Dial H for Heroics

Jack waited on the bridge, eyes on the city below. How many people were going to

have a better day because he had done something? He had no idea. He doubted the

Society wanted him to do a poll of survivors of monsters he had saved.

Things were objectively better with some of the more corrupt elements gone from the

top. He still had to work on some of the middle managers of evil to really allow for

some sprucing up.

He wondered how Russ Two was taking her secret being known. Would they decide

to get rid of him and Josie? Did they want to go in as honorary Ducklings? Seven

identical girls running around in the same city as they were would be nothing but

confusion and trouble.

If he hadn’t met Elaine, he could see hooking up with seven identical girls would

have some sort of appeal to a guy who had more stamina than he did.

Mister Warner walked on the bridge with a whooshing of the elevator doors. He

turned his frowning face on the screen. He paused in what he was about to say as

Josie and Elaine popped from the screen.

“Where are your goblins?,” asked Jack.

“They’re in the south,” said Warner. “They have a sort of cavern system built down

there. I don’t know why they would come up to the surface. They have a sun

problem.”

“Maybe they got sun screen,” said Jack. He grinned at the expression that got him.

“It worked for the vampires in Blade.”

“It shouldn’t have,” said Warner. “Goyer has a bad habit of that.”

“What do you mean?,” asked Jack.

“Vampires are monsters fueled by curses,” said Warner. “They’re ghosts who walk

like the Phantom. They don’t have DNA to exploit so building a better vampire with

genesplicing is out. People just ignored that because they had a better type of vampire

that stills get wiped out by sunlight.”

“I take it you didn’t like Blade,” said Jack.

“The first two with Kristofferson were excellent,” said Warner. “The one with Ryan

Reynolds and Jessica Biel was iffy at best.”

“Blade versus Dracula was a given,” said Jack.

“Maybe,” said Warner. “Maybe bringing in Jack Russell would have been better,

expand the turf a little. And everyone just assumes werewolves have DNA, when they

might only have some depending on their origin story.”

“They might not have had the rights to Werewolf by Night,” said Jack. “Movie stuff

gets complicated compared to publishing rights.”

“I know,” said Warner. “I remember the Aquaman embargo. How long will it take for

you to take us down to this invasion site?”

“A couple of seconds,” said Jack. “Enterprise, set course south. Scan for non-humans.

We are looking for something that looks like a warren.”

“Affirmative,” said the machine.

Jack watched the small screen built into his chair. He noted various signatures, but

not a species marked off from humans. All he saw were singular examples out in the

wild.

A lone orc, or ogre, wandering around wasn’t his problem until it became his

problem. Then he planned to let Josie handle it.

The Enterprise came to a stop over a hole in the side of a hill. Several nearby villages

had been torched. Bodies were not present on the screen. Either the villagers had

escaped, been torched, or taken for some later use.

“Enterprise,” said Jack. “Can you scan for humans underground? I would like to

check for prisoners.”

A series of pings went to the main screen. They were deep underground according to

the readings. The transporter should be able to reach in and bring them out without

a problem. They didn’t have anywhere to go with the goblins waiting to attack again

at night.

“See if you can get the people out,” said Mister Warner. “I’ll go down and close the

warren up. They’ll be able to make an exit somewhere else, but that should stop

things for a while.”

“What do we do with the survivors?,” asked Jack. “They won’t be able to live here

with their crops burnt to the ground.”

“I don’t know,” said Warner. “I guess we can ask another village to take them in, but

there might not be enough food to go around.”

“We need something like the Red Cross for this,” said Jack. “Would a garrison take

them in?”

“I don’t know,” said Warner. “I think if we don’t do something, we might lose them

to the goblins.”

“Enterprise, lock on to all the human lifeforms we can detect,” said Jack. “Beam them

up to the transporter in the cargo bay. I’ll have to talk to them and find out what they

want to do. I could maybe make a town with walls if they want to stay out here.”

“Affirmative,” said the machine. “Energizing.”

“Let’s talk to them before we start on the goblins,” said Warner. “I don’t relish going

into those tunnels and rooting them out.”

“Tunnels are the worst,” said Jack. “But we can flood them out. I have a thing. All I

need is extra water from somewhere.”

“Let’s talk to the survivors,” said Warner. “They might not consider this a rescue.”

“All right,” said Jack. He pressed a button to trigger the intercom. “This is the captain

to passengers. I’m coming down to talk to you. Please remain calm. I plan to drop you

off at the nearest fort so you can try to rebuild. If you need anything else, think about

it while I am on the way.”

He cut off the intercom.

“There is only so much we’ll be able to do to help them,” warned the retired

champion of order.

“I know,” said Jack. “We need to make sure there weren’t any transported away

before we got here. We can still try to rescue them if there is some hope. I plan to do

something, even it’s just dropping torpedoes on top of that cave system and blowing

the roof off so I can get in there and use Blade.”

“All right,” said Warner.

They took the lift down to the designated deck and let the door open. The survivors

were shocked after the events of the night and the sudden rescue in a cloud of blue

sparks. They didn’t have enough left to glare at the new arrivals.

“I’m the captain, Jack,” said Jack. He looked the crowd over. He doubted any of the

people here wanted him to turn into Doctor Strange and work them over. They all

looked like they had had enough of monsters. “Is there someone here I can talk to

about making arrangements to put you back in human territory?”

“We were in human territory,” said one of the women. She was covered in scratches

and bruises. Pieces of her clothes had been ripped away. “Those things burned our

house down. They ate Mormiman after they stabbed him. I had to watch that. They

have to pay for what they did.”

“The border is still two-three days ride south of here,” said an older man. He had been

burned when they took him. Someone had covered his wound with a bandage made

from the sleeve of his shirt. “We had heard news that there was some unrest, but it has

been a long time since the goblins have raided like this.”

“There is a cavern entrance in the middle of your three villages,” said Warner. “Did

the goblins mention what clan they were from?”

“Iron Teeth,” said a young girl. The goblins had let her keep her stuffed animal, and

not much else. “I heard them say that. They ate Yoff. He tried to protect me. He was

the best dog. They killed him and ate him.”

“All right,” said Jack. “You’re safe here for the moment. I can check you out for

injuries upstairs. I can give you temporary quarters but there isn’t any furniture. I can

get you new clothes. I can get food for you. I can give you transportation to a

settlement further from the border so you can start over. I can build something on top

of one of your old places, but everything looked burned down so you won’t have

food, or time to bring in a new crop yield. You’re safe here until you figure out what

you want to do.”

“What about the goblins?,” asked the woman. She looked at the other injured

villagers. She didn’t know how they had made this miraculous escape, but it was

obvious they were dealing with magicians.

“What about them?,” asked Jack.

“They have to be punished,” said the woman. “They were going to eat us.”

“Whatever happens to the goblins won’t be your concern,” said Jack. “Take a

moment. Look around. You have a chance to start over. It’s not a lot right now. The

pain will lessen until you will barely feel it, but it will be more bearable than right

now.”

“What do you know about it?,” said the woman.

“Because I lost my future and I took my ten pounds of flesh for it,” said Jack. “And

it still hurts. I know a lot about it. But I decided to try to start over, and build a new

life. Every now and then I have a thought like I should kill part of a city to show

people they shouldn’t fool around, but I decide not to so I can keep working on

myself without having to reexamine every decision I make. It’s a process like

bringing in crops or making a blanket. You don’t just voila something out of nothing.

You have to work on it.”

The woman looked away. She sobbed. One of the other survivors hugged her.

“So the first thing to do is point you to places where you can clean up,” said Jack. “I

can bring blankets down here for you to sleep here or let you have guest rooms. I can

heal part of your injuries so you can get back on your feet. I’m going to walk outside

and let you talk and decide what you want to do.”

The champions stepped through the door into the corridor outside the hangar. Jack

could have asked for the Enterprise to relay everything said to him but he wanted to

give them a chance.

“You can’t voila something into existence?,” said Mister Warner.

“What do you think is going on?,” asked Jack.

“A new clan sprouted up and decided to test itself,” said Mister Warner. “They might

want to draw more clans over the line. After all, they have a tunnel under the

Southern Picket. All it needs is for a bunch of people to start killing goblins and the

clans will join up, and we will have a war on our hands.”

“What do you want to do about it?,” asked Jack. He was good with letting the

Enterprise drop some munitions on site to see what happened.

“I’m going to have to go down there and ask some questions,” said Mister Warner.

“Maybe close the tunnels up. I have some guys who could do the job. I don’t like they

decided to eat anyone they snagged up. Goblins don’t usually do that.”

“I don’t think it’s a good idea for you to go down there alone,” said Jack. “I think I

should go down with you and be ready with Gravity, or Blade.”

“I don’t need someone to hold my hand,” said Mister Warner.

“Josie will have a fit if her favorite comic shop owner gets taken out by Gringott’s

cousin,” said Jack. “So let’s both go down, find the goblins, and close the tunnels

off before they lead an invasion of the nearby lands.”

“This is just going to be a friendly chat,” said Mister Warner. “I haven’t had to clear

out tunnels in a long time.”

“I did right before I got out,” said Jack. “I think we can flood the thing if we had

some extra water from somewhere, like clearing out gopher holes.”

“What do you think the villagers will do?,” asked Mister Warner.

“Some of them will want to start over, some of them will want to kill themselves,

and some of them will hate and want to kill goblins,” said Jack. “I can’t make

them pick what I want. I could, but I think it would be crossing a line I’m not

ready to cross yet. I’m going to let Josie handle the mind control for our partnership.

She has a better handle how she wants to curse people than I do.”

“She always did,” said Mister Warner. He smiled.

“I know,” said Jack. “She could teach senior sailors and drill instructors some things.”

“How are you going to help these people?,” asked Mister Warner. “As soon as I break

this invasion, I’m back to the real world.”

“You could stay and help them out,” said Jack. “They’ll need someone to protect

them while they get their lives back together.”

“Do you really think I would be good for something like that?,” said Mister Warner.

“I’m not a babysitter.”

“I’m just saying you could stay on just long enough for them to build themselves back

up,” said Jack. “When they don’t need you, you can go back to retirement.”

“No more saving the world, just the town,” said Mister Warner. “I don’t see Zu going

for that. I was surprised he took June up on her ask. That’s why I think something is

up with the quest.”

“She might be stuck in one town, doing a small job?,” said Jack. “I can see that.”

“Three personas is not enough to handle everything unless one of them is a

superhuman Doctor Strange,” said Mister Warner. “They might want her to earn her

personas instead of just giving them to her like they did us. Maybe they don’t trust

her with the power.”

“I know I don’t,” said Jack.

“Let’s see what the survivors want to do,” said Mister Warner. “Then I have to start

on the rest of this.”

Jack led the way back on the hangar deck. He looked the group over. They were

calmer, and had expressed their emotions enough to have things under control. He

wondered what they would want to do.

“Did you guys decide what you want to do?,” said Jack.

“We want to rebuild our villages, but we only have enough people for one village,”

said the chosen spokesman, the man with the burn. “We need help rebuilding our

designated town away from the cave. We want a wall around the village for

protection.”

“I can do that,” said Jack. “I can head out somewhere and bring you a supply of food

that could last for a while, maybe long enough for you to farm for a season.”

“We will have to be near a main road to the capitol,” said the spokesman. “Hopefully

traffic will bring us something.”

“Let me deal with these goblins,” said Mister Warner. “Then I’ll talk to the Society

about staying on long enough to shepherd you back up to where you were. Is Kaile

still the high king?”

“His son was elected,” said the bitter woman. “He has been the high king for a few

years now.”

“Kyle,” said Mister Warner. He made a hmph noise. “Can all of you walk?”

“Yes,” said the spokesman. “Some of us have been wounded in the leg so it’s hard.”

“I can handle that part,” said Jack. “I don’t know if we have enough beds for you

guys, but I can get you to sick bay and start working on your bodies. I’m not that

great with mental problems.”

“I’m going down to deal with the goblins,” said Mister Warner. “I’ll talk to Zu about

helping you guys after I am done with that quest.”