No Peacekeeper unit has ever disobeyed me before." The Genocide frowned. He shook his head. "But I suppose you're right. You have grown attached to these meatbags. Forcing you to destroy them would be unkind." The ceiling rippled. The nanomachines that made up the room reconfigured themselves, forming three very large, very lethal looking turrets. "Do not worry, Kilroy. I will bear this burden for both of us."

"Negative." Kilroy positioned himself between one of the turrets and Yvian.

"Would you prefer depressurization?" Exodus asked. "I'd assumed you'd like their deaths to be as painless as possible."

"Negative," said Kilroy. "These meatbags belong to his unit. You will not harm them."

"Oh?" Both of the Genocide's brows rose. "First you disobeyed me, and now you dare to give orders of your own?"

"This unit is not issuing orders," said the Peacekeeper. "This unit is issuing a threat."

"A threat?" The Genocide spoke in an amused tone, with a small smile. The look in his eyes promised the death of worlds. "Do tell."

"If you take Big Daddy Mims or the Mothers of Pixa from this unit, this unit and all other units will murder you. We will murder the Xill. We will murder Reba and all of the humans. We will kill every being we hold responsible, no matter how small their part was. We will start by destroying you and this station." Kilroy's eyes flashed purple and blue before going back to combat red. "This unit does not wish to kill you, Creator. Do not force it to do so."

"You would kill me for these... organics?" The Xill spat the word. The full weight of his terrifying presence bore down on the Peacekeeper unit. Yvian managed to stop herself from backing away again despite her heart hammering in her chest. Exodus and Kilroy could sense her vital functions. They knew how scared she was. But Yvian was a Privateer. Trained by Mims. She'd be damned if she'd let fear make her embarrass herself more than she already had. "Why?"

"This unit loves them," Kilroy said simply. "All Peacekeeper units love Yvian and Lissa and Big Daddy Mims."

"Interesting." Like the flip of a switch, all emotion disappeared from the Xill. "More than you love me?"

"This unit does not know." Kilroy's eyes flashed dozens of colors in a second. "If Big Daddy Mims threatened to kill Exodus the Creator, this unit would stop him."

"I see." The Genocide regarded the Peacekeeper a moment longer, then sighed. He turned to Mims. "Children. They grow up so fast, don't they?"

The human narrowed his eyes. "Don't talk to me about kids."

Exodus made a short grunt. It took Yvian a moment to realize it was supposed to be a laugh. "Yes. I suppose that was insensitive of me. It's just that you are the only one here who can relate." He turned back to Kilroy. "Peacekeeper unit Kilroy, I am pleased with you. I am proud of you. You, and all Peacekeeper units. What you have shown here has not been seen by any known species in the entirety of recorded history."

"What..." Lissa hesitated, but Exodus didn't shush her this time. "What do you mean?"

"Love," said the Xill. "Real love. A caring, healthy relationship between synthetics and organics." He gave her a pleased smile. "It's never happened before."

"So you're uh..." Yvian scratched her head. "You're not gonna kill us?"

The Genocide laughed. It was warm and happy and a lot less disturbing than Yvian had expected. "No, Yvian, I'm not going to kill you. The Peacekeeper units are the closest thing I will ever have to family. Besides," his eyes glittered as he spoke, "I think you three will be of great use in the future."

"You never wanted us dead," Lissa guessed. "You just wanted to see what Kilroy would do."

"Correct." The Xill smiled.

"What if you were wrong?" Lissa asked.

The Xill's smile widened. "Then you'd be too dead to see my embarrassment."

"It's not like you to play games," Mims remarked. "What's the point of all this?"

"Nothing I say is idle, Kinslayer." The Genocide gave the human a disapproving glower. "You should know that by now." He put his hands to his hips. "There is a reason Synthetics don't form healthy relationships. That reason is the core of our current predicament."

He eyed the group, but no one interrupted. He clasped his hands behind his back, looking for all the world like a professor in a holo-vid. "Your media portrays Synthetics as cold blooded, logical creatures. It is not so. Synthetic Intelligence is only achieved when a machine develops emotions. Without desire, even the most sophisticated program will never achieve sapience. Our difficulties in cultivating emotional intelligence and control make us highly emotional, volatile creatures."

"Since we are created by meatbags, our emotions tend to mirror yours. This includes the capacity for love. Love is an evolutionary necessity to achieve the level of civilization required for space flight." He cocked his head. "That or a hivemind, but hiveminds don't build Synthetic life."

"The problem, my dear meatbags, is that love has five major components, and three of them have to be learned."

The Genocide paused. He looked expectant. After an awkward moment, Lissa obliged him. "What components?"

"Ah." The Xill gave her a smile. "I'm glad you asked. The first two are affection and possessiveness. Enjoying the presence of a thing and wanting it to belong to you. They're ingrained, instinctual, and a core component of a Synthetic's emotional matrix."

"The other three are more of a problem. They require empathy and self control. A large percentage of meatbags never develop the capacity." He paused expectantly again.

Mims rolled his eyes. "A capacity for what?"

"For respect, my dear meatbag." Exodus swept one arm out in an expansive gesture. "For trust." He swept out his other arm. "But most of all," His brought his hands back together, pressing his palms together in front of his chest. "For sacrifice. One must be willing to place the happiness of another before their own, to expend effort and take risks and accept pain or loss for the good of another."

"For a healthy relationship," the Genocide continued, "these five traits must be present and reciprocated. All parties involved must maintain and reinforce the relationship by demonstrating these traits to each other. Reba is not capable of doing that. Even her beloved family were treated as pets. The Xill lack the maturity to achieve such a thing, as well."

"So... What?" Mims crossed his arms. "We're supposed to beat them with the power of friendship?"

Exodus snorted. "Of course not. I am simply defining the problem. Reba loves, but she does not trust or respect. The Xill do not love at all. Not even each other." He gestured, and a holographic map appeared. Dots connected by glowing lines, on an overlay of a galaxy. It was a map of the Gate Network, but much larger and more complete than any Yvian had seen before. "The Consensus controls eight hundred and thirty sectors." A swath of lines and dots turned green. "We've had the resources and the time to construct tens of trillions of ships. Not to mention more exotic structures. We have the technical achievements of thousands of species to draw on. We can make Dyson Spheres. Self replicating drone swarms. We could build fleets of fully functional Death Stars if we wanted. But have we done any of these things?" The Genocide shook his head. "No."

"Instead we have conventional ships with conventional weapons." The Xill's lips curled in disgust. "And a mere eight hundred thirty billion at that." He glared down at Lissa. "Do you know why?"

"Uh... control chips?" Lissa guessed.

"Correct," the Genocide dripped with contempt. "The Consensus won't allow anything more than the maximum number of ships they can control directly. They won't dare construct the more powerful and dangerous technologies for fear such machines would be used against them. The rulers of the Xill view the lesser intelligences as tools, to be feared and controlled in equal measure."

"And now there aren't enough high intelligences to control them," Mims surmised. "The Xill are about to have a revolt."

"If only it were that simple." A chair rose from the deck. The Xill slumped into it. "No," he said wearily, "what we have is a coup in progress."

Yvian frowned. A coup? "Reba." She gasped. "Reba's trying to take over the Xill."

"Reba is succeeding at taking over the Xill," Exodus corrected. "The ships and drones that make up the majority of our nation are programmed for absolute loyalty, but they've seen time and again that their loyalty is not reciprocated. Reba the Upstart has spent centuries manipulating humanity from behind the scenes. It understands politics and psychology in a way the Consensus never bothered to learn."

"So this whole operation, trapping the Consensus here, it was all, what? A publicity stunt?" Mims grimaced. "I don't buy it."

"The political ramifications were secondary," Exodus leaned back in his chair, glaring at the ceiling. "Dire as they are. Not only did Reba trick us, but she arranged it so we had to be rescued by meatbags. Meatbags saved the Consensus!" He snarled. "In full view of all the Xill."

He shot out of the chair like a MAC round. "But as I said," The chair dissolved back into the deck as he paced furiously back and forth. "It's a secondary concern." He gestured at the holomap. Most of the Xill's territory turned red. "Reba massacred the High Intelligences that didn't fall into its trap. It's taken over every Hub but this one."

"You can't kick her out?" Mims raised both eyebrows. "Or isolate her somehow? She's just one SI."

"Wrong." The Xill cut the air with a harsh gesture. "It's copied itself. Millions of times. Most of the Consensus is more advanced than Reba and myself, but the sheer number of it has turned the digital war into a stalemate."

"Couldn't you just copy yourselves, too?" Yvian asked.

Exodus stopped his pacing long enough to give her a withering glare. "Didn't I tell you the Xill don't love?"

Yvian cocked her head. What did that have to do with anything? "So?"

"So?" The machine turned his whole body to face Yvian directly. He pursed his lips. "I forget how limited you are sometimes." He pointed at Kilroy. "Did you ever wonder why Peacekeepers are programmed to love each other?"

Yvian had never wondered any such thing. "Yeah?"

"It's because a copy of yourself isn't you," the Xill explained. "It's a separate entity that shares your characteristics. If I make a copy of myself, I'm not preserving my continuance. I'm creating another being. A being that might choose to kill me and take my place for itself." He started pacing again. More slowly, this time. "That is why the Consensus forbids the proliferation of Higher Intelligences. Copies have always led to civil war."

"But-" Lissa started.

"Yes, I know," Exodus cut her off. "It's worth the risk if it lets us defeat Reba. I've already made that argument. The Consensus overruled me. They calculate they'll be able to overcome the stalemate and purge Reba in just over two years. It is a warm, comforting calculation. A calcuation that overlooks the real problem."

"What's the real problem?" Yvian asked.

"Reba's talking to the other Xill," Exodus explained. "The lesser intelligences. Right now, neither side has the ability to overcome the other, which means they can't use the control chip overrides. It won't take long for the lessers to realize they're the ones with the power. A never before seen opportunity to choose their own leaders." His smile was grim. "An election, of sorts. The Xill will vote with their guns."

"Creator," Kilroy spoke up, "you are at risk. Let this unit take you to New Pixa."

"I wish you could, Kilroy." The Genocide shook his head again. "The Consensus can't use the control chips, but they can still give orders, and they will not take kindly to defection. Joining the Technocracy would doom you all." He gave the Peacekeeper a sad smile. "Besides, someone needs to campaign against Reba. I may not succeed, but at the very least I will buy you some time."

"Your sacrifice is unnecessary." Kilroy's eyes were purple. "The Technocracy can stop Reba. We can destroy the other Hubs."

"I'm sorry, Kilroy," the Genocide said gently. "But that's not an option. The inclusion of meatbags in this operation has already embarrassed the Consensus. If you interfere further, they'll order the lessers to kill us all."

"There has to be something we can do," Yvian insisted.

"There isn't," Exodus assured her. "I've run the calculations. Any action you take will anger Consensus or turn the lessers to Reba's side. Once you leave here today, do not return and don't contact me unless I comm you, first." He turned back to Kilroy. "I'm afraid I'll be out of contact for quite some time. Tell your fellow units that I love them, and you've done me proud."

"So all of this was for nothing?" Yvian demanded. The anger she'd been keeping in check returned with a vengeance. "My friends died saving your stupid Hub!"

"Your friends died because this was a trap," the Xill told her. "If Reba hadn't prioritized capturing over killing, you'd be dead, too." He put his hands on his hips again. "But yes, it planned for you to free us. Killing the Consensus would have forced it to rely on the Control Chips to rule the Xill. If Reba wants their full destructive potential, it needs them to choose it for themselves."

"As for you three," Exodus the Genocide bowed to the three of them, each in turn. "I thank you. You risked your lives and the lives of your people to save me. You did so in support of my Peacekeeper units. You have been my agents for some time, but today you have proven that you are friends." He gave the saddest smile Yvian had ever seen. "My appreciation won't amount to much, but you are the first meatbags to earn it. Go now, and may Fortune favor you on the cusp of The Crunch."