A Chronometric Defect

I stare deeply into the mirror. What I see can only be the truth: someone in this universe truly matters.

Haah.

I was dubious about Love and Justice's protestations. The virtues, of course, were willing to cow to them quite easily. Except for Commitment. Why they even bothered to include that fool in this discussion is baffling. She won't budge after she's agreed to anything. I enjoy tricking her into agreeing to do stupid things, like wash my hair.

I don't have hair. I'm an amazing full-blooded dragon. Just like this little black dragon they're all up in arms about.

What's the fuss? We love showing off. So what if he can kill me? He won't. I'm a dragon.

A perfect, wonderful dragon.

Admire me.

...

Ahhh, I do so enjoy gazing upon my form.

"PRIDE! STOP looking in that MIRROR you got from... SOMEWHERE, and help us UNSEAL the damn ABYSSALS! This is already hard ENOUGH with DECEPTION being USELESS and those VIRTUES having their little POWWOW!"

I ignore Wrath, as anyone of my sublime stature would.

I look over at Deception. Is that a chainsaw?

*chink*

*vuhvuhvuh—*

*—vrrrrRRRRRRRRRR—*

That it is!

Well. Juggling unicycles and riding a chainsaw, hmm? I don't think it works that way!

...

Oh, here comes—

*—RRRRRRRRRRRRR—*

"Holy shit, what are you—"

*PFRK-ooVVVVVV—*

"AIGHHHHHHHHH!"

Ah, never mind. I don't understand how they all got caught in the unicycles; I thought the chainsaw would be more dangerous. It does make me curious, but not curious enough to continue paying attention.

I turn my immaculate body to face Wrath. I feel a pang of regret that my mirror no longer has my undivided attention, but my side view is oh-so-perfect that I feel stated immediately.

I address the ingrate while lovingly examining an impeccable dragon.

"My cretin, my. How can I not have a mirror at all times? Do you dare to impugn upon my absolute figure... And ultimate design?"

"I won't IMPUGN upon ANYTHING other than your DAMN LAZINESS! Indolence is doing MORE WORK THAN YOU!"

"ZZZzzzzZZZ!!! ZZZZ!!!"

"He doesn't seem happy about it."

"He's ASLEEP; what THE HELL does he know?!"

"More than you do about how wonderful dragons are, apparently. I'm of a mind to go over there and say hello to this black dragon, rather than bother with your petty pestering. This conversation is much too far beneath me."

I move closer to my mirror to get a better look.

...

As expected, getting a better look wasn't possible.

I'm always at my best.

"GAAAHHHHH!!!!!"

"Oh, shut up Wrath. I'm right— I'm always right."

"THE ONLY THING RIGHT ABOUT YOU IS—"

Pah, enough of this base tomfoolery.

I must reexamine my admirers.

[...]

Love » "Pride, you came back!"

Pride » "Well, yes. You all were better company than my fellow sins. Surprising, I'm sure."

Love » "Wow, a compliment from Pride. I'm honored."

Pride » "As you should be! Thus is only proper."

Love » "Then, will you agree to our proposal?"

Pride » "Absolutely not. You want me, Pride, to stand down from this dragon, merely because he represents pride better than myself? Fine! I understand the folly of my actions. I do. I've a penchant to go ask him to join me directly! I'm sure he would appreciate the company of one who understands his draconic excellence. After all, I am Pride."

Love » "Pride, that's— ah... I don't know what to say."

Truth » "She means he'll probably eat your avatar."

Pride » "Avatar?! Have you ever seen me use an avatar? Why, I'm insulted! How could I even deign to exist if I dared form an avatar! Worse— you would have me deny his chance to behold my most perfect self?! I will go there— personally!"

Truth » "You know the restrictions, Pride. You'll be capped to Rank three god in the lower plane. You'll be stronger than an avatar, and you won't need a summon, but this dragon has abilities we don't fully understand. Even the Abyssals weren't as strange as him."

Pride » "It has nothing to do with me being capped or whatever else! My power is my Pride itself! I shall not be seen anywhere without it!"

Love » "But if he eats you—"

Pride » "I am a dragon! Have you not bothered to examine his behavior? Before we were cut off, he went around raising his fellow dragons, elevating his entire species to where we rightfully belong: above all others! Not solely in terms of power, wealth, or position, but also in morality, prestige, and venerance. Alas, this dragon indeed knows Pride better than I. Why shouldn't I meet one I so favor? Hmm?"

Truth » "Somehow, guys, I think this was the only possible outcome. He's not wrong."

Pride » "I am never wrong."

Love » "Ugh."

Truth » "Pride. Do whatever you want. It's not like we can stop you."

Pride » "Of course you cannot. I am a dragon!"

Love » "But Pride. Isn't it beneath you to go meet with him pers—"

Pride » "How dare you. My draconic perfection MUST be showed in person. Do you think me a recluse?"

Love » "No, Pride. I was mistaken."

Pride » "Of course you were."

Love » "Indeed I was."

[...]

[You have been kicked.]

[Reason: Asshat.]

WHAAAAT?