Dream of The Beginning

Deep frown appeared on his face when Ryan looked at Hinako Akuta in the front, and the inscrutable Yu Miaoyi behind him. Both were essentially the same person, and he also had some feelings for them.

What he didn't want to see had ended up happening nonetheless. Now that they had met, he ought to make the choice.

Ryan glanced at Yu Miaoyi. What he felt quite odd was that despite she wished for the other party's death, Yu herself had no hatred or killing intent toward Hinako Akuta. Even now, she merely looked at Hinako with a strange smile instead of bitter resentment.

Hinako herself was also perplexed seeing another her who spoke of her death lightly like it was no big deal. Yet, for some reason, she could feel the sincerity within the other party's eyes.

"...really, what are you trying to say, lady?" Ryan broke their silent face off as he turned around to look at Yu Miaoyi.

She asked him to kill Hinako Akuta. However, did she mean it literally?

Killing Hinako Akuta bore no apparent merits for Yu Miaoyi as her existence was based on her recorded self on the Throne of Heroes. Now that she also cut off her connection with the Throne, it wouldn't even affect her one bit if Hinako Akuta of this worldline was killed or not.

The act of killing itself was a deliberate act to put a forced end on someone alive, resulting in the death of target.

Then, why did it have to be him who she asked to kill Hinako Akuta?

There should be a meaning to it if he did the act than if anyone else did.

He did have the strength to kill Hinako Akuta, but likewise, there were others who could do the same. Her immortality was not unlimited after all. If the condition was right, it would be easy to kill Hinako Akuta like one did with a normal human.

If anything, what made him different from other people would be his previous relationship with Hinako Akuta of this worldline, and... his identity.

"...you seem to have figured it out, so why ask?" Yu smiled lightly in return.

When she saw that the earlier confusion on Ryan's face had disappeared, and he had a complicated expression as he looked at her and Hinako Akuta, she felt that Ryan had faintly perceived her meaning.

In truth, she probably knew about him more than he did himself. At that time when they briefly shared their lifelong memories, she saw the movie which was Ryan's life.

It's not that Ryan was too dense, or unable to understand her reason. Instead, he was just too perceptive on other's meaning and feelings, so much that he chose to not realize them.

He...just preferred to maintain the status quo. Not wanting to hurt, or to be hurt.

A coward, in literal sense.

Although he didn't start as one, but after the repeated betrayal and having realized the skewed truth of reality, he became the kind of person he once hated most at later part of his life...

That was why he mostly played dumb or unmotivated for most of the time in his previous life. As a result, though, there were a lot of "ifs" left on his past.

When that incident changed his life then, he promised to live through his desire and feelings in his second life. Even if he was to challenge Heaven and Earth along his way, he would just charge through them. True to his promise, he did change his way in his early life in this world.

And yet.

Now that he had suddenly gained a seemingly omnipotent Sixth Magic, his spirit which previously burned brightly, had gradually lost its drive. She could feel it clearly as she remembered that fateful night when he asked for her help.

In her heart, she felt that he was better off as a human, rather than a divine being...

At this point, if nothing changed, it wouldn't take a long time before his spirit became cold and indifferent to worldly affairs as he gradually turned into a god-like being.

It was true that none could grant him a new beginning. But, no one said that others could not give him the push to keep moving forward.

Especially since he wanted to be her man, then, it was even more reason for her to not let him rot in his own omnipotence...

"No women like a boring person, Ryan. If you want something, take it even if by force. If you want to do something, do it thoroughly. Don't be half-hearted.

"No matter if what you do is good or bad to others, since I have chosen to stay with you, I will accompany you even if you ascend to heaven or descend to hell.

"...just so you know, she also agrees to this."

'But if it were her, she won't do it like what I am doing...'

Ryan understood that Yu Miaoyi referred to Artoria. From the looks of it, it seemed that Artoria already caught on her purpose earlier than him.

After saying those words, Yu Miaoyi left Ryan alone as she disappeared swiftly into the shadow.

Hinako Akuta seemed to realize something when she overheard their talk. She lowered her guard as she then looked at Ryan deeply.

Ryan pondered for few seconds. His eyes glimmered slightly as he looked at Hinako Akuta. "Guess I owe you an explanation. Can we talk for a bit?"

"...fine. I also want to know what's the deal with her." Hinako shot him a doubtful look before she turned to look at the place where Yu Miaoyi once was.

Ryan then led her away from the immediate vicinity of Clock Tower. It was not to his liking to have others, if any, to hear what he wanted to speak with Hinako Akuta.

They both soon arrived at a secluded coffee bar. As it stood, there was only one other customer beside them who was in that place, otherwise it could be deemed as empty.

'Is it just my imagination?'

Ryan felt that the lone customer was somewhat familiar for some reason.

"One mocha, please. What about you, lady?"

"Just whatever."

"Oh, one caffe latte for her then."

"...you kidding me? Espresso. Double!"

The waiter looked awkwardly as Ryan and Hinako were staring at each other. From her point of view, 'Please don't have your lover's quarrel here. We only advocate pacifists here…'

Ryan smiled lightly, he relented, "Ah, scratch that, please go with what she wants, young miss."

"Sure!" The waiter left with a smile, thought silently to herself as she walked to her husband who was the barista.

'Young guys these days, ah.'

To be called young miss by a kid in his late teen when she was already in mid-twenties, it felt kinda weird to her.

When Ryan saw the waiter had left, he looked at Hinako. "So, where do you think I should begin?"

"…who is that woman? And what's her relation with you? Surely you did not do anything weird to her right?! I mean, even if she looks like me, she could not possibly be–" Hinako kept shooting him more questions before he could even reply to the first one, leaving him stunned slightly at her unexpected fervor.

Ryan "…"

Well, I'd probably be the same as her if I suddenly meet another me. That's it if that other 'me' don't suddenly attack me with all he gets like that crazy bastard.

"Ok, I understand your point, lady. First of all, she is you. Like, for real."

"Huh?"

"Hmm, surely you didn't forget that time when last time we met, right? I was going to summon a Servant for participating in Holy Grail War before you came to my place then. Well, the rest is just like what you're thinking…

"She was my Servant, now she is my companion."

"You… you do realize you're a bastard, right?"

Her stare was cold, and Ryan could feel that she despised him.

If there was even the tiniest bit of feeling she had for him from back then, it had been likely extinguished now.

"And what's the deal with her wanting you to kill me…? You two could just leave me all alone here, and going on with your own life. I don't even need to know this shit."

Her indifferent gaze was piercing his heart as she spoke coldly to him.

She was different from Yu Miaoyi who had followed him since the Holy Grail War. She was still the Hinako Akuta who was set on looking for her own land of respite, wishing to reunite with her former husband Xiang Yu and relived her past peaceful days.

Even so, since Yu asked him to "kill" Hinako Akuta, he would not betray her expectation…

Ryan smiled, albeit slightly. "You already guessed why I am telling you this, lady. I am a greedy person, and I won't deny it."

"That's why I said you are such a bastard."

This might hurt him and her, but he wouldn't care about it anymore. He had a lot of regrets before because he often kept to his own boundary, keeping himself from potentially hurting or being hurt by others.

Even if one lies to themself that time would heal everything, but who actually know whether their wounds are really healed, or are they merely buried by a lot of problems coming into their life?

Since it would hurt either way, Ryan rather chose to face the pain in straightforward manner now.

"I want you to accompany me, Hinako Akuta. Please stay with me."

...the air around them had turned into an awkward silence after Ryan spoke his mind.

"..."

Hinako had quite an expression at that moment. Her expression was saying like, 'To think this bastard has the audacity...!'

She didn't know whether to be angry or not as she looked at him. She wanted to mock him, but his determination was also quite surprising to her.

Even if it was only a fleeting moment, she couldn't help feeling a stir in her heart. Though, that feeling quickly cooled off.

The waiter lady smiled sweetly as she arrived at their table, "This is your order, lady and gentleman. Hope you'd have a good day."

After the waiter lady had left them, Hinako looked at Ryan's expectant eyes as she smiled.

"I see. But, I refuse."

Ryan, despite having expected that kind of answer, still felt disappointed no matter how much he had prepared himself.

More than that, however, a sense of relief also spread through his being, as though a shackle had been lifted from his heart.

"...I understand. I already kinda expected this answer, but hearing it directly still stings, lady." Ryan smiled helplessly as he then sipped his coffee. Its sweet taste slightly soothed the bitter emotion he was currently feeling.

"Heh! Serves you right."

Ryan smiled sadly. The feeling he had for Hinako Akuta had been "killed".

This bitterness... this rejection... It reminded him of that time in his past when he was rejected by his first crush.

Now that I think about it, how is she now..? Still, I feel better somehow. This bitter feeling is not that bad, I guess.

Human has seven emotions;

Joy. Anger. Grief. Worry. Fear. Sentiments. Affection.

And six desires;

Lust. Vanity. Dignity. Pleasant Sounds. Good Life/Death. Sensual Pleasure.

If one loses their emotions and desires entirely, would they still be human?

What Yu Miaoyi desired of him was to face his own heart, feeling out the lost emotions he had after his acquisition of Sixth Magic, and pulling him out of his own decadence.

Her wish to "kill" Hinako Akuta was merely the trigger for him to remember that he was a human, that he had emotions and desires too.

Either way, even if he chose to kill Hinako Akuta in literal sense, or he chose to kill the image of Hinako Akuta in his heart, Yu's goal would be achieved. Although, the end result might differ depending on his choice...

"...what about her? What do you want to do with her?" Hinako Akuta suddenly asked.

"Her?"

"You really like playing dumb, don't you?"

Ryan was silent for a while. He looked at Hinako with strange gaze as he replied earnestly, "Of course, I won't give her up. Selfish as it may be, but I won't let her leave me. And I won't leave her either."

"Is that so? Hmph. I finally understood what she wanted. Let's end our talk here. There is nothing more I want to say to a bastard like you."

There was only lingering smell of espresso on her cup as Hinako left the coffee bar.

When she was quite a distance away from Ryan, Yu Miaoyi had seemingly waited at the intersection of the road. Their eyes met as soon as they recognized each other's existence.

Yu's eyes seemed to see through Hinako's inner thought as she smiled strangely to her, "You know what...we are not a good liar. In order to hide our true self, for us, keeping our silence is the best way. But now, you are just fooling yourself. Pathetic."

"It's none of your business, faker." Hinako sneered when she saw the annoying smirk on Yu Miaoyi.

It is the first time she ever hates herself so much. That look which said as if 'she' knows all about herself... That's what truly irritating her the most.

"Really, I hoped that he'd kill you to send you to the Throne of Heroes, to reunite with lord Xiang Yu. But, whatever. Since he chose this path, so be it. I won't argue with you anymore. You can go living your own life, chase your wish even if it burns you."

'It seems like he didn't tell her about the Sixth Magic. Heh. This kind of selfishness… it is really human-like of him.'

Yu smiled faintly as she looked at Hinako Akuta. When she was about to walk away, Hinako turned around as she asked her, "Hey, who are you, really?"

"Isn't it obvious? I am the future you. From the line of future where we realized our wish even if it was merely a fleeting dream."

"...why'd you still stay with him? If you have realized your wish, then–!"

"I, too, wonder why... is it because he won't let me go? Or is it because we are both similar kind of people? I don't really know the reason, but, I know that I don't dislike my current life."

Hinako Akuta pondered over her words as she returned to her small flat. As she lighted up the place, the sight of neat room full of books, whether historical or fictions, were full on display. Potted plants of various sizes from small cup to a slightly large pot was arranged nicely at the windowsill and across the room, giving one a refreshing feeling of nature.

This was her home, albeit temporary, as she was granted this place after agreeing to Marisbury's invitation.

However, is this truly her place?

No. If anything, after drifting along from places to places for a long time, hardly anything could truly be called a place where she could return to…

'But, my future… ugh, what am I supposed to feel after knowing it?'