Dungeons Are Bad Business

“Just a little bit more to the left…a little bit more…okay, that looks good.”`

Vee took a deep breath and a sip of water as Zeiken finished fumbling with the far-viewing crystal on the desk in front of him and flashed him a claw-up. The sun was shining outside, and the office was warm, but the [Dungeon Master] was still wearing his heaviest coat. The [Doortune Teller] insisted that it made him look more professional, and Vee knew that he’d need every advantage he could get for the upcoming meeting with his peers.

The water tasted nice, but his mouth still felt dry, so Vee took another couple sips and tried to calm down. Truthfully, he wasn’t as nervous as he expected to be: Zeiken had talked him through the entire thing a dozen times or more, so he wasn’t worried about forgetting something important.

He resisted the urge to run his fingers through his hair, and instead settled for drumming them against the desk. It was probably beyond time for him to try and pick up some different fidgeting habits. Yet another mental note. The filing cabinet in his head was probably near to bursting with all of them. Alas, there was never enough time for him to just sit back and attend to all the things that needed doing. Something else always took priority.

“I should make a chunk of time for that type of thing each Saintsday morning,” Vee muttered as the far-viewing crystal started to glow. “Chip away at it a little bit at a time.”

“Focus up, boss,” Reginald said from his perch on the table next to Vee’s water. “You’re crossing your eyes like you do when you’re thinking about something too complicated for you, and I don’t want you looking stupid when the other [Dungeon Masters] can see you.”

Vee glared over at his hat. “I do not cross my eyes when I’m thinking hard.”

“How would you know? Always have a mirror handy? Ask the big guy the next time you see him. He’ll tell you the truth.” `

“This is not a productive discussion, so it should stop.” Zeiken interrupted. “Plenty of important things hinge on our ability to present ourselves well during this meeting, and I don’t want the [Dungeon Master] distracted by worrying about whether or not his eyes are crossed.”

Reginald growled softly, but was cut off from replying by a quartet of tiny blue-green projections emanating out from the far-viewing crystal. Each one belonged to another [Dungeon Master], though they only captured the person’s shoulders and heads. Or at least they were supposed to. One of Vee’s peers had apparently misaligned the crystal so that it was focused on their chest and armpits. The misalignment wasn’t as bad as it could have been – Vee had heard horror stories about far-viewing crystal mishaps – but the crackling shuffle as the poor soul tried to correct the issue did wonders for his confidence. He was an equal here.

Have to make sure I remember that.

Zeiken bowed and picked Reginald up before taking him out of the room. Vee steadied himself, feeling [Stiffen Spine] activating as he endeavored to sit up straight and look proper.

The salamander’s voice crackled and filled the room. “Hendon, your crystal isn’t properly aligned.”

Vee looked down at the sheet of paper on his side. Zeiken had written it up the night before, and it had some information about all of Vee’s fellow [Dungeon Masters]. The salamander was Deina Sohrik, and she was from Amespool. Her dungeon was…the Lilypad Labyrinth! According to Zeiken, she was kind of the de facto leader of the dungeon development committee, and she was the one who generally controlled most of the discussions and negotiations. Vee did his best to surreptitiously skim the other notes he had for her. Nothing too useful; she was a skilled, forceful talker – not quite an [Orator], but close – and had excellent taste in wine. That made sense, given that she was a [Wine Afficionado]. She was crafty and persistent, but Zeiken thought she might have a weakness for gifts and favors.

Vee wasn’t entirely sure why he needed to know such a thing – they were friendly associates, right? – but the yellow salamander had insisted it was important. ”Always keep an eye on a handle you can twist if need be,” the [Doortune Teller] had said.

As such, Vee had been instructed to offer her a bottle of vintage emberberry wine, if he could find a good window to do so. Zeiken had written down gift ideas for the other [Dungeon Masters] too, but Vee remembered Deina’s the best.

“Oh crap, sorry about that. One second,” a man’s voice said, and a few seconds later another human’s face replaced the torso projection. Hendon Trisdale, from Sunglass Castle in Shontsdale. He was smiling sheepishly, dressed in a fancy suit with an expensive cloak wrapped around his shoulders. His handsome features were sharp, and one of his eyes looked to be a different color than the rest, though Vee couldn’t say what either of them were due to the way they looked through the far-viewing crystal.

Something felt unnatural in the man’s demeanor, Vee decided. The smile was too practiced to be real, and the notes Zeiken had provided didn’t suggest that Hendon would be the type of man to make such a mistake with his crystal. Was it as careless as it seemed? Or was there something else at play?

[A bit of healthy suspicion can be good from time to time.]

[Devious Mind +1]

Resolving to pay extra careful attention to everything Hendon said, Vee looked over at the other [Dungeon Masters]. The kitrekin with heavy eyes who was resting her head on her paw was Amity Sureclaw, the [Woodsmith] from Yew’s Rise. Apparently she was intelligent but short-tempered. She didn’t much like meetings, and was often late.

The final [Dungeon Master] was Orij Everdark, an enigmatic elkin from Old Narluc. Allegedly. Vee couldn’t really see much of anything beneath the fellow’s heavy robe, and Zeiken’s notes were incredibly sparse. Heck, his salamander associate hadn’t even been able to figure out what the elkin’s primary class was!

Vee’s clenched his fist to keep from shivering as he felt all four gazes settle on him. Of all the [Dungeon Masters] involved in the dungeon development committee, he was the only one who hadn’t been personally involved in any of the previous meetings or discussions. That wouldn’t be a problem, so long as he didn’t say something stupid.

“Mister Vales, it’s a pleasure to finally get the chance to speak to you,” Deina said. “A shame that it’s not in person, but that’s just how life works sometimes.”

She was smiling, and Vee did his best to return her greeting with grace and dignity. “Indeed, the pleasure is all mine, Madam Sohrik. I’m grateful for the opportunity to speak with all of you, and I’m looking forward to working together.”

The words felt a little stiff as they came off his tongue. Instinctively, he was doing his best to emulate his father’s demeanor – cribbed together from half-remembered times he’d watched Tyrion work through the crack in his father’s office door – and it just didn’t feel quite right.

I’m no [Tycoon]. It doesn’t do me any good to try and pretend to be one.

Still, the act of talking was therapeutic in its own way, and Vee felt himself relaxing as he continued. More introductions followed the first, and Vee was pleased to find that his first impressions matched Zeiken’s notes almost perfectly.

When that was finished, the sound of shuffling paper announced that it was time to begin properly. As expected, Deina took the lead.

“Our first order of business today is our response to an inquiry I received a few days ago. An [Agent] representing a semi-retired celebrity adventurer named Richter Arnis has asked if we’d be interested in hiring his client to be our Storymaker.”

Vee hadn’t ever heard the term before, but he didn’t want to reveal his lack of knowledge by asking what it meant. It seemed like a simple enough word though, so he figured he could safely put it together as the conversation continued.

“It might be wise to invest in a good storymaker,” Hendon said calmly. “But I want to know more about him first. Who is he? What are his levels? Most importantly, how much is he charging?”

More shuffling paper. “Fifteen years ago, he was a level 45 [Treasure Hunter] and a level 44 [Whip Master]. Made a name for himself on the B and C dungeon circuits by extracting every bit of loot present in any dungeon he entered. Secret rooms, bonus guardians, nothing could slow him down or stop him. Had a flair for dramatic duels with [Dungeon Champions] too. Some real stunning upsets here and there. However, he was also something of a [Party Animal], and spent more money than he earned on all manner of illicit goods and substances. As such, he supplemented his dungeon sports career with a bit of…let’s call it unsanctioned archeology, and during a trip to the lair of a [Dancing Necromancer] he was cursed with Permanent Level Decay and Permanent Random Level Display. These days, his level fluctuates between level 12 and level 36 in both of his primary classes. His [Agent] asked for three hundred gold fleurs in exchange for his storymaker services. We would, of course, be splitting that equally between ourselves if we agreed to hire him.”

Nobody said anything right away, and Vee tightened his fingers around the armrest of his chair as his [Budgeting] skill triggered and told him to be wary of the number. Sixty gold fleurs was simultaneously not too bad a price but far too much to pay. He thought it over for a moment longer. There was no question that he had the money, but such an expenditure would be another deep cut into his reserves for paying Sacre back, and Vee wasn’t really willing to part with so much coin without a better understanding of what a storymaker actually did. His assumptions based on the name alone wouldn’t be particularly useful here, so Vee swallowed hard and decided to ask for more clarification the best way he could think of.

“Three hundred gold fleurs? Is that really a fair price for him? I must admit some degree of ignorance regarding the storymaker market, but that seems like an extravagant sum.”

“Richter has plenty of connections in the media. Several [Reporters] are friendly to him, and they’re sure to pick up news about our venture if we hire him. He’s provided a similar service for several other dungeon development committees, and so far as I can see it’s been a positive experience for them.”

“Seems like a waste of money to me,” Orij said. His voice was raspy, and seemed to echo ever so slightly on some syllables. “We do not need a storymaker, and his skills as a [Treasure Hunter] won’t do him any good in my dungeon. We are not interested in martial conflicts the same way the rest of you are. My vote is that we do not accept his proposal.”

“I agree,” Amity growled. “Why spend money on a fabricated storymaker when we can trust that someone challenging our dungeons naturally will provide the same level of exposure and interest that this Richter might. Besides, even if his levels are random and decaying, he’s too high for most of your [Dungeon Champions]. My golem is approximately a level 30, depending on how you measure, and I don’t think it’d be wise for us to actively recruit adventurers well beyond our ability to contend with.”

Deina frowned. “I think you two are underestimating the value a dedicated storymaker can provide. Having one would allow us to, let’s say, tailor the first impressions our dungeons give to the wider world.”

Vee furrowed his brow. “Are you suggesting that he’ll throw fights against our [Dungeon Champions]?”

The suggestion brought to mind something from a few months back, where there’d been allegations of match fixing in some of the bouts involving upcoming celebrity adventurer Canis III. The investigation, like so many of its kind, had failed to uncover any conclusive evidence, but Vee knew that the guild and regulators were extra wary of so-called “unsporting” runs.

“Nothing of the sort,” Deina hurried to say. “He’s simply an experienced adventurer with plenty of [Dungeon Champion] fights under his belt, so he knows how to get the best spectacle of his bouts. Of course he’d be trying his best to win and we’d be doing our best to stop him, but there are a lot of moving parts in the background for something like this and we could use all the help we can get.”

Orij looked primed to say something more, but Hendon held up his hand and said smoothly, “Let’s move on to the next order of business. We can return to this matter at the end of the meeting, once we’ve discussed some other things and have settled some other details.”

“I think that’s a great idea,” Deina said quickly. Too quickly, Vee thought. Maybe he was just being suspicious for no reason – Zeiken had said that Deina and Hendon were often in agreement on matters even when it didn’t necessarily make sense for them to be – but he definitely got the impression that the salamander had discretely signaled the other [Dungeon Master] to change the subject. His suspicions about Hendon surged back to the forefront of his mind, made even stronger by the way Deina was added to their number.

He had no idea why, but he couldn’t help but feel like he was a tourist watching someone put a coin underneath one of three cups on a table and telling him to watch it while they shuffled it around.

Vee leaned forward. He was determined that no matter what twists and turns came from here, he wouldn’t miss any little tricks with the metaphorical cups before his eyes.

Main Character Sheets:

Vee Vales

Primary Class: Ghost Maestro (Locksmagister University), Level 30

Secondary Class: Dungeon Master (Oar’s Crest), Level 21

Tertiary Class: Guy-Who-Takes-Things-WAY-Too-Far (Self), Level 5

Might: 14

Wit: 35

Faith: 21

Adventurousness: 7

Ambition: 14

Plotting: 20

Charisma: 15

Devious Mind: 24 (+1)

Leadership: 17

Guts: 14

Intimidating Presence: 10

Citizenship: 21

Public Relations: 8

Determination: 2

Persuasiveness: 3

Bargaining: 1

Patience: 1

<3***Infatuation***<3

Alforde Armorsoul (UNCHANGED FROM LAST CHAPTER):

Primary Class: Hammer Afficionado (Self), Level 26

Secondary Class: Right-hand man (Vee Vales), Level 14

Tertiary Class: Dungeon Champion (Oar’s Crest), Level 16

Additional Class: Glaciernaut (Sacha Silverblade), Level 8

Might: 48

Wit: 13

Faith: 28

Adventurousness (Bound – Vee Vales): 9

Endurance: 25

Intimidating Presence: 12

Heart of a Champion: 11

Citizenship (Bound – Vee Vales): 8

Vigilance: 6

Vanity: 1

Reginald (UNCHANGED FROM LAST CHAPTER):

Primary Class: Core Spirit (Unknown), Level ???

--~%@(%$@ &% (*$ #&#e !i$$ (#$%#$%#$@!)~--, #$v@& ????

Secondary Class: Loudmouth (Self), Level 40

Tertiary Class: Majordomo (Vee Vales), Level 16

Additional Class: Announcer (Vee Vales), Level 8

Might: 1

Wit: 33

Faith: 15

Ambition: 27

Greed: 23

Deceptiveness: 27

Manipulativeness: 38

$#&*!@!!: !!!

Loyalty: 47

Patience: 8

Irritability: 21

[#&%%%@%!#@__--#%]

Hop@#!! @#$@!@#

@#$@%%^

#4^5#*&_!+++#(@$#

Citizenship (Bound – Vee Vales): 8