Conquering His Cold Heart

111 Guilt Vs Greed

‘But I don’t think I will be able to give birth to your heirs, Caspian. I don’t think I will be alive for that long,’ Anastasia’s eyes were filled with tears when she said it in her heart.

She wanted to scream that out loud but those words refused to come out of her mouth.

“What happened? You don’t want to have children?” Caspian leaned closer to his wife and asked in his softest voice when he saw his wife’s eyes filled with tears and pain.

Anastasia quickly wiped her tears. She smiled and shook her head. And she whispered, “I would love to have children of our own. But...”

“But you are worried that they will be half human and half vampire?” Caspian completed her sentence when she was stuck after that ‘but’.

Anastasia didn’t say anything.

She was imagining a baby boy who resembled her and a baby girl who resembled Caspian playing in the garden full of fresh snow. In her imagination, she was sitting on a bench nearby while leaning her head on Caspian’s shoulder. And they were happily watching their children laughing and running around.

‘I want that,’ a soft voice echoed in her head. It was the voice of her innermost desire.

By now, Anastasia had believed that the anonymous letter that she had received on her birthday was a sick joke from someone.

.....

Because according to that letter, Caspian had something that could cure her. And it mentioned how he would offer that cure to her if and only if he fell in love with her. But at the same time, that letter had strictly prohibited her from revealing her illness to Caspian, without stating the reason why.

She had thought about the contents of that letter for countless times when she used to be alone.

And the more she thought about it, the less sense it made.

‘How can Caspian offer the cure when I don’t tell him that I am sick in the first place?’ That was the question that arose in her heart every time.

She knew for a fact that there were no vampire doctors with hundreds of years of experience who knew every secret about life and death. The vampires healed on their own. And she also knew that her husband wouldn’t be able to share that healing ability of his. If he could do that then he would have healed her current fever by now.

Thus, she had concluded that the letter was nothing more than a joke. And she had also concluded that there was no cure for her illness. She had accepted that she was going to die within a year.

That was the reason why she didn’t want to hide her illness from Caspian anymore. She didn’t want to keep him in the dark. She didn’t want him to be heartbroken if she suddenly lost her life. She wanted to apologize to him for thawing his heart only to leave it to freeze again.

But now that the words of her brother and the eagerness of her husband were ingrained in her mind, her guilt turned into her greed.

No matter how fake that anonymous letter looked, she wanted to believe in it for a second time.

‘What if there’s something that I am missing? What if my illness can be cured for real? But what if I spoil my chance at life by revealing my illness now?’

Anastasia questioned herself while looking into her husband’s eyes which were filled with nothing but love for her.

‘He will hate me for sure if he knows that I hid such a huge secret from him. He will loathe me if he knows that the very foundation of our relationship was built on a pile of lies and secrets. What if he starts to despise me and the cure won’t work even if he has it and gives it to me? Is that the reason why the letter asked me to hide my illness from him? So that he wouldn’t hate me or ignore me?’

Now that she thought about it again, she guessed the reason why the letter asked her to keep her illness a secret.

‘If Caspian knew that I was going to die within a year, would he have spared another glance at me when I arrived here as his tribute bride? I know now that he hates it when people close to him leave him forever... I think he would have ignored me until my death rather than warm up to me only to lose me in the blink of an eye.’

Her heart clenched when she further argued with herself, ‘If there’s even a two percent chance that I will live long enough to have our children, then I will take it. I want a few more years with him. A few months are not going to be enough for me. And I am sure that it’s the same for him as well.’

Anastasia got startled when Caspian suddenly nudged her.

“Wife, have you been paying attention to what I was saying?” he asked while looking into her eyes.

She quickly pulled up a smile and shook her head. “I’m sorry. I was lost in my own thoughts.”

Caspian narrowed his eyes and folded his arms. “I was explaining so many things and you didn’t hear a thing?”

“I’m really sorry. Will you explain them to me again?” Anastasia asked in a soft whisper.

She pushed away the thought of revealing her illness to him and focused on what he was about to say.

Caspian climbed on the bed and lay beside her. He rested his head on his palm and then enthusiastically began to explain everything all over again.

“I was saying that if we had children then they would be superior to vampires as well as humans. They are called Dhampirs. And they have the good qualities of both vampires and humans while they don’t have their weaknesses.”

“Really? Tell me more.” Anastasia turned on her side to face her husband and listen to him.

Caspian smiled and explained more. “They don’t drink blood, and neither are they cold like vampires. And the sunlight doesn’t affect them at all. At the same time, they are as fast and as strong as vampires. They can heal faster. And they are immortal. I also heard they are kind and compassionate like humans.”

“But I’m a little worried though,” Caspian took a deep breath in and said, “The chances of us having a baby is very low. There are only four Dhampirs in our record until now.”

“Then I hope we will become the next lucky couple,” Anastasia said that from the bottom of her heart.

She then shifted closer to her husband and hid her face so that he wouldn’t see her tears that silently rolled down from the corners of her eyes.