A Gamer's Guide To Beating The Tutorial

“Hey there, Rat,” I say, stepping inside. “Today’s the day. I brought a few sweets, thought you might like it.”

“Unh. Unh. Unnhhh,” he says, rocking back and forth with each sound. It’s a little impressive.

“I’m sure he will,” Mitt says, accepting them. I look down at her. Yeah, there’s definitely something off about her. Ever since she became the apostle of cruelty, she’s been weirdly calm. Like she’s got everything figured out. “See, Rat? Kitty brought sweets. Wasn’t that lovely of him?”

“Y—yuhh…”

“I know. Here, open your mouth… Say aaaahhh…”

“Aaaahhh… aaaaahhhhhh…”

She fed him a few of the sweets, smiling warmly.

“That’s good. Very good, Rat,” she says. Leaning back out, she turns to me. “Was there anything else you wanted to discuss, Angel of Death?”

I frown at her use of the ridiculous, unflattering and completely incorrect nickname people have been using for me. At least I know she’s not being serious. “Actually, there is. But I’d like to take it…” I nod meaningfully towards Rat. “...Elsewhere?”

She gives me a look. I know what she’s saying. We both know Rat can’t understand. Not like a normal person would. But still, I just…

“Alright,” she says. “The waiting room, then.”

“That’ll be great.” She follows me outside, closing the door behind her. Since I know it’s what she’s expected, I speak quickly. “It’s about my floor-clearing plan.”

“Oh, boy, here it is. Are you really doing it?”

“Yeah. Tonight, May fifth. I’ve said this before, but unless you want to be part of the cleanse, I suggest you leave the city before nightfall.”

“Do you really think you could kill me?”

“Since you haven’t learned how to use euthanasia yet—yes, I do. So, since Cruelty hardly wants to lose another apostle so soon after the last one, I recommend you heed his wishes and leave.”

“He’s not my boss, and neither are you.”

“He literally is, and I literally am. But, you know what? If you want to die, sure. Stick around. Be my guest.”

“You know something?” she asks. I perk an eyebrow at her. “I still don’t get it.”

“Get what? What’s there to get?”

“Why,” she said, deliberately, “won’t you use me to save him? It’s all been set up very conveniently. You could heal him with that drooler in there, hang around, play friends for a while longer, and then use me for the final heal. No need to rush it, now. Wouldn’t that work out great for you?”

I look down. The floor is suddenly very interesting. “But you’d die,” I say. “You can’t want that.”

“You shouldn’t care.”

“Moleman saved you,” I say. “You’re important to him.”

“As if Rat isn’t even more so?”

“Rat’s already going to die. But you’re—”

“Why won’t you kill me?”

“Because,” I growl, “I don’t want to! Shouldn’t that be enough? It’s an inconvenience to kill you. That’s enough, isn’t it? What more could you possibly want as an excuse? Do you want me to cry and sob and weep because you’re just a kid? Because I’ve known you for a couple months? Because you matter to me? Well, if you do, I’m afraid I won’t be able to deliver. None of those things are true. I don’t care a lick about you. I just want… All I need is…”

She sighs, shrugs, shakes her head, and examines the ceiling with as much scrutiny as I did the floor. “Fine. You know what? I’ll give you a reason. If you let me live, I can tell everyone that your precious master didn’t do this. It was all you. Every little piece. I’ll be a living witness to your wrongs, and poor little nub-leg in the room over won’t have to explain to the king why the whole city died and was replaced by equally dead rats. That makes sense, right? That’s a logical, faultless explanation for why you could possibly want me to live. There’s no other reason. Nothing emotional or attachment based. Does that satisfy you, Angel?”

My shoulders fall a little further. I bite my lip. “Yeah,” I say, softly. “Something like that.”

When I look up again, she’s smiling, softly. “Right. I’ll be gone before sundown. But I won’t say goodbye, because I know we’ll meet again. Though, right now, I can’t say whether we’ll do it as enemies or friends.”

“Time will have to tell,” I mumble.

She hums. “Yeah. Time will have to tell.”

For a few seconds, we look at each other. I smile. “Could you let me be alone with Rat for a moment? Just a few minutes.”

“Sure. Call me when you’re done.”

“Thanks.”

I head back inside. Rat turns to me, mindlessly smiling. I take a seat next to him. Sniffing carefully, I’m able to tell when Mitt’s far away enough not to be a factor. But I know that if Cruelty finds this interesting enough, he’ll spill the beans anyway. Not that I care at this point.

“Hey, Rat,” I say again. “How are you? Did the sweets taste good?”

“Unh. Unh. Unh. Unh.”

“Right. That’s good. That makes me… happy.”

My hands curl into fists. “So…” I feel myself smile. “You were right. All along. All the way back then, when you tried to run away, and I caught you. You were right all along. I just… I didn’t want to think about it. But you get it, don’t you? It’s a bitter pill to swallow. It’s not strange it took me this long. It still… It still hurts, you know? But I think about it every day.”

Reaching out, I take a hold of his hand. It’s warm. It anchors me to the here and now. It doesn’t do anything to stop the tears, though. “You were right. I’m not a good friend to him. I don’t—” I hiccup, forcing down a haggard breath through the rising sobs. “I don’t even think I’m his friend, at all.

“Yesterday,” I continue, “while I was working, I tried to recall things I knew about Moleman. Like, what his favorite animal was, or his most played video game. And I couldn’t think of anything. I checked through our messages. We never… Three years together, and we never really talked. Not about things that matter. Like… I can’t recall what his brother’s name was. I’m sure he said it, at some point. I know how important his brother is to him. But it never registered. I never… cared about it. Not really. All I ever cared about was the fact that he was my friend, and I was his. That was the only important thing. Not him, not our actual friendship… Just the idea of it.

“And I really was terrible. An absolute garbage friend. I think… I think the first time he asked me not to kill goblins… must have been after I’d finished the third or fourth floor. I can’t remember. But it was three years ago. Three years, and I still haven’t taken that damn promise to heart! And then there were all the other times I promised him this and that. But I didn’t actually listen. I thought… Stupidly, I thought that a friendship was unconditional. Like, you’re friends with someone, and then you’re friends forever, and no matter what you do, it doesn’t change that fact. But that’s not how it works. A friendship… it’s like a car. You have to work on it all the time or else it won’t run smoothly. Routine check ups and occasional breakdowns is one thing, but to really keep it going… To make sure it actually runs well… You have to drive it. You have to uphold the friendship at its base level. And I never did that. I’ve done the friendship equivalent of buying a car and then leaving it out in a field for three years, to then expect it to start up instantly at the turn of the key. Isn’t that stupid? What an idiot I am! A horrible, horrible idiot, and an even worse friend!”

I crumble down into my chair. I can’t really see anymore. Everything is all blurred. “You saw what I did to him. That’s why you tried to run away. You did exactly what I always should have done. Because I clung on to Moleman like a starved tick, he became like this. I don’t know what he is anymore. He’s not himself. I ruined that. I ruined him. That’s not something a friend does. But…”

I feel a smile rise to my lips. A weak, desperate one. But a true one. “I’m going to fix it, though. See, Moleman… Right now, he doesn’t feel anything. I can tell. I can see that part of myself in him. The part that doesn’t care if he lives or dies.” I speak slowly, letting the words come to me, one by one. “I understand that part very closely. That’s why I know that there’s only two real ways to get rid of it. The first would be to give him something to love. Something to make him decide that life’s worth living, as long as he can protect it. But there’s nothing like that left. I took it all away, hoping that I could be that thing in his life. I’m not, though. I never will be. I wanted to be his tool, so now, that’s all I am. However, there’s another solution.”

My smile broadens as I recall the face of an old friend; another one I ruined. Someone with eyes of BLACK hatred.

“I just have to make him hate me enough to make killing me his life goal.”

I look to Rat for a response—anything. He smiles back at me, gently. I squeeze his hand. I guess that’s what I should expect. That’s what I get, at least.

“That’s what I’ll try to do with this. In a sense, I think I've been trying to do this for a while, to little success. Though, with this, I might finally succeed.” I chuckle. “If nothing else, I can’t possibly be a worse friend than I already am. What I’ll do tonight is just the natural culmination of all that. So, what I’ll do to him… It’s basically okay.” I search for words. “I’m not forcing him to live, I’m... compelling him to. That’s it. Sometimes, all you need is a little push. That’s what I think he needs. You agree, don’t you?”

“Yuh-yuh,” Rat answers intelligently.

I smile warmly at him. “Thank you. That means a lot to hear.” Standing up, I move for the door. “Well, I’ll be seeing you tomorrow! The city’s going to get real hot before then, so make sure not to die during the night, okay?”

“Yuhhh, yuhhh… Unnhh…”

“Great! I’ll see you around, then.”

Closing the door behind me, I head towards my final visit of the day.

I can only hope Moleman will take the news as badly as I hope he does.