A Chronometric Defect

I'm flying back to Haitos. Technically, my destination is Achiton. But after my disastrous 'visit' with that town? Former town. Greh, let's just say I don't want to raise any more hell today. Not even a little. I'm taking the long way around.

I'm also not using transference magic. While I doubt I'd be harmed even if I transferred myself straight into magma, the same may not be true if I landed in the middle of a large city. I'm strong, but nobody's invincible.

Rawh. I've learned that I do, in fact, have weaknesses. Dragon hunter's town managed to lock my magic and pin me down.

If they can do that, who knows what kind of hidden defenses or attack teams the larger cities might possess? Dragon hunter may have been a valuable member of the Tengerii dragon hunters, but he doesn't know everything about every aspect of The Purified Heavens' forces or strategies. After all, he didn't even know the empire's total population.

Speaking of this former human: I've noticed something interesting. When I absorbed his memories, they lost a lot of personal information. I don't know his family, how he lived, or who he hung out with. I don't even know the man's name. It's all people, places, and things, but in the strictly objective sense.

I examine one of his random bar-hopping memories.

Is this woman he's looking at his friend? A comrade? A lover? A random encounter? Or a suspicious individual he hangs out with to keep tabs on? I can't tell.

It's strange not having emotional context. When I recall my own memories, I know who someone is.

WHY someone is.

People don't merely live; they live for reasons. Those reasons may be good, or bad. They may be sensible, or irrational. But people always have a reason for plodding onward. Even if they don't know the reason themselves.

Such reasons form their character. If a person lives to help others; they become healers, guards, and teachers. If they live to make money; they become thieves, bankers, and politicians. Oops, did I say 'thieves' thrice?

"Hawh, haraw."

(tsshsh)

I chuckle, Mana shakes. Ragh. I feel worried about my normal voice at this point.

But I digress.

As we live life amongst each other, we become innately aware of the reasons we each have for living. We, again, may not be consciously aware of those reasons.

Who are we? What do we live for?

Why?

Sometimes these questions are... Unanswerable. Not because finding the answer is impossible, but perhaps because we don't want to know.

Innately, though, we know everyone has a reason for living. Even the desire to die, is a desire to live, juuuust long enough so that this person can die in a way they find suitable.

Our reasons to live push us onward for exactly as long as our bodies continue moving. And we support or deny those reasons for living based upon whether we feel love or hatred toward ourselves, and toward others.

These emotionless memories— it's not that they don't feel human. I'm not human; that's not the issue.

Rather, they feel like a movie I can't quite grasp. Like a key part of every character's personality was cleanly sliced out and replaced with a block of wood.

Even a bad actor can be obnoxious, boring, or funny. Here? There's just...

Nothing.

It's unnerving. Like an endless sea of robots living their meaningless lives; never stopping to think why it matters.

Why...

Why do they exist?

I feel uneasy about this newly discovered ability of mine.

Might these empty memories contaminate my mind? I am who I am, because I remember. I know where I came from and where I'm headed. Even if three days ago I was human, and now I'm a giant freak of a dragon, at least my mind is still mine.

Or is it?

In record time, I found myself rolling around on rocks, roaring like a yappy dragon. No, that's not right. In record time, I killed people without even wondering whether my actions were dangerous. I then killed someone important carelessly. Finally? I wiped an entire town off the map.

My map.

What scares me isn't love or hate. It's indifference. Like those robotic memories.

When I think back to how I felt after my roar at Haitos— I felt all kinds of emotions. All of them negative.

I tried to reason through my thoughts, and, I think I did pretty good. I considered philosophy well beyond what I likely would've as a human working at a fast food eatery.

Perhaps, a side effect of my increased Int and Wis stats?

Or maybe it's because I'm so incredibly bothered. When I worked at the eatery, I had no need to consider philosophy. Maybe I didn't become any smarter, but my mind is merely more engaged. Which again, is what worries me.

Indifference... Did my mind stay engaged?

Now that I reconsider my accident with Aitos— I'm starting to feel dread. I didn't care that casting powerful magic on a human might be harmful. I didn't care because I... Am powerful. It wouldn't harm me.

Those two things? They don't match. They're not logically consistent. It's like saying 'I'm big so you must also be big.' It's lazy. It's indifferent. It's not always true.

The town, though. The town.

I stood still and let the townspeople trap me. Because, again, I knew I was safe. I had far more tools at my disposal.

But. Were those tools safe for them?

From what I've learned; those people are my enemies. Sure, my enemies may need to die for my survival.

Was it for my survival?

I let them lock down my Mana. I could've easily interrupted their array long before it was formed. Yet, even putting aside what could be dismissed as an oversight, I landed smack dab in the middle of that town. Was I not invasive? Was I not asking for trouble? All of this, merely because I wanted humans— people, to view my glorious draconic body.

Hragh.

'Pride goeth before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fall.'

My pride caused immense destruction.

Did I... Fall?