Dungeons Are Bad Business

Cornelius and a handful of other old men sat at a table inside the diner. They were talking and laughing loudly as Vee entered, good-natured bellyaching about the ills of modern life. Such was the way of old men everywhere, the [Dungeon Master] thought. He’d seen plenty of similar circles back in Bardis, though they’d been much richer, not to mention better dressed.

The diner itself was clean and well-maintained, but the décor was dated and it smelled a little funny. Like lemon-water, Vee thought, his nose twitching and itching. An old, faded painting of a married couple – the owners, maybe? – sitting at a table with glasses of wine in their hands and giant smiles on their faces hung behind the counter, and there were several crusty pies with slices missing rotating around in cylindrical cases. Before coming to Oar’s Crest, Vee would have turned his nose up at such things, but he was coming to appreciate the hominess of the display.

The old dungeon sports enthusiast waved Vee over and introduced him to the group. “This here is the [Dungeon Master] of Crestheart, fellas. Go ahead and say hi!”

They did so, and Vee returned their smiles as he sat down beside them and ordered a small coffee. The weary [Waitress] called him ‘hon’ as she put the drink down a few minutes later, and told him to holler if he wanted anything else.

Given the stale bitterness of the coffee, Vee suspected he wasn’t going to be ordering anything else, but he thanked her as warmly as he could and resigned himself to finishing the cup. It wouldn’t do to waste it. He hid his frown behind another sip, taking some consolation from the fact that at three bronze fleurs it’d at least been cheap.

Cornelius scraped up the last few greasy potato bits from his plate with his spoon and popped them into his mouth. He closed his eyes and sighed in contentment, then turned his attention to Vee.

“So, what do you want to hear about first?” Cornelius asked as he leaned forward with the excited grin of a person with a hobby and a captive audience. Vee thought it looked a little wolfish, honestly.

“I’m fine with wherever you want to start,” the [Dungeon Master] answered, slugging down another sip of coffee. He fought to keep his face neutral as he swallowed, but he couldn’t quite hide the body-wide shudder that happened a moment later. “I’d love to learn as much about the history of dungeon sports as I can. It’s like that old saying, right? The lessons of the past provide protection against would-be pitfalls of the future and all that.”

That…probably wasn’t exactly how the saying went, but Vee figured it was close enough. It said what he’d wanted to, and that was what really mattered.

Cornelius smiled and rubbed his chin. “Let us begin with some of the first dungeons I ever visited. I was but a boy, then, my front teeth missing, and my father took us all to go and visit Thamus, the so-called Treetower Dungeon. It was the biggest tree I’d ever seen, and the viewing crystals we had to watch the runs barely showed us anything. The enchantments weren’t as efficient, in those days. Just some grainy, blurry images here and there. Nothing at all like the high quality stuff we have today.”

“Ain’t that the truth!” Another man said. Vee hadn’t got his name. “Why, I watched this [Cabaret Dancer] performance the other day, and when she –“

A third man punched the second, silencing him before he finished his sure-to-be ribald anecdote.

Vee took another sip of his coffee and resisted the urge to drum his fingers on the table. He wasn’t entirely sure where Cornelius was going with this bit about viewing crystals, but he decided that he didn’t mind the wandering trip to get there. The old man’s voice was pleasant to listen to.

[Good things come to those who wait. You can now earn points in Patience!]

[Patience +1]

Nearly two hours later, Vee finally pried himself away from the group and left the diner. His head was spinning with names, places, and classes that he’d never heard of before – and doubted that he would again – and he was thoroughly coffee’d out. It’d left a…unique…aftertaste, and he had a sneaking suspicion that his stomach would be making its displeasure known later.

“Thanks for behaving yourself in there,” he said to his hat as he crossed the street.

“You’re welcome. It was harder than I thought it would be. Geez, those old guys could really go on and on,” Reginald said. “I hate to say it, but that was a pretty colossal waste of time, boss. You didn’t learn anything useful.”

“I disagree,” Vee said as he tucked his hands into his pockets and turned down the next street toward the council building. “We didn’t get a step-by-step list of things that we need to have implemented yesterday in order to be successful, but there were lessons and things that stood out that we can draw from.”

“Like what?”

Vee rubbed his chin, trying to think about the best way to frame the thought slowly coming together in his mind. He knew what he wanted to say, but it was the how that was giving him trouble. Wasn’t that always how it went?

“Most of the stories weren’t really about the dungeons or the [Dungeon Champions],” he said finally. “They were about the people telling them. The dungeon stuff was all background.”

“That’s what I’m saying. We don’t care about impressing a new boss or making bets with friends, do we? Weren’t we hoping to get some ideas about things we could use to make Crestheart better?”

“No,” Vee said. “You’re missing the point. The dungeons in those stories were a gathering point, a place where people came together to share in something bigger than themselves. They could all root for their [Dungeon Champion], their hometown heroes. They visited with their parents and grandparents, brought dates and spent time there with friends as young adults, and then took their kids and grandkids. The dungeons were a community center.”

Reginald was quiet for a moment as Vee headed back toward the city council office. “Fine. But we’re already working on expanding the ancillaries around Crestheart, and Kai will be working on that verdant construction this spring too. How does this new revelation help us, exactly?”

“I’m not entirely sure yet,” Vee admitted. Things were still swirling around in his skull. “I can vaguely see the end point, but I’m not sure how we get there from where we are. It’s one thing to say that a [Dungeon Champion] should be a hometown hero, but another thing entirely to turn Alforde into one. I’ll have to think about it some more.”

Reginald was quiet the rest of the way, and Vee was extra mindful of his temper as he navigated the labyrinth of bureaucracy to try and get a spot in the upcoming council meeting. Naturally, it required filing forms in triplicate, and Vee bit back a scathing retort when the [Clerk] at the counter wished him a nice day. It wasn’t her fault that the process was so needlessly complex and convoluted. Instead, he smiled and said, “Thanks, you too!”

[Public Relations +1]

Alforde brought his hammer up and slammed it down for what felt like the hundredth time, though in reality it was only the fortieth or fiftieth. As he swung, he tried to focus on his pauldrons and gauntlets, optimizing the movements to the best of his ability. A little tighter in the pauldrons, a little looser in the gauntlets. Slammy’s head rang out against the stage and the weapon bounced back up, and Alforde grunted as he strained to get the hammer back under control.

He paused before his next rep. Though Alforde had no muscles, he was tired; trying to perfect the attack was draining. However, the [Dungeon Champion] knew it wasn’t yet time to stop. His domain work was coming along and progressing nicely – he could consistently summon it now, even if it didn’t last long –but he couldn’t shake the lingering sense that his skills were lacking. Even when he managed to avoid the worst of Holly’s trickery, she was beyond his ability to defeat.

Alforde didn’t know who was coming to participate in the circuit, but he couldn’t shake his image of them from his mind. That was part of the problem, as he didn’t think that they were lightning-breathing demigods in truth, but every ounce of his intuition screamed at him to prepare as if they were.

Another rep, and then another. Each time he went through the familiar motions, there were little hitches, delays and mistakes that bothered him. Alforde felt his frustrations bubbling up, but instead of letting them boil over he hammered them with his will into a renewed sense of purpose and tried again. It was normal to struggle from time to time, and he’d been making so much progress lately that it was only natural for him to stumble. With time and perseverance, he’d fine-tune this attack until he got it to work the way he wanted it to every time. It was just like a piece of metal in need of proper shaping, he’d get it right eventually.

[Endurance +1]

He'd gotten so caught up in his inner thoughts that he hadn’t noticed the shift in his balance. He’d leaned forward ever so slightly, and when he brought Slammy down this time it landed with more force than he was expecting.

Another dozen swings later, Alforde got another point of Might and decided that he could probably go ahead and stop for the day. As he stood up and shook his plates to make sure that none of them were overly tight or constricted in ways they shouldn’t be, the door to his arena opened and Zeiken the salamander walked in.

He looked tired; the bags under his eyes were larger than Alforde remembered, and his door scraped the stairs as he carried it down.

“[Dungeon Champion], it’s good to see you again,” Zeiken said. His voice was a little flat, but the emotion in carried was genuine, and Alforde tilted his helmet in acknowledgement. “How goes your training? Getting a handle on a new technique?”

Alforde shrugged. “It’s a work in progress, but I’ll get there eventually. How was your trip?”

“Extremely productive, I must say. There will be more to do once the furor of the development committee is finished, but for now I’m looking forward to seeing what’s opening up here in Oar’s Crest. Specifically, right now I’m looking for Vee. There’s a meeting with the other [Dungeon Masters] approaching, and I'd like help him lock down our priorities and our position before then. Would you happen to know where he is?”

“He went out to discuss some dungeon sports history with someone in town,” Alforde said. “I’m not sure when he’ll be back.”

“I see,” Zeiken said. “In that case, do you mind if I wait down here with you until he returns? I’d like to observe your training.”

“Erm, well normally I’d say yes, but I’m actually finished for the day,” Alforde said, feeling a little embarrassed. Should he do a few more reps since Zeiken was here?

It probably couldn’t hurt, right?

“Please don’t mind me,” the salamander said as he sat down on the platform. “Pretend I’m not even here, okay?”

Main Character Sheets:

Vee Vales

Primary Class: Ghost Maestro (Locksmagister University), Level 30

Secondary Class: Dungeon Master (Oar’s Crest), Level 21

Tertiary Class: Guy-Who-Takes-Things-WAY-Too-Far (Self), Level 5

Might: 14

Wit: 35

Faith: 21

Adventurousness: 7

Ambition: 14

Plotting: 20

Charisma: 15

Devious Mind: 23

Leadership: 17

Guts: 14

Intimidating Presence: 10

Citizenship: 21

Public Relations: 8 (+1)

Determination: 2

Persuasiveness: 3

Bargaining: 1

Patience: 1

<3***Infatuation***<3

Alforde Armorsoul:

Primary Class: Hammer Afficionado (Self), Level 26

Secondary Class: Right-hand man (Vee Vales), Level 14

Tertiary Class: Dungeon Champion (Oar’s Crest), Level 16

Additional Class: Glaciernaut (Sacha Silverblade), Level 8

Might: 48 (+1)

Wit: 13

Faith: 28

Adventurousness (Bound – Vee Vales): 9

Endurance: 25 (+1)

Intimidating Presence: 12

Heart of a Champion: 11

Citizenship (Bound – Vee Vales): 8

Vigilance: 6

Vanity: 1

Reginald :

Primary Class: Core Spirit (Unknown), Level ???

--~%@(%$@ &% (*$ #&#e !i$$ (#$%#$%#$@!)~--, #$v@& ????

Secondary Class: Loudmouth (Self), Level 40

Tertiary Class: Majordomo (Vee Vales), Level 16

Additional Class: Announcer (Vee Vales), Level 8

Might: 1

Wit: 33

Faith: 15 (+1)

Ambition: 27

Greed: 23

Deceptiveness: 27

Manipulativeness: 38

$#&*!@!!: !!!

Loyalty: 47

Patience: 8 (-1)

Irritability: 21

[#&%%%@%!#@__--#%]

Hop@#!! @#$@!@#

@#$@%%^

#4^5#*&_!+++#(@$#

Citizenship (Bound – Vee Vales): 8